To find it unfair that my colleagues get to have 3/4 weeks off and I don’t?

[Mrsdoubt]

Last year my colleague was granted 4 weeks off as he got married and went on his honeymoon. Another of my colleagues has just been granted 3 weeks off next year for her wedding and honeymoon. Yet, when I have asked for 2 and a half weeks off I have been declined. They are saying it’s because it’s special circumstances, but I am older than my colleagues and won’t really have any special circumstances other than holidays with my family. AIBU to think it’s unfair that other people in my team get to enjoy 3 or 4 weeks off while I can’t ever have more than 2 weeks?!

In my first job there were a lot of smokers in the team. To take a fag break, they had to go down 3 floors and cross the street, so they’d take about 15 minutes to go, smoke a cigarette, and get back. Every couple of hours (or more frequently). Eventually, we all started going out for 15 minutes every couple of hours, but there was nothing they could say to us because they’d already condoned the principle.

@Mrsdoubt I would definitely say that it’s a special holiday (invent a big birthday or a sister’s wedding if you have to) and as you ask, point out that you’ve never had a special extended leave event and won’t be going on honeymoon any time soon. I guess it’ll need to be a one-off, but that’s fair enough isn’t it?

It seems an unfair rule. Most places I have worked have a general rule of two weeks max holiday, and over that you have to ask special permission. Permission is generally given if it’s longhaul and not something you are doing every year. I’ve definitely taken over 2 weeks holiday a few times, and not been married.

you seem very childish to me op
where i work people cannot take 3 weeks off
you need special request if you are say going to australia, then you are allowed more time off
book a holiday to australia

So who decides what a special occasion is? Surely it becomes discriminatory if one person has the power to decide what constitutes special and worthy

I really cannot see why, no.

Who decided that a wedding was the only worthy occasion? By what criteria?

Within all of our lives, we all have occasions that are hugely special to us and extremely important so sod it - Colin in accounts getting married is absolutely not more special or important than me getting to go on holiday for 3 weeks with some
much loved friends or family. Absolutely not. It’s unfair and dismissive of other people and what they have going on in their lives.

I agree. That's why it's difficult to allow something as a one off to one member of staff without the whole team suddenly wanting to same thing. Even if it's something they would never have asked for otherwise.

Op do you have kids under 18 still? Could you apply for unpaid parental leave if so? I believe that might allow you to take up to 4 weeks unpaid at a time.

Lots of honeymoon destinations at 2 weeks due to flight availability. You can go on a 2 week holiday but you can’t take a couple of days for wedding prep and then go on a holiday for 2 weeks so it’s seen as an inconvenient exception for a one off.

It’s the timing needed rather than the actual wedding as many long haul destinations are 2 weeks only. Maldives certainly used to be. So you couldn’t have a day to get married and then fly without more than 2 weeks.

we also live in a Christian culture that celebrates marriage, however the exceptional circumstances are at managers discretion in every place I’ve worked.

its a life event. Wedding, funeral, birth etc. Our whole society and culture are built around such events. Seeing family for longer than 2 weeks for a holiday is not a life event.

It is if it’s not something that can frequently happen due to people’s availability and distance.
You can keep coming back to me all you want to but the OP is being treated unfairly and someone else arbitrarily deciding what’s important enough is just wrong.

After 15 years, can you pitch it as a mini sabbatical?

I understand that travelling to far flung places requires two week minimum.

ask for a sabbatical. Tell them you’re nearing burn out and will come back refreshed and newly motivated

So the only option would be nobody ever gets more that two weeks off. Regardess of reason. Fair to all, no "discrimination".

My DD has been granted extended leave because her trip, around Asia is for her 30th Birthday. You need to say it's for a big birthday, for someone in your party. Or it's a special visit. You shouldn't have to lie, but a business can make a rule like that.

No - the answer is that it’s dealt with like all leave. Is there availability for someone to take this time off? Yes? Then grant it. That’s it. It’s not a ban for all, it’s inclusive. Chances are that it won’t be loads of people requesting it because, unless they have a specific reason, people don’t generally take such large chunks of leave in one go. But their reason for doing so is considered equal to someone else’s.
Where I work, we’re can book more than 2 weeks if we choose and the reason isn’t questioned. If there’s capacity to have it, it’s authorised. If too many are
already off then it’s a refusal. Barely anyone takes over 2
weeks at a time though as our staff preference seems to be to use it throughout the year.

What do you do if it's possible for two people to be off for three weeks but not enough cover for three people to be off for three weeks? Either refuse all requests or accept two. Then you need some kind of system to decide which two.

Where I work, other than Christmas cover, it would be who requests it first. If 2 people are already authorised for 3 weeks then someone else comes along and asks for 1
or 2 weeks later, and there’s not enough people in, it’s a no.
It really doesn’t crop up often though because, like I say, most people unless they have something specific, will have shorter blocks of leave to spread it out and it’s very rare anyone gets leave refused, although not unheard of.

So presumably if you got married you could also take 3 weeks continuous off? So it's not discrimination really just something nice of people have a honeymoon?
I suppose you have to draw the line somewhere.
You could always get a different job if you don't want to be restricted to 2 weeks max at a time.

Other than statutory holiday entitlement (5.6 weeks - whatever your working week is, so if you work 2 days a week, your annual allowance is 2x 5.6 =11.2 days per year. Including bank holidays on a working day, unless your contract gives you more). So anything on top of that is purely contractual and your only recourse would be if you could claim discrimination on the ground if one of the 9 protected characteristics, if you can show that the reason for the differing holiday entitlement is due to your race/sex/ age/disability etc

I would raise it with someone more senior. I’d there is precedent then it’s unfair as whose to say what is a special occasion. Yours is special to you

this happened at my previous employer. I had 3 weeks leave (had service leave at my level that had to be added to 2 weeks leave), my colleague has same 3 weeks then added an extra day due to flights. He then rejected holidays for a direct report who asked for 11 days who needed 1 day due to flights. She complained and he got accused of discrimination. We also had policy anything over 10 day was by agreement but he had no basis for refusing. I hope you get sorted op

My ward manager once tried this . When working in a hospital you understand that you have to work Christmas Day on a regular basis . One year we had a few new starters and when manager she gave them all Christmas Day off . When i
asked why she said it was because they had young children ! I pointed out that reasoning meant that those of us with adult children would never have another Christmas Day off .
She altered the off duty to make it more fair .

Whete I work we have to ask permission for over 2 weeks and as long as in advance it’s approved.
It’s unreasonable of them to think you can’t ever go long haul.
Did you give them advance notice.

Make up a special event. It's your

• 30th/40th/50th wedding anniversary
• your grandmother in Australia's 100th birthday etc

Get creative.

I need at least 5-6 weeks off to feel rested so only ever take chunks. I took 3 months when I got my puppy 11 years ago. 2 weeks is an utter waste of time. It takes that long to stop thinking about work and start relaxing, that's when the real break starts.

If there is nothing in your contract restricting holidays to 2 weeks I’d be inclined to ask your HR department (assuming you have one) about it. Establish is there are guidelines as to in what circumstances it would be approved; it may highlight a manager making up rules or at least get them to think more about it (would it be approved at less popular times of the year for example?).

I used to work for a large corporate who had ‘special’ rules for those getting married and ultimately it was successfully challenged and everyone who had not taken advantage of the ‘special leave’ was able to do so. My point being, they did regard it as potentially discriminatory and took steps to correct it.

Also, having managed team holidays for years I’d have approved 17 days for a long haul trip, especially if it was outside popular holiday time.

Good luck, I hope you get the chance to go to Australia.