is this bag childish for year 7

[dinosaursroars]

my 11 year old is going to start year 7 next month and he’s recently diagnosed with autism after i said for years and everyone just said well wait and see but he has no ehcp and im worried he’s quiet and sensitive

He has no ehcp because we couldnt sort it in time and m worried about bullying and just everything about starting secondary school his primary only had 30 kids in a class who he was with all day and when going to places like the hall for pe they were always together but hell be pretty much by himself and thay fills me with anxiety

he’s my 3rd going to this school. my eldest i was abit worried as he started in 2020 and he had no transition days or anything but the worry wasn’t this much and my 2nd i wasnt worried at all hes socialable and loud (sometimes mouthy but a good thing because hes not the typical target for bullies if that makes sense) hes is in. year 10 in sept and theyll be going to school by bus together and im worried about this too as ds will have to wait 5 mins for his brother as year 7s finish early

now to the point of the post im looking at backpacks on vinted and this is his choice (pic attached) js this a target for bullying? id like your opinions but also if you have a child going into year 7 or just finished their opinion if possible

my eldest has said why should it matter what bag he wants and bullies will pick on anything if theyre going to which is true but id like him to not be a direct instant target if possible

also just any other advice and things i had loads of advice about my eldest starting college last year and im just feeling overwhelmed and anxious but dont want ds to feel like this so im trtingto hide it

Also if you’re worried and it goes very badly, continue with the echp and he can stay home whilst you finish it the process and then go for a sen placement on the grounds of school refusal/mainstream not meeting needs. He will be out for a while, but so many parents do this and it mostly works.

Also @dinosaursroars speak to the school before he goes, they will open a few days piror. Speak to the year 7 leader & senco see if they can try and have him with other SEN kids (as there will be some!) autistic people find it a lot easier to be with others on the spectrum.

This

I agree with others that a bigger, simpler bag would be better. I don’t think it has to be black and plain though if that would make him sad, it could be red, navy, blue, green ect. And you could get key rings, pins, and iron on patches as a compromise! He might enjoy being able to customise a bag.

With those two bags you'd be throwing him to the wolves I fear. No offense to wolves...

The bag needs to be bigger, conveniently this means plain bags. The Hype one might still be too small at H42/W30/D12 though. The colour is the least problematic, you could get away with blocks of colour. You could get patches for the inside/backside of the backpack you could buy alongside.

I personally wouldn’t have sent my child into year 7 with either of those bags, especially as you say your son is sensitive and you are worried about bullying. My son takes a really strong/ sturdy, big rucksack now as those flimsy ones aren’t big enough and would rip/ break before the end of the school year. Both of my secondary age children just take plain colour bags, it’s the durability I go for more than design.

My autistic 11 year old is starting in September as well. He's also quite vulnerable, but unbothered by other kids, so does not care if they make comments. Like you, I'm concerned about bullying.
We have also had the debate over school bags. He hates being the same as everyone else, but I'd much rather he try and blend in. We've compromised with the bag and he's agreed to a black Nike bag with a few pin badges so he can personalise it a bit.
Good luck to your son (and you) for September!

I am sorry yes they are too young and also too small! I would be inclined to tell him that the school uniform list requires a big plain coloured backpack, don’t worry about adidas ect just get a completely plain one.

My son is starting year 7 in September.

He still wears 'kid tshirts' around so I've said to him they will need to be 'retired' and only used for home or away from our area.

He understands that there is a 'teenage uniform' as well as a school uniform and you have to follow the rules for both.

Given your son is autistic, I don't think this is a bad way to approach it. You can't break the teenage uniform rules anymore than you can break the school uniform rules.

Yes it sucks, but it helps you keep out of trouble and it serves a purpose. You don't have as much choice at High school as primary.

Just out of interest, Is there anyone on MN whose kid hasn't been diagnosed with autism (or ADHD)?

Typical would be plain black/grey and needs to be bigger for books

My parents are lovely but had no idea about trends or what would help me fit in or even consider fitting in as being important. I hated not having current clothes, bags or shoes. With my child starting high school I asked around to be sure they’d have everything they’d need to wear what others would wear.

I see this comment a lot, I would imagine forums like mumsnet have a high % of ND users, and therefore the % of ND children will be higher.

@dinosaursroars I know it's easy getting stuck in the minutiae of it all with autism but you started this thread, and you know that bag will make him a target.

Just because he's stubborn or won't like it, isn't a reason to step back as a parent. Yes he's autistic but that doesn't mean he can always have his own way (especially when you know it isn't good for him)

The decathlon bag a PP linked is perfect, and much cheaper than Vinted would be.

I'm not sure what the "touch" you're referring to is? Maybe a typo?

You say he’s very fixed on those 2 bags and won’t change his mind. Can you say “oh I just checked the sizes and they’re going to be too small for your books, choose one of these that are big enough” (this time just show a selection that are suitable colours and sizes

Definitely.

Plain black is the safest bet.

Agree that the bag also needs to be much bigger. Kids can carry A LOT of school books around.

Not cowardly!

My DD started yr7 with a massive backpack which I warned her against as it looked like it would bang into people. Within weeks she gave it up for the shoulder tote bag. In yr 8 she insisted on a black Nike backpack.

I think the ones you’ve posted are too babyish sorry OP.

There’s some really affordable patterned Smiggle ones on Vinted with matching lunch bags/pencil cases, if he doesn’t want a plain black one.

Yes it too babyish - it will make him more of a target. Please get him a plain backpack. Don’t make things harder.

I’d recommend getting as big a bag as you can get away with, without him looking like he’s going on a 7 day hike

My DS initially had an Eastpack padded packer which is 24 litres. He took his PE kit in a JD bag but I had to put that inside his rucksack or he’d just leave it in a classroom. I help out with our school uniform exchange and from what I’ve seen he’s not alone.

With the PE kit in (especially if if was football/rugby day and he needed boots) and a packed lunch you could barely get much else in.

My DS has ADHD and possibly autism and would lug all his books about as he was scared he’d forget one and get a code

We ended up investing in a Jansport which I think is around 30 litres

I’d also advise getting one with an external pocket for a water bottle as he had a couple of books spoilt by leaks

I think Smiggle is seen as being for primary age kids too unfortunately

Do NOT send a child to Secondary with Smiggle anything.

For the love of jesus do not get your child to say this. Ever!

15 litres is quite small that’s about the size of a kids rucksack from Smiggle - although they probably have loads of others there that would be good value. Ditto Sports Direct