To find it unfair that my colleagues get to have 3/4 weeks off and I don’t?

[Mrsdoubt]

Last year my colleague was granted 4 weeks off as he got married and went on his honeymoon. Another of my colleagues has just been granted 3 weeks off next year for her wedding and honeymoon. Yet, when I have asked for 2 and a half weeks off I have been declined. They are saying it’s because it’s special circumstances, but I am older than my colleagues and won’t really have any special circumstances other than holidays with my family. AIBU to think it’s unfair that other people in my team get to enjoy 3 or 4 weeks off while I can’t ever have more than 2 weeks?!

I worked in one of these places

I presume they don't ask for a marriage certificate or proof of needing to go abroad for a funeral

Anyway, it pissed me off too. When I went abroad for my 40th, I told them I was taking three weeks off. They did have about nine months notice to be fair.

I think sometimes they don't know what to do when they get told. But they knew damn fine I'd resign if I didn't get it so.... yeah.

it's often just a blunt tool to prevent people taking the time off, but in reality they don't care. Have you actually asked them? I mean, ask them by having a sit down with your manager and explaining the unfairness of it.

That's a case of sour grapes and one person ruining it for everyone else.

I wonder if the OP would like to be that person.

Move into the financial sector, OP. My DH had to take 1 holiday of at least 2 weeks every year!

I'd wonder if there was a case of people being treated differently based on their marital status ? Which could be contrary to the ECHR

I agree that your company's policy is discriminatory. I understand that it may not be in the business interest to allow everyone to have a long holiday every year, but to have an unwritten policy that favours those who marry over those that don't is unfair. Some people will never marry, so are they never allowed to have longer than two weeks off?

Can you take unpaid leave? Can you afford to? What about parental leave? You don't say whether you have kids or not, but this is often allowed during school holidays if you have kids under 18. My boss, for instance, is taking two weeks holiday plus one week's unpaid parental leave this month and another parent is taking three individual weeks off over the summer. I will be doing the same in future, as I get a terrible holiday allowance (the legal UK minimum )

Other events in people's lives, that might require extra leave, are just as important as getting married. What about people who never marry, never have kids and are often the ones left picking up the slack? Do their priorities matter less?

Could you take a sabbatical OP? Many companies allow this for long-serving members of staff, so take a look at your employment contract. In my company you are allowed up to three months off after X number of years service (I can't remember what it is, but it's definitely less than 15).

Also your employer is shit. Anyone I have worked for is happy to support a longer leave as long as it does not impact BAU activity. They certainly never penalised those who weren’t married.

Fuck em. If they want to be awkward buggers then play the game.

Book your holiday as many days as you are allowed and phone in sick for the difference. Obviously you need to be good at keeping secrets.

How is people’s work covered while they’re away? In my last organisation there were limits in some teams re. how many people could be off at the same time, because work had to be shared-out between the people who were still in. We were always ok to cover extra time for someones’s big event because we’d be happy for them. “I want a long holiday” is not such a moment, especially as it limits anyone else wanting to go away the same month.

I guess they think that you (and everyone else) can do a similar holiday every year but a honeymoon is only likely once per person. They don't want to repeatedly cover extended leave periods.

You could ask again maybe at a quieter time?

Ask them to provide examples of what constitutes special circumstances.

That is ridiculous - I will never get long-service extra days because I am unlikely to work the 10 years to get it - but that's just a consequence of my previous choices, it's just tough.

What's more unreasonable is people thinking they need 3 bloody weeks to get married and go on holiday ( sorry 'honeymoon')! Not to mention all the wasted hours at work of them planning that wedding and honeymoon!

It's the same where I work, no more than 2 consecutive weeks unless it is is for a very special occasion which tends to be weddings/honeymoon.
However, I was allowed 2.5 weeks once to go on a big family holiday celebrating an anniversary. They acknowledged we live in the arse end of no-where, had young children and needed an extra day/stopover to get to and from the holiday!

It’s not unreasonable for your employer to only allow this for special occasions only but perhaps they need to broaden what is a special occasion and not just limit it to weddings. It would be unreasonable of you to lie as some posters have suggested, they can’t have all their staff going off for 3 weeks at a time, it would be a nightmare! It also can cause burn out and people going off for stress because they use all their holiday up at one point in the year and struggle to cope with the rest of the year with no break.

Is this the nhs by any chance. If so there should be clear guidelines/policies on what is fair and equitable.

Ask your union rep, they've got me out of some of the games that have been tried over the years. As a single childless female it often appeared i didnt have the same rights apparently.

Take this to HR and mention ageism and discrimination.

Maybe they need to change the contract to strictly cap the exceptional circumstances

For once a business is trying to do something nice, and it's very unlikely it can be abused. How many people genuinely get married every single year and "ask" (not even guaranteed) for wedding/ honeymoon exception?
It's also a good way to retain staff.

If you start allowing birthdays, anniversaries, your new garden chairs as a special circumstance, it will never end. Or it will have to end full stop.

It's depressing that sour grapes ruin it for everybody else.

DH’s work used to have this policy. It got scrapped when someone requested a longer holiday for their honeymoon and their manager said no.

it caused a bit of a storm as folks normally got it and the manager announced it was only for special occasions and weddings “supported by the company”. Was a legal suit waiting to happen 😂

Is this the nhs? They are absolute buggers for doing this- happens so often and very unfairly done.

Lie and fabricate special circumstances

I recently had a similar situation at work. I booked a week off, boss said oh you shouldn't really be taking that week, do you have anything booked for it?? I said, yes, a holiday cottage (lie). Oh well he said, I suppose you can have it then.

If I'd have said no, I'm sitting at home watching tubi and eating Doritos he'd have declined it.

Work is mad, and you have to play the game.

I have worked for SMEs for the last thirty years and this exact rule has been stipulated in to every contract. Maximum of 10 days AL to be taken consecutively, anymore than this will need permission from management for special occasions e.g honeymoon.

It’s quite standard.

Is there an age limit on getting married?

It's noting to do with age, and everything to do with marital status (and potentially, by extension) sexuality.

We don't know if the company has the same policy regardless of the specifics of the marriage.

Get married again if you want the time that badly.
What a stupid thing to say.

Dh and I wanted 4 weeks off to travel around Europe.
We had to take 1 week from the previous years annual leave and plan the holiday for April/May so it didn’t affect summer holiday requests.
It was also made clear that it would be a one time only permission.
I’m still amazed that our bosses agreed to it. We had a great time.