AIBU to expect the host to keep her own bedroom?

[oopsiedaisies123]

The situation:

friend A has second home. Friend B has come to stay. Friend B has two young kids aged 2-5.

friends A’s bedroom has a super king. The other room is the spare room but only has a small double.

friend A’s new bf is coming to stay.

YANBU: friend A should gives up her bedroom and stays with new boyfriend in spare room on small double so friend B can be more comfortable with two young kids in super king.

YABU: friend B is ultimately the guest and should be in spare room with her two kids when boyfriend comes regardless as she’s the guest. Even though it’s Friend B’s second home it’s still her bedroom and she should always go there.

friend A and B have been closer for almost 20 years.

My bed is my bed and I'm not giving it up for anyone (okay, might consider it for my child and grandchildren only).

I co-slept with all of mine. In this situation, I would have, and have done the following:

I slept with the children in the double and my husband would have slept on a fold out bed if it was too small for all to be in the bed. (preferred option).

Alternatively, I'd have slept with the nursing child and my husband would sleep on a fold out, the older child told they would have to sleep in another fold out next to the double bed.

Or, I sleep with husband and nursing child in the double with older child on fold out next to the double bed. They are still close and old enough to understand things are different in that location.

You don't all have to have the exact same arrangement as home. It can be adjusted. Your husband and older child are old enough to understand this and accept a temporary change. YABU.

My preferred option would probably be to just make my own arrangements though. I tend to like privacy.

This is what I’d do. I’d never expect the host to give up her bedroom but it sounds like the offer has changed significantly. I would have doubts about comfort and privacy in this scenario so I’d just make up an innocuous excuse and make my own arrangements.

You and your children and your friend and her new bf sound quite an odd combination to share a 2-bedroomed home. I’d be happier in a caravan (or equivalent) with just my own family. And catch up with your friend separately.

Exactly, and for all the talk of it being good manners to give up your own bed, is that really the case if the guest would feel extremely uncomfortable about it?

I wouldn’t mind the small double, I’d have pushed it up against the wall and it would be plenty big enough. Depends what you’re used to though. I would mind the new boyf rocking up. No thanks to a random man staying over night in the house with my kids!

Maybe she doesn’t really want you to use the house but is too polite to say so and is just making it uncomfortable for you!

Host keeps their own bed. Always. No exceptions at all.

Unless the host wishes to give up their bed, that's up to them.

Nobody normal or halfway decent ever expects to turf someone out of their own bed 😆 that's just not a thing.

And host doesn't need to ask her new boyfriend to stay just so she can have an excuse to keep her own bed either 😅 Also, random bloke around other people's kids is unacceptable, of course.

It was always a thing in my house when I was growing up. I was always turfed out of my bed for guests (be they friends staying the night or relatives, sometimes for weeks or a couple of months at a time). This is probably why I've come down very strongly on the other side of the fence and never turf myself or my children for guests. There's nothing like feeling like you have no place in your own home.

I think it is fairly common to turf kids to get out of their bed for older relatives - I wouldn't do it though and didn't do this to my kids and we regularly had relatives staying when they were young.

But it's pretty much unheard of in real life for an adult to be expected to vacate their own bed, and I am always gobsmacked when I read online about this expectation as I've never ever heard of this in real life.

If people want to stay in your house they accept whatever sleeping quarters you offer them, air mattress, fold away camp bed, mattress on floor, whatever you have.

We did have a spare room for adults, and I got air beds for their cousins when they were staying. If there'd been no room for that, they'd have been on the couch or wherever else they fitted, no way would my children have been turfed out for another person's convenience, adult or child.

Well, maybe their grandad as he was lovely, but I would have asked them, not told them. It never came up though as we had a spare double bed.

Your bed is your bed and yes you're right nobody should feel evicted from their own sleeping space in their own home, sorry this was something you had to put up with.

And in this case there is actually a spare room, so the guests should be very pleased and grateful.

Are you paying for use of the house? If so, I'd be annoyed. If not, I would expect to be in the guest room.

I'm not sure someone with young kids needs preferential treatment. That's the easy stage! Just wait until you have teens! You get very little sleep.

That's almost as ridiculous as the OP.

Of course the two bedroom place is big enough for three adults and two children to sleep in.

It was a bit ridiculous of her to offer you the Pl for you and your two kids, then decide to come as well & want the bigger room.

I'd never do that with our holiday home. If I'd let friends use it, I'd only go if we'll decided that would be fun. & I definitely let them have the biggest room and biggest bed..

If you're not happy to share a smaller bed with a new partner, it's a pretty sad state of affairs.
I share the single bed with my partner For a good couple of years when we first moved in together (long story that I don't feel like repeating) I'm older (& bigger) now and wouldn't be thrilled about that, but I'd happily share a small double for a few nights.

No, the vast majority think you're incredibly entitled and have pointed out that of course the host keeps her own bed.

You should book the Hyatt if you want a hotel.

Friend B is a CF. Suck it up or get a hotel room.

The responses on here are wild. You’ve presented the issue poorly in your opening post and would likely have got different responses if you’d have written it differently.

You were offered use of the whole house by an old friend. The offer changed dramatically when friend decided to come with her boyfriend meaning you now only have use of one bedroom, with a small bed.

At this point, the offer of accommodation is no longer suitable and you should probably go home. Your friend was in the wrong for putting you in this position.

I had sympathy with ‘Friend B’ until this entitled comment about preferential treatment.

No OP, you don’t deserve preferential treatment simply for being fortunate enough to have reproduced.

Your massive drip feed changes the situation entirely and you would have got a completely different reaction (and much more sympathy) had you included that from the outset.

Your friend totally changed the offer with a significant impact - would you have accepted in the first place had the small bed been the only option offered? It does sound tough.

But...you have wasted a lot of yours and everyone else's time with your badly written OP.

Well that puts quite a different complexion on it. If you were invited on the understanding that you would have full use of the whole place then it's unfair of "A" to suddenly turn up with boyf in tow.

Not sure what you can do about it though.

Ah, you’re one of ‘those’ people….

I would never consider someone with small kids to need preferential treatment in the same way as being pregnant or elderly - but if you consider yourself in that category the world atm must feel harsh - the good thing is that soon they’ll be bigger kids and you’ll no longer feel that way - every cloud…

I would offer my guests a more comfortable option if they had children, needed more space, were elderly and so on but especially if I’d offered them the place empty and then decided to go as well.