AIBU to expect the host to keep her own bedroom?

[oopsiedaisies123]

The situation:

friend A has second home. Friend B has come to stay. Friend B has two young kids aged 2-5.

friends A’s bedroom has a super king. The other room is the spare room but only has a small double.

friend A’s new bf is coming to stay.

YANBU: friend A should gives up her bedroom and stays with new boyfriend in spare room on small double so friend B can be more comfortable with two young kids in super king.

YABU: friend B is ultimately the guest and should be in spare room with her two kids when boyfriend comes regardless as she’s the guest. Even though it’s Friend B’s second home it’s still her bedroom and she should always go there.

friend A and B have been closer for almost 20 years.

Unsure what the bf has to do anything if you're already there and in the double before he's joined you all. If you know you need extra room to cosleep then surely you should have thought about arrangements before accepting the invitation to stay.

It depends on the individuals concerned.
Years ago when I was younger with family at home I used to give up our bedroom on the odd occasions when we had guests who were a couple.
At a later stage in life I frequently gave up my bedroom to my daughter and her partner and decamped to the spare room.
Nowadays, I have my double room and a much smaller bedroom with a small double bed and any guests would be given the smaller room - my room is my haven!

Not that it’s especially relevant but l have 2 children.

Don’t worry you are coming across on here as rude, entitled and annoying. Quite possibly your friend and her “new boyfriend” now feel the same about you. I’m curious at what stage in their relationship he should be “allowed” to stay at his own girlfriend’s property. Back in the real world it doesn’t matter as it’s your friends house, not yours

Friend A keeps her bed. Friend B is in the guest room. An air mattress on the floor or sleeping bags for her children. If that’s unacceptable, B and children stay at a nearby hotel or stay home.

It's a non-issue! There's plenty of room for an adult woman a two-year old znd a five-year old in a double bed.

Have you stayed before OP?

Sounds like it was originally just you and the kids, so you must have assumed you'd all be in the king bed. Unless you regularly get solo visits in this bed, it feels presumptuous.

Otherwise, it was always the double you were getting.

Widely unreasonable of you to expect her to give up her bedroom for you.

Okay but that’s not Friend A’s problem.

To be honest, if a friend expected special treatment, I would realise they weren’t the person I thought they were so would be relieved when they left.

But then I wouldn’t host people with children who are young enough to wet the bed.

I tend to give my own bedroom to my parents because it feels more comfortable, but less often to friends. I would NEVER expect the master when I am a guest?

It's not "preferential treatment" it's literally her room, with all her stuff.

Guests rooms are for... guests? 😂And so are kids rooms because it's very common to be given the children's room!

It's different when there's no guest room, it's easier for the host to sleep in the living room and give their room to guests. but that's not the case here.

Completely BU to be miffed that 2 ADULTS don't sleep in a bed you deem too small for you and a toddler , surely at least the other one has his own (little) bed?

B in the guest room. Or B gets a hotel or Airbnb nearby.

Providing there is adequate room in the guest room, friend B should go in there.

Feeling as though your host should move out of their room so you can feel like you have preferential treatment when you're already being hosted makes you sound like a pretty poor guest, attitude wise.

I've slept in a small double with my twins loads of times, they're now 11 so hardly small. We all fit perfectly fine.

I wouldn't. My bedroom. I pay the bills. She comrs for free. She can use the spare bedroom and one of the children can get an airbed on the floor if needed. If not enough she can book a hotel.

It’s friend As second home, they keep their bedroom as I can’t imagine many people would like others sleeping in it plus they have all their stuff in there. Friend b is the guest and uses the spare room.

I do empathize though as I have a friend who doesn’t use another child’s room with loads more space but me and my kids are rammed in a minute room on an awful blow up. I won’t be doing it anymore.

I'd never expect to sleep in my host's bedroom, whether she was there or not.

I'd feel a bit uncomfortable with a guest sleeping in my bed and being in my bedroom, in all honesty.

I think your expectations of having her room at all were wrong. You sound like a bit of a princess.

I missed that it was a small double not a normal double first time, and that makes it even worse!
No the host doesn't have to be uncomfortable in her own house haha.

It’s not an airBnB. This is her home. It’s her bedroom.

Guests always take the guest room, host keeps their own room. The only exception is elderly close relatives (parents, grandparents) - out of respect for their comfort, they always get the better room.

Why is your new bf suddenly coming if he wasn’t part of the plan orginally

you expected all 4 of you in same bed ?

or you and kids in owners bed room and bf in spare ?

if new bf he def wouldn’t be in the same bed as my kids

It’s not the OP’s BF. It’s the homeowner’s BF.

Sorry mis read

so
op is moaning that she and her co sleeping kids have to share a small double ?

I think if originally you expected to have the whole house ie 2 bedrooms and now you have 4 people in 1 bedroom I would cancel and say I would rather stay at home as the house now won’t be big enough. I think the boyfriend is irrelevant here. It is the house owner deciding to come and occupy one of the bedrooms that has changed the situation

We never give our own bedroom to anyone. If people don’t want a spare bedroom they can book a hotel.

If you were invited to stay then it is up to the host to make sure there are enough beds for everyone to sleep comfortably whether that’s letting you use their larger bed or providing an airbed in the guest room. At the very least to say you’re welcome to stay but explain from the outset it’s only a small double and ask whether you have an airbed or travel cot you could bring.

I'd never give up my own bedroom for guests. And I'd feel very uncomfortable taking a host's bedroom.