To find it unfair that my colleagues get to have 3/4 weeks off and I don’t?

[Mrsdoubt]

Last year my colleague was granted 4 weeks off as he got married and went on his honeymoon. Another of my colleagues has just been granted 3 weeks off next year for her wedding and honeymoon. Yet, when I have asked for 2 and a half weeks off I have been declined. They are saying it’s because it’s special circumstances, but I am older than my colleagues and won’t really have any special circumstances other than holidays with my family. AIBU to think it’s unfair that other people in my team get to enjoy 3 or 4 weeks off while I can’t ever have more than 2 weeks?!

This happens at my work too - single parent got the whole of August, therefore no holiday for me in August (we cover for each other)I complained as I also have a school aged child - my youngest doesn't need childcare, but is in an exam year next year (and she also had June half term - she works four days but still gets 30 days holiday) and I am not okay with not being able to visit family abroad with him due to not being allowed to take time off in school holidays. I wouldn't mind as much if she didn't openly over share the fact that her ex, her parents and her ex's parents all have her child during the holidays and she "needs" the downtime without her child during the school holiday...

I did get a week and a half of August when I complained - I didn't ask for longer and my boss pointed out they'll be in a really tricky position with neither of us there, but I don't care any more, they shouldn't have assumed I'd lump zero time off with my kid to give her five weeks with (and partially without) hers!

More than two weeks is against our policy too, so I didn't expect her to have put in for the whole of August and was initially willing to work around whatever her ex and parents and holiday clubs left her needing, but all bets are off as she asked for the lot and flagged it as for caring responsibilities, knowing I also have a school age kid and family abroad!

Make one up.

If you are married then a special anniversary. If you aren’t then make up a marriage (but you are having a humanist celebrant and not getting legally married - too easy to check).
Marry yourself - have a commitment ceremony to celebrate your one true love - YOU!
If you have grown up children one of them is getting married abroad and you are matron of honour and then going in the honeymoon as child care.

Not sure this is the best advice I’ve ever given but I think it’s unfair.

@ If op goes to HR they'll be able to look into the reasons. If it's been denied because of a genuine reason based on work flow then that's reasonable and alternative dates can be offered. If it's Purley based on the reason for leave that's a different scenario.

I think it’s really unfair because who’s to say one person’s reason for wanting a longer leave period is more important or special than someone else’s. It’s as important and special the person booking the leave whether they’re getting married, going away for their birthday or staying at home doing day trips or doing some house maintenance.

I once tried to book leave at Christmas and got my request in first and hadn’t had any Christmas leave for a few years. Someone asked for it after me and they were given it because they were planning to go away for Christmas and I wasn’t. It was dreadfully unfair. My reason for wanting the leave was just as important to me.

OP if I was you I’d ask HR what constitutes special circumstances and ask who exactly decides it.

And say what? That you can see what is written in the handbook/contract in terms of holiday allowance but you don’t agree with it? I’m sure that’ll go well for you

@Malasana OP if I was you I’d ask HR what constitutes special circumstances and ask who exactly decides it.

This ^ is good advice.

This is very unfair, and a potential minefield if the other person doesn't have children as you could get into why they don't (infertility, no partner, a child death...)
My mum was a teacher and so she and my dad had to go on hols in school holiday time. But his work would quibble about letting him have time off then because they prioritised other people who had children at school, as if he didn't have a wife at school or as if that mattered less because she was an adult.

I think a one off holiday is just as important as a honeymoon tbh. I think you've been treated disgracefully OP

The company could easily say that staff can apply for this "special circumstances" leave once every 5 years

Not discriminatory - could apply to anything. Grandmas 90th birthday, a trip round the world, close relative having a baby, whatever. Essentially restricting it to people getting married is out of order.

If I was.going to Australia on holiday for example I'd want to take more than 2 weeks is that so crazy?! I
I think it's just an unfair policy!

My past employer had a policy like this. It used weddings as an example but could have been for any major life event at the discretion of management. They are not getting more leave days, just a one off exception to take more leave than normal in one chunk.

The reasoning is usually that having more than 2 weeks off at a time could be disruptive to the business and also it’s a lot of leave to use all at once (leaving less for the rest of the year). A lot of employers encourage leave to be taken evenly throughout the year so employees don’t experience burn out, or risk owing the company money if they leave part way through the year and have taken more leave than they’ve accrued.

It’s also relevant how many leave days you have. If you only have the legal minimum (20 days plus bank hols) it wouldn’t be a good idea to take so much in one go.

Strange statement. The same can be said about the whole 'getting married' thing. A wedding is one day. Honeymoons don't need to be longer than two weeks either.

Presumably they won't be getting married again in the near future at any rate?

Surely your holiday entitlement is included in your contract and the number of annual leave days could depend on your length of service. If they’ve been working there longer than you then they will have accrued more A/L days. Check with your HR department as well as your contract.

I used to work in an office with a lot of Asian staff who had moved to the UK in the 1960's and 1970's.
They used to be allowed to take their annual leave in one large bloc because of the time it took them to get home once they had landed in India or Pakistan - before the era of cheap internal flights - so they had to either go by train or drive.
Basically it would take them a day to fly home, then at least two or three days to get to their family home.

Well time to make something up then since they won't listen if you complain?
Special anniversary, children being married, unwell family member.

I'd say "well for me and my family our trip of a lifetime to Machu Picchu trekking through the rainforest to get there, is as important a life event as Clare from Accounts getting married".

The same total amount of paid leave is allowed, it the length of time that can be taken at once that is limited without a special reason. As I said, in the health service, its usually (always) a part of ther standard Ts and C's

Honestly, I'd consider booking your two weeks for Australia and just go off sick for the third week they are begrudging you.

Actually I did allow a very similar holiday as a special event and allowed 4 weeks off for it.

Sadly that could result in dismissal for gross misconduct.

I’ve had contracts like that before and managed to negotiate 3 weeks to go to the other side of the world. I spoke to my manager in advance about when it would be a good time, considering our workflow and busy times, and they were reasonable. I also explained that for the business it actually causes less disturbance to take leave in a big block rather than a week at a time (I’m not sure that was true but worth trying!).

Does everyone have the same contract? I once worked for a company where at some point they changed the rules on sick leave. Where previously it said you needed a sick note if you were off "for more than three days", it was changed to "for three days or more". So there were actually two different contracts, depending entirely on when you'd joined the company. If your contract had the old wording you could have three days off, but if it had the new wording you could only have two.

You sound like for an older person you’re having a tantrum! Where I work we’re only allowed more than 2 weeks in special circumstances. It pretty common practice!

You haven't answered any of e questions I asked.

Why did they sat no?

Who said no?

Is it the same manager as the others?

It seems fair to me. They’ve got to draw the line somewhere. Weddings and honeymoons are special occasions. You fancying a longer break.. well then everyone else could jump on that too and then you’d have lots of 3 week breaks which presumably doesn’t work well for the company.