Page 11 | is this bag childish for year 7

OneAmberFinch · 06/08/2026 22:26

This thread is very interesting to me. When I was at school my parents would just come home one day with things like school bags.

Those bags do look very babyish and I definitely wouldn't do anything complicated with multiple different bags for lunch and books etc. Lunch bag should fit in the big bag

Anarchy99 · 06/08/2026 22:26

Deepstone · 06/08/2026 21:26

The “touch” thing is a bullying game.

The bullies pretend that the target’s touch will contaminate whatever or whoever the target touches, and when this child touches things, as we all do when going about our normal everyday routines, the bullies will say things like “urgh! You’ve got the (name) touch!” Or “This toy’s dirty now because it’s got the (name) touch!”

It’s the sort of thing that a certain sort of mean-spirited child finds great fun, and it can obviously be very distressing for the child who’s the target of this.

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Ah, what was known back in the day as ‘the dreaded lurgy’. One kid was deemed to have it and everything they touched would be ‘contaminated’.

People can preach kindness and inclusivity as much as they want but sadly human nature (particularly immature human nature) means that it’s often only on the surface.

TallSturdyGirls · 06/08/2026 22:30

Needmorelego · 06/08/2026 14:19

This thread makes me sad.
My daughter goes to a SEN school for children with Autism.
They all have a variety of colourful or novelty backpacks, with cute keyrings galore hanging off them and usually covered with pin badges.
And no one cares !
No one says anything nasty.
They just accept each others tastes.
Sometimes I think those with autism have a much better view on life and how to treat one another.

I cannot agree with this more. My DH with auAdhD was bullied at school but could not give less of a fuck about any of what is trendy and would never judge others. Up the difference!

TheSquareMile · 06/08/2026 22:34

@dinosaursroars

OP, have you requested an EHC Assessment for him?

www.gov.uk/children-with-special-educational-needs/extra-SEN-help

Laura95167 · 06/08/2026 22:54

Adults wear disney MLP sonic Tolkien etc loungefly. I dont see the issue

EmiliaRosa · 06/08/2026 22:57

dinosaursroars · 06/08/2026 14:39

its hard to tell on a picture how big the bag is but hes against a plain black bag i showed him some options and he said none and i dont know how to explain to him he needs one because i dont want to stress him out over a bag when secondary school is much bigger than that. theres nothing in the policy about a bag its just “appropriate bag to carry equipment and books”

he will need to fit his lunch in their but hes currently also wanting a lunch bag its hard to tell him no to that also as his brothers both had/have school lunch so i cant say “x and x didnt take a lunchbag” becuase they didnt but theu didnt have an alternative either as they bought

he will need a pe bag either separate or in the bag which is another worry as at primary school he could wear his pe kit to school which was the rule for everyone but he will have to get dressed and he struggles with buttons, ive got him some shirts with velcro instead but hes used to polo shirts as it was either at primary havent got shoes yet but probably will be velcro and again i dont know how thatll go down as most will have laces probably?

im aware im rambling and its not just about the bag the bag is just a small part but all my worries are linked
l

DO NOT send him into yr7 with that bag, please just buy a plain black nike bag else he will be a walking target! For laces you can get elasticated black ones on amazon for like 3pounds!

localnotail · 06/08/2026 23:14

Wow, is your secondary school allows any kind of backpack? We are only allowed school uniform one (East London)

jetSTAR · 06/08/2026 23:22

Our secondary school specifies a plain backpack in a dark colour as part of the uniform list. Does the school specify in your case? You could ‘blame it on the school’ anyway if your son is leaning towards a more ‘childish’ bag?

fromgothtoboss · 06/08/2026 23:25

Black Nike adidas or north face

BogRollBOGOF · 06/08/2026 23:25

Laura95167 · 06/08/2026 22:54

Adults wear disney MLP sonic Tolkien etc loungefly. I dont see the issue

Adults, who are socially confident and established in their tastes and can hold their own in the face of snarky comments. I say this as owner of retro 1980s t-shirts which I've been known to wear on non-uniform days. I don't need validation from teenagers.

That's very different to an 11 year old with social difficulties going off into the unknown of secondary school, where it's more than likely to get negative attention from some gobshite who likes a cheap power trip, and depressingly it's more than likely to be a fellow 11 year old keen to prove that they're grown-up with a complete disdain for anything and anyone "childish"

Even older ND pupils having individual quirky/ character bags is different once they've got an established social position in school and have got to an age where things are "cult" or "ironic" rather than "babyish"

Dreamingofdisneypt2 · 06/08/2026 23:34

Sorry OP he’s going to be a sittimg duck with those choices. I’ve one just finished year7 and it’s black Nike that’s most common. Your obviously doesn’t care about brands but defo steer clear of anything character. It would take a very confident person to be able to carry off a character bag for secondary school.

Laura95167 · 06/08/2026 23:40

BogRollBOGOF · 06/08/2026 23:25

Adults, who are socially confident and established in their tastes and can hold their own in the face of snarky comments. I say this as owner of retro 1980s t-shirts which I've been known to wear on non-uniform days. I don't need validation from teenagers.

That's very different to an 11 year old with social difficulties going off into the unknown of secondary school, where it's more than likely to get negative attention from some gobshite who likes a cheap power trip, and depressingly it's more than likely to be a fellow 11 year old keen to prove that they're grown-up with a complete disdain for anything and anyone "childish"

Even older ND pupils having individual quirky/ character bags is different once they've got an established social position in school and have got to an age where things are "cult" or "ironic" rather than "babyish"

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I think its really sad to teach a kid that hiding what they love is important to fit in, and i think helps it be OK for the kinda bullying you describe to happen.

parents says youre 11, you love sonic but really you need a Nike black bag to fit in. Then almost everyone has a Nike black bag, and anyone who doesnt is fair game.

novalia89 · 07/08/2026 00:08

Yes it is. If he is already at risk of potential bullying, don't make him an easy target like that. Make he blend in more by having a Nike bag or whatever the kids have these days. Reduce the risk.

novalia89 · 07/08/2026 00:11

Laura95167 · 06/08/2026 22:54

Adults wear disney MLP sonic Tolkien etc loungefly. I dont see the issue

He isn't an adult. He is an 11 year old boy in a secondary school environment and at risk of being bullied.

Let him have the bag when out with the family but a plain black or branded bag in school.

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 07/08/2026 00:13

Houseofidol · 06/08/2026 13:25

My DD is starting high school and the bag has caused her lots of anxiety as she doesn't want a handbag style like other girls. It made me feel a little sad but think you are right to be cautious as our children are already at a disadvantage and my may not have the confidence to style out a bolder choice. I think his choice is a bit young to be honest. I would suggest a plain one for starters and he can always switch once he is established. You can always say it's not big enough and suggest he picks from a shortlist you create.

My DS loves to dress formally in full suit, waistcoat, tie, even if we are only going to the park, and as he has got older I am struggling with the balance of letting him feel comfortable and be himself, without exposing him to ridicule from peers and strangers as he can't get away with it being considered 'cute and quirky' like he could when he was little. His appearance just don't occur to him as being an issue, but then he then feels very hurt if anyone makes a negative comment as he doesn't understand why.

Every decision like this chips away at your heart and it's hard to strike the balance between guidance to protect them and allowing them their identity and to find their own way.

Jansport do some lovely backpacks and have a sale at the moment.

Just got one for my eldest. I still have mine going strong and I have had it since before I started my GCSE’s…..I was 40 this year!😂

The zips and material are honestly still perfect after 25 years, he just didn’t want to use a pale pink bag, or he could have had it!

(op, my son is also autistic and like what he likes…..I try and direct him a bit because his choices can be a bit young, but he absolutely won’t have it most of the time! Good luck……I hope your boy is more guided by you than mine is!!)

🌻🌸🌼

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 07/08/2026 00:17

localnotail · 06/08/2026 23:14

Wow, is your secondary school allows any kind of backpack? We are only allowed school uniform one (East London)

Never heard of a secondary school that does this!! This is only done in infant school where we are (Also London!)

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 07/08/2026 00:25

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 06/08/2026 21:28

Not what you have asked but based on what you have said please push hard for an EHCP. Both for support in his current mainstream secondary but also to afford you the option of specialist provision if mainstream isn’t working at secondary level. It will also benefit him to have an EHCP in college and post education up to the age of 25. Based on some of the things you have mentioned it sounds like dyspraxia may also be a possibility.

This is highly unlikely.

There are (homeschooling) websites and groups absolutely full of people removing their children because EHCPs are not being stuck to or there’s ’no funding’ .The stories I read about are London, Bristol, Kent, Manchester, it’s not localised!!

One family recently were told that their children schools could only offer him Lego in the corridor instead of give any learning activities. This was an apparently decent school! The mum removed all 4 of her children to homeschool them.
The system is a mess. Children aren’t catered for. Near us, the autistic school has 60 applicants for each space. It’s definitely not as simple as ‘push for an EHCP’!!!!

141mum · 07/08/2026 00:31

dinosaursroars · 06/08/2026 12:59

my 11 year old is going to start year 7 next month and he’s recently diagnosed with autism after i said for years and everyone just said well wait and see but he has no ehcp and im worried he’s quiet and sensitive

He has no ehcp because we couldnt sort it in time and m worried about bullying and just everything about starting secondary school his primary only had 30 kids in a class who he was with all day and when going to places like the hall for pe they were always together but hell be pretty much by himself and thay fills me with anxiety

he’s my 3rd going to this school. my eldest i was abit worried as he started in 2020 and he had no transition days or anything but the worry wasn’t this much and my 2nd i wasnt worried at all hes socialable and loud (sometimes mouthy but a good thing because hes not the typical target for bullies if that makes sense) hes is in. year 10 in sept and theyll be going to school by bus together and im worried about this too as ds will have to wait 5 mins for his brother as year 7s finish early

now to the point of the post im looking at backpacks on vinted and this is his choice (pic attached) js this a target for bullying? id like your opinions but also if you have a child going into year 7 or just finished their opinion if possible

my eldest has said why should it matter what bag he wants and bullies will pick on anything if theyre going to which is true but id like him to not be a direct instant target if possible

also just any other advice and things i had loads of advice about my eldest starting college last year and im just feeling overwhelmed and anxious but dont want ds to feel like this so im trtingto hide it

No, he will be a target, sad but true. Plain black or Nike

Pussygaloregalapagos · 07/08/2026 01:07

The bag is not relevant. High school is all about status and weakness. Strong characters and groups will seek out weaknesses and target that whatever it is in order to strengthen their own position. It is all training for the dynamic of the rest of life in the world of work, war, business, politics or whatever area people go into the.. Honestly most people you speak to were miserable for much of their school life. It is rarely a pleasant experience except for those that are very thick skinned. Autistic people can often be those people so he may surprise you in his robustness.

Bookworm39 · 07/08/2026 01:18

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 07/08/2026 00:25

This is highly unlikely.

There are (homeschooling) websites and groups absolutely full of people removing their children because EHCPs are not being stuck to or there’s ’no funding’ .The stories I read about are London, Bristol, Kent, Manchester, it’s not localised!!

One family recently were told that their children schools could only offer him Lego in the corridor instead of give any learning activities. This was an apparently decent school! The mum removed all 4 of her children to homeschool them.
The system is a mess. Children aren’t catered for. Near us, the autistic school has 60 applicants for each space. It’s definitely not as simple as ‘push for an EHCP’!!!!

Edited

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No it isnt that simple. But you need an EHCP to get into practically any specialist provision, so it's definitley needed.

If it isnt being adhered to, thats a different fight. But even in mainstream it's hard to get any reasonable supoiet without an EHCP and it gives you a marker to fight to. So absolutely needed.

OP apply for one now yourself, youndont need to wait for school to do it. Use the IPSEA website for template letters.

Dragonflyspeeding · 07/08/2026 01:19

Both bags are too small and too babyish.

My kids use plain black JanSports bags, mainly because this is the bag the majority of their classmates use and they don't want to be different.

My youngest was teased about having a smiggle bag in the last year of primary school. I know DC still prefers Smiggle bags to the JanSports one but its all about 'blending in'.

I would just stop showing him unsuitable bags.

Narrow his selection. Choose a few bigger, plain bags and ask him to pick one. When I need my kids to choose something, I give them the choice of two or three things that I can afford and are suitable. Its less overwhelming for them and easier for me. I've been doing that since they were toddlers.

Bookworm39 · 07/08/2026 01:33

Also sonetimes you need to be a tough parent. He'll get ripped to shreds with that bag. It helps he has a brother in year 11 as that may buy him some protection. But absolutely no to either bag. You are literally sticking a tarhet on his back.

We have a lot if autism in out family. With my DCs one of them is like your son. You're giving him too much choice and its overwhelming. Pick 2 appropriate ones and givd him the choice of them, so he still has a choice. But explain to him why, they do take it on board and be brutal in terms of telling him he will become an easy target for bullies on day 1 if he takes a babyish bag. (buy him it to use at weekends if absolutely needed). They understand things if you point out things in that way. And get elastic laces, not velcro shoes.

He will probably stand out anyway at some points, but dont set him uo for being the one that everybody else bonds with as labelling weird on the first day.

Get the EHCP ball rolling now, you've got 3 weeks and at least it flags up there is an issue. Most LAs refuse a needs assessment, but that's illegal, so you'll need to appeal if so. By doing it now, you'll at least have started the clock ticking on it before schooms go back and people start applying in September.

I agree with a PP that special schools are nicer and more accepting. They need an EHCP though so its a chance to try for one if mainstream doesnr work for your son. Be aware though its a fight to get in one. Took a year to get my son moved, but he thrived once there, so worth the fighting and stress it took.

Madhouse02 · 07/08/2026 04:56

Puffalicious · 06/08/2026 15:10

Honestly OP, other kids are BRUTAL. DS3 is autustic & has all the stuff he needs to not stand out further: black Nike bag, Nike lunch bag, branded trainers for PE, elasticated laces in shoes; North Face waterproof; plain pencil case. We do have shirts with the velcro top button & brilliant pull-up trousers that don't look pull-up & he can loosen his tie enough so doesn't need to re-tie.

Honestly, don't fight this. His life will be unnecessarily difficult if he has either of those backpacks. It's not right, but it's reality.

Hi op
I wanted to comment on this post as a mum of a DD going in to year 8. I tried to do what I thought was best like this parent. Truth is it was the worse decision I made. She was miserable. Struggled to make friends because she actually didn’t feel like her. She felt “ weird “ didn’t feel like she belonged anywhere. Over time we added bits of pieces like a different pencil case that she chose. Now she has a Spider-Man back pack, no Nike trainers etc
she is so much happier being her and actually when she was able to be her she made friends. The right friends that like her for who she is. Is she everyone’s taste ? No ! But it didn’t matter she has friends, she is confident with her choices and her self. We started focusing on that and teaching her to stick up for her self and be confident and she had thrived since.

Madhouse02 · 07/08/2026 04:59

Should add - she did get bullied all year by a person who pretty much bullied everyone. Nothing to with what pencil case or backpack she had.

JMSA · 07/08/2026 05:18

I work in a secondary school. Please don’t send him in with that bag.
A plain black Nike or Adidas backpack would work, with a small Sonic the Hedgehog badge or patch sewn on. You’ll be able to find loads online.