AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

[Lovingmynewlifestyle]

I need a little help. I have a strong suspicion that my husband is having / starting an affair. He has recently had two meetings (meals out - he paid) that I know of with a married friend, they knew each other before I met him. They talk frequently via text and I think a second Facebook account (that I don’t have access to). He has never told me about this I discovered a message by accident and have since found proof. I think he is now hiding how he communicates via hidden apps in his iPhone, he is very tech aware, and this these hidden apps are protected by touch ID that I don’t know how to get around.

The thing is I am going away tomorrow to visit family 150 miles away. I think this OW is coming around to my house to listen to music. I can’t prove 100%.

Am I unreasonable to get internal cameras? I can organise this tonight if I order now via prime. But I don’t know what to order, any suggestions?? It has to be easy to install. I am not tech savvy.

I have met this person, and we are due out as a group soon. Not leaving my husband so don’t suggest. Need to confront with evidence.

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. Go for it OP and I hope you find what you need.

On the tech front, you can get onto the phone using the passcode, then go to screentime or battery in settings and that will show the apps he’s using so you can identify the name of the “secret” apps. Then you can find it on his phone and look

I think if you’re wanting to put a blink or similar in a window he’ll surely see that? It’s a bit obvious. You’d need a tiny nanny cam setting up, and this sounds crazy but, in a plant pot outside or something? I wouldn’t put them inside, you won’t want to see if he does something…

Existing external cameras that she's aware of, and could learn to control.

That's a very different thing to surreptitiously setting up a hidden camera, as well you know.

Op, just leave him. You obviously don't trust him, why spend the rest of your life in an unhappy relationship.

Comments are odd. Yes stick up a small camera in bedroom window to film the drive. Does sound like he is cheating. If money isn’t an issue you can hire a private detective to prove this for you.

How can a relationship last without trust?

If I found out my spouse was spying on me in my own home I would leave them. What a disgusting invasion of privacy.

Exactly 💯 @Beetrootsmoothie - a degree of privacy is normal but it is also normal and expected to tell your partner where you go and who you meet- you naturally want to share it with yoyr partner/husband. You don't ask for permission, you do it out of love for each other and respect.

I’m sorry if I’m missing something but if you already know he’s arranging for her to come over and listen to music while you’re away, then what additional info will a camera recording her arrival at your front door give you?

If you were my spouse and put in hidden cameras you wouldnt have to worry about leaving me. Id leave you.

2nd FB, hidden comms apps... thats quite proactive and cheating with a woman that you bith socialise with..

If hes doing that and youre doing all this double checking im not sure what you get from staying. If youre not leaving him, why do you need to confront him? His marriage vows havent slowed him down why would a confrontation?

It’s illegal to record someone without them knowing isn’t it? And surely if he sees a ring doorbell he would just take her to hotel instead?

I'd get a listening device for the bedroom. If you hear her go in you know it's not to listen to vinyl.

Besides if you did record them you don't have to get the popcorn out and sit down and watch it.

Just say you have irrefutable proof. He doesn't need to know how

Which cameras stick on the inside please OP? Looking for one for security but not a ring camera.

I don't think YABU, it's for peace of mind but could be easier engineering an impromptu return as some have suggested.
Only he'd come to the door and wouldn't be caught in any act.

Sorry you're going through this and hope you find closure.

Why is there a blind spot on the front door? This is the commonest way for an intruder to enter the house. You would be sensible to have a camera there anyway.

You seem fixed on the idea that he may bring her into the home while you are away. This seems very unlikely. Especially as you say there are other people living there. The deception, so far, seems to imply an emotional affair is developing. If so, your absence is going to be the first proper opportunity to escalate it. The question you need to consider is, do you nip it in the bud, or, let it develop and then go nuclear. Or not.

Why bother worrying about it and trying to find out if you won't leave him?🤔

OP sounds somewhat deluded if she really thinks she is happy and content with things in her life right now. If she was why is this other person causing all this angst?

Ask him. I wouldnt be happy about her coming round your house to "listen to music"?

I experienced being filmed in my own home as my ex suspected I was having an affair. I wasn't and the most he got was watching me iron and hoover the stairs. However, he was arrested for it! Believe me, you need to think about what you're doing.
You obviously have suspicions. Call him out on it .

It’s a sticky slope. My Dsis paranoid DH done this, left them up months stalking her, there was no affair, once again his insecurities ran wild.
Knocking off the WiFi will disable the camera. He would notice them and change plans.
Hire a private detective. 🫣

Op, are you saying that if he was shagging this woman but told you in advance, that you would be ok with it?

Privacy and secrecy are not the same.

Please don't do this. It is creepy and illegal. If you are having to do this, the relationship is over. If you don't want to leave, what outcome do you want if you confront him with this?

OUCH

She wants to film the drive, not the bedroom. It's not creepy or illegal to film your own drive, especially when there is already CCTV there anyway.

The thing is you already know she's coming round to listen to music from the messages OP, why do you need to watch her come round when the messages have already made it clear that she's coming? Surely screen shots of the messages are enough proof to confront him with, why wait until he's had the chance to have sex with her at your house? Why not confront him now and tell him you don't want them meeting up any more because he's been secretive about it?

Get him to message her in front of you and tell her that his wife isn't happy about them seeing each other due to their past relationship so he won't be able to meet up any more. Then tell him you want to have free access to his phone to try to rebuild the trust.

If he's not prepared to do that then you know you are no longer his priority.

Will be not see the camera?
I will get flamed, but how I did it was with a tiny voice recorder in two rooms, sound activated.
I heard all conversation😥
It was the only way I could get absolute and concrete proof.