To find it unfair that my colleagues get to have 3/4 weeks off and I don’t?

[Mrsdoubt]

Last year my colleague was granted 4 weeks off as he got married and went on his honeymoon. Another of my colleagues has just been granted 3 weeks off next year for her wedding and honeymoon. Yet, when I have asked for 2 and a half weeks off I have been declined. They are saying it’s because it’s special circumstances, but I am older than my colleagues and won’t really have any special circumstances other than holidays with my family. AIBU to think it’s unfair that other people in my team get to enjoy 3 or 4 weeks off while I can’t ever have more than 2 weeks?!

Surely you're going to Australia to meet the grandchild/niece/nephew/long lost sibling you've never met? Sorry OP, I initially thought you were being a bit unreasonable but after reading your updates it's clear you're not. If you were asking for multiple weeks every year you might be, but you've worked there for 15 years and they can't grant you an extra few days for an extended family holiday? Ridiculous.

Well I'd be having a bereavement in Australia next year if I was you @Mrsdoubt .

It is unfair, but it’s also very normal in UK workplaces, and the key thing is this:
“Special circumstances” leave is discretionary. Ordinary holiday isn’t.
That’s the whole tension.

Your colleagues didn’t get 3–4 weeks because the company allows long holidays as a rule. They got it because weddings + honeymoons are treated as one‑off exceptional events that employers often bend over backwards to accommodate.

they can only accommodate this as its not generally allowed so there shouldn't be any clashes. Its about fairness. What if there are two of you both with kids and one of you books 3-4 weeks off in long school holidays to avoid childcare issues, is that fair on the other. There are lots of similar examples and this is why they make it the exception rather than the rule.

You’re asking for something different: a long block of ordinary annual leave, which employers are much stricter about because of staffing, workload, and business continuity.

We had this policy at my last work and your 17 day long haul would have been approved. Generally speaking a non-standard holiday - touring or long haul that was just over 2 weeks was nearly always approved essentially it was to allow for a 2 week vacation plus the 2-3 day travel.
If you could demonstrate that it was a special holiday e.g. honeymoon or large family it was approved for 3 weeks
They covered people taking the piss by saying it was, from recollection, only 1 in 3 years you could get it approved. So you couldn't do Honeymoon to the Maldives in 2026 for 3 weeks, a 3 week family trip with 4 siblings and all of their families (72 people in total) for trip to New Zealand in 2027 and then a 3 week cruise around the Carribbean in 2028.

No 3+ week holidays were approved to the best of my knowledge as they would have to be once in a lifetime sailing around the world sort of trips.

One previous employer got themselves in a pickle by being too accommodating and not thinking through the consequences of extended leave when they gave two staff members (married to each other) 6 weeks off for a cycling through Europe holiday. It meant that everyone else's holidays had to be carefully managed and unpaid overtime required to manage the workload. Morale took a nose dive and they changed their policy and didn't allow it again

I agree it's an unfairness, and if you are feeling brave enough I do think it's worth making a case to your higher ups that's just because people may not choose to get married and have honeymoon, it does not mean that are automatically exempt from especially long leave.

4 weeks in one go is just so normal here, people like to have a big chunk of time to spend at their summer cottage or whatever, or just relax thoroughly knowing they don't have to think about work for ages. Almost everyone in my company has taken their holiday in one chunk this year. If they need more time off later for whatever reason then they take it off and make up the hours another time - I've never been refused a day off when I've asked so far except once when there was a one off event that I was needed at, I even took two weeks of extra holiday with banked hours this year (as I started mid-year so had only earnt two weeks holiday and wanted four). I'll save up some more and take time off for the inbetween days around Christmas.

It does not sound like age discrimination. People can marry at any age. Marriage isn't the only exceptional circumstance either. There is no way this could be held up as age discrimination.

it depends how its operated. We would be open to many varieties of "special circumstance" but it was more of a one off expectation....so a special holiday one year but then not again

yes we had an only one person from the team at a time rule.

This is pretty standard IME. Three or four weeks would have to be signed off by a manager.

It's not like it's free holiday - it comes out of their annual allowance.

Totally normal for more than 2 weeks to be for exceptional circumstances - wedding being a key one. In the same way you only get maternity leave if you have a baby, you only get exceptional leave for exceptional reasons rather than you fancy a long holiday.

So maybe it's time employers started reviewing this. If people can have 3 weeks for a honeymoon and it's coming out of their AL as normal, I see no reason whatsoever why an unmarried/childless person shouldn't be able to have 3 weeks just because they fancy it. Otherwise imo it is a form of discrimination given that some people never marry or have kids.

Obviously there is an issue of cover for the person's work, I realise that, but if it can be done for a honeymooner it should be equally possible for someone wanting a longer holiday for a different reason.

I don't suppose there's any chance you could say you are renewing your vows and going on a second honeymoon?

It’s not supposed to be something everyone uses as it has such a big impact. In my work place I’d also be allowed 3 weeks to visit family overseas fora wedding/christening etc as my brother is in Canada, so not just for weddings, just unique/not every year circumstances. Stop looking to play the discrimination card.

My boss refused to let me have more than one day off to move- he then took 3 weeks off to move himself- it's unfair, but someone else has the power.

This is that by pushing for a change in policy you won’t get any extra time off. They’ll just remove the special allowances. You’ll just ruin it for everyone.

I think it’s unfair, and I think you’ve every right to feel aggrieved. Unless you’re lucky enough to be able to go off long haul holidays every year it’s not going to be a regular occurrence is it.
As a manager, my colleague who takes 3 weeks off every winter to visit family, is actually far easier to cover than the one who takes random long weekends off all summer. But both are only using the annual leave that they are entitled to and I’d much rather they were happy, than have me prescribe what they do with it

An old (retired) colleague of mine recently cruised around the world. It took 4 months.

A honeymoon is just a holiday though.

It’s a holiday but it’s also seen to be a once in a lifetime thing. Nobody goes into their wedding thinking they’ll have another one.

No one “needs” more than 2 weeks to get married though. Either it should be written in to the policies (still shit) or everyone should be treated the same and with equal consideration.

It’s absolute bollocks to say someone who is getting married deserves to have the ripples bent for them. I’m never going to marry or have kids, so I shouldn’t get any breaks right?

But it is discriminatory, you’re basically saying people who don’t have what you arbitrarily consider to be big, worthy life events deserve less favourable treatment. That is the very definition of discrimination. Might not be unlawful as not impacting on protected characteristics, but discriminating nonetheless.

This is not uncommon in certain sectors. However, a long haul holiday can be considered a circumstance by most needing a longer holiday. In any case this could come under discrimination so I would have a discussion with your manager

No, I won't, because I view this as an issue that can tip over into discrimination in some workplace cultures.

Really? You can’t see why? One of the reasons is that for most people a wedding happens once or maybe twice in a lifetime. For example out of a workforce of 50 maybe 1 or 2 would be getting married that year so they get the extended holiday. If 40 of them decide they want to spend extra time with family that would not be feasible for the company.. who do they fairly say yes or no to? and then the next year the same people enjoyed their 3 week break and want to do it again.