AIBU to expect the host to keep her own bedroom?

[oopsiedaisies123]

The situation:

friend A has second home. Friend B has come to stay. Friend B has two young kids aged 2-5.

friends A’s bedroom has a super king. The other room is the spare room but only has a small double.

friend A’s new bf is coming to stay.

YANBU: friend A should gives up her bedroom and stays with new boyfriend in spare room on small double so friend B can be more comfortable with two young kids in super king.

YABU: friend B is ultimately the guest and should be in spare room with her two kids when boyfriend comes regardless as she’s the guest. Even though it’s Friend B’s second home it’s still her bedroom and she should always go there.

friend A and B have been closer for almost 20 years.

If you can’t get the older child to sleep on an airbed, I’d go home today. A holiday where you aren’t sleeping, is not a holiday!

Spare room for guests. At my stage in life I will not surrender my haven bedroom for anyone. I don't have many guests though ha ha as the logistics don't suit them and their broods, and they know I will not move out of my bedroom. Good tactic to avoid guests most of the time!

Furthermore, who wants to have to declutter and sanitise their own room, to make it kid proof and to hide the evidence of slovenliness and the usual (comfortable) detritus of life. Nope, into the spare room or the local hotel. 😊

No way am I giving up my bedroom for anyone! Only circumstance would be if my (long deceased now) parents were coming and the guest room had a single or small double, but that’s only because I’m a widow, if my DH was alive I’d keep my room and they’d stay at a hotel!
Kids can sleep on the floor if need be!

Your update paints a very different picture from what I understood in your original post.
Were you initially offered full run of the accommodations for yourself and your children? Without the friend being there?
If that's the case then it's out of order for your friend to then rock up with her bf, changes the entire dynamic of the use of the second home and I wouldn't be hanging around trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Host and boyfriend

a mum and two kids

is that right?
it does seem a little mean putting three people in smaller bed but perhaps mum could bring a camp bed or similar for one of her kids.

Also I do think it’s weird to offer your home to your friends and her kids and only let them know last minute you and a stranger man would be there too

I think the boyfriend thing isn’t really relevant. Friend B can have the smaller room. If Friend B expects the bigger room because she has children, then Friend A should consider whether she wants that kind of person as a friend.

So when you were invited/it was agreed, would you have been able to use the main bedroom? And then friend comes along with bf last minute? If so then that’s a bit shit that you’ve been kicked out of the bigger bed, and that the pair have crashed your holiday!

Yes indeed. I’d have declined the holiday if that was sprung upon me last minute. Assuming you’d not paid out for travel costs?

very frustrating though. An offer of a whole house versus feeling like you are crashing a couples love fest!

Because it's a second home, I don't feel like it's the same as giving up your normal bedroom.

It's somewhere you stay but it won't have the same strength of attachment or all your shit in it like your bedroom in your main home. (Especially if you rent it out some of the year).

Obviously if they're doing you a favour, it's be grateful for what you get.

But would have been nicer to let you have the bigger room.

And yes, offering it to you empty - and then deciding to come as well with new boyfriend in tow is pretty dire.

Do you know this bloke well enough to feel comfortable sharing a holiday and have him around your kids?

It was a nice offer initially, but that makes it a completely different experience that you probably wouldn't have accepted.

Entirely up to the host. Either is perfectly fine depending on the hosts preferences. The host can decide based on what they feel is ok for them. There is no right or wrong. Simply the hosts personal preference. Some people would feel better giving up their bedroom to make their guest more comfortable, for others it would be an absolute no as they don’t like people sleeping in their bed, or have personal items in their room etc. Both options are based on the hosts personal preference.

OP, your update completely contradicts your OP.

OP says your friend has a second home and you, as friend B, is coming to say, which implies that your friend, friend A, is going to be there and will be will be sleeping in her own bedroom, which at the last minute, she has invited her new boyfriend to share.

Had you said in your OP that your friend had originally offered you the use of the whole house the entire thread would have been completely different.

I rather suspect the update has been added, 5 pages later, because the thread is not going the way you'd hoped, especially given that it's the first time you've replied on the thread.

I think your update changes things - if you you were originally offered the use of the house, including the use of the two bedrooms, with just yourself and your children in occupancy and you accepted on that basis and then your friend and her BF decide to arrive and use her bedroom, it changes everything and I think I’d just go home.

Head = friend A keeps her room because it’s hers.
Heart = friend A is a nice person and lets her guest have more space and a more comfortable experience because it’s her friend and that’s what friends do for each other.
Opinion= friend A shouldn’t have new boyfriend for a sleepover while she has guests.

Friend A should keep her own bedroom and Friend B is batshit to expect otherwise.

I only would give up my own bed if the guest had a physical issue. I give my elderly mother my bed when she stays as I don’t have a spare room.

Why have you written a follow-up that completely contradicts the first?

Somebody promising you the entire house and reneging is very different.

I am wondering if friend A originally thought that you would sleep in her room and your kids would sleep in the other room. When she realised that the kids would be sleeping with you, she decided you come too because she didn’t want a kid sleeping in her bed. The boyfriend coming backs up why she needs a big bed.

This. Having children doesn’t entitle you to preferential bedrooms and treatment. It’s your friends house after all and not yours. 2 adults can fit in a small double (l know as me and my 6’3 husband did a couple of years ago) so x1 adult and x2 small children can

LOL @SweatySpider321 if a small double worked with an adult and two kids why on earth would I even mind?! You and your 6 ft plus husband is different to you and 2 kids. Perhaps you don’t have any.

and yeah actually I do believe if you’re elderly or have young kids or are pregnant it’s nice to given a bit of extra preferential treatment as your day to day experience is generally harder. That’s what I would do. Which is why I posed the question here in the first place.

everyone is entitled to their opinion. You sound annoying tho.

How rude! You can give preferential treatment if you want but not everyone feels the same way.

Extra preferential treatment 😂eff that.

No need to be rude.

You sound like an ingrate, to be frank. You could ameliorate the guest bedroom to accommodate your family, very easily.
I think it’s unreasonable to expect to be given the main bedroom when you’d be importing two little kids, with all that little kids can do to a mattress (and one’s delicate bibelots and scent sprays.)

You mean you expect preferential treatment. If you insulting another poster is how you behave in real life, good luck with that