AIBU to expect the host to keep her own bedroom?

[oopsiedaisies123]

The situation:

friend A has second home. Friend B has come to stay. Friend B has two young kids aged 2-5.

friends A’s bedroom has a super king. The other room is the spare room but only has a small double.

friend A’s new bf is coming to stay.

YANBU: friend A should gives up her bedroom and stays with new boyfriend in spare room on small double so friend B can be more comfortable with two young kids in super king.

YABU: friend B is ultimately the guest and should be in spare room with her two kids when boyfriend comes regardless as she’s the guest. Even though it’s Friend B’s second home it’s still her bedroom and she should always go there.

friend A and B have been closer for almost 20 years.

Friend A keeps her bedroom

Owner keeps her room. She has her new bf over. Friend B’s eldest can sleep on the sofa (if they’re not scared) or on a few cushion / mattress on the floor.

Obviously the person who owns the house sleeps wherever they like. Which presumably is in their own bedroom.

The guest doesn't have the right to question which room they're put in as long as everyone has a bed of sorts.

There must be a couch that could be rotated as a bed or used by one of the kids?

Rooms aside, why on earth would someone invite a friend with kids to stay, and then invite a new boyfriend at the same time?!

Manners are in the eye of the beholder imo. There's no way I'd be prepared to accept a host's room whilst they took the guest room. Either give me the guest room, which I would be very grateful for, or I'd book a hotel if space was really an issue.

Why on earth would friend A have to give up her room to a guest and effectively camp out in the spare room in her own home.

My bedroom is my private space and all my things are there.

if I was friend B I’d take any bedroom offered and make it work for a free holiday!

However …. If I was visiting my friend with my kids as a single mum I wouldn’t go when the BF was there as I’d want to visit my friend and spend time with her and wouldn’t have my young kids around a bloke I didn’t know.

If you don't want to offer your friend your bed, that's absolutely fine. If she doesn't think your spare room is suitable then she can decline your invitation. It's far more trouble to prepare your own room for guests than it is to put them in the spare room, and hosting should be a pleasure not a chore.

You say it's both friend A and B's second home in your post so I'm confused.

The guest should have the guest room, the homeowner should keep their own room.

The host should absolutely keep her own bedroom and the guest has the spare room.

Boyfriend is not welcome. Owner keeps her own bedroom.

Slightly confused by voting options, but friend A stays in friend A's own bed. Second home or not.

Its up to the owner to decide. Visitors take whatever they are given. If that doesnt suit, they can stay at home.

It's friend A's house, she keeps her bedroom regardless of circumstances. Get an airbed if you won't all fit in the small double.

Having said that, we have a small double in our spare room. I went in there last night as DH was snoring, the kids (4 & 8) found me like the little homing pigeons they are and we all slept in there perfectly comfortably. I've tried sharing that bed with DH and it was a bloody nightmare. So even if you're trying to argue based on need, which isn't how it works in someone else's house. I'd argue the two adults need the bigger bed.

Guests in the guest room with (air/foam/camping whatever) mattresses on the floor for kid/s would be my assumption.

It might be normal for others to think of all sharing a bed and top-and-tailing the kids, but I would assume separate sleeping for at least one kid was better anyway.

I would never expect a host to give up their own room unless there wasn't another way.

The only time I gave up my room was when my PIL came for a visit. They were already 70+ and the spare bed is a single with a pull out, no way I force them to sleep basically on the floor.

Everyone else had to make do with that scenario or can get a hotel/Air BnB

Why would the boyfriend not be welcome? He's been invited ffs.

Friend B was presumably aware of the circumstances: her and 2 kids in the guest room, and has no call to be expecting the hosts room. Don't accept a free holiday and then moan.

Friend A could if so inclined, swap rooms, but no obligation to.

Is the whole set up ideal? Friend, kids, boyfriend? Sounds messy. Friends won't get so much quality time together, shagfest over run with kids etc.

This. You are getting a free holiday, stop moaning

Host should keep their room.

But it’s really odd that a new boyfriend is coming to stay when she has a female friend with two very young children staying.

I’m not a fan of giving up your bed, but it’s a holiday home so presumably less personalised and others have used it before, and one group has more people. If there aren’t beds for the kids, I’d give them the big bed.

Host keeps their room.
I think you are the host. You don’t need to give up your room, it’s generous to offer a room for someone to stay already.

The person who owns the home, both bedrooms and both beds stays in whichever of their beds she decides she wants to stay in.

Is it any wonder that people find all this A & B shit hard to follow when even the person writing the post can’t get it right

In that scenario I would always give the friend the bigger bedroom.