AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

[Therewegothen]

DH and I are in the very early stages of separating. We have 2 primary age kids.

I've absolutely no idea how I'm going live on a single income. Please can people give my head a wobble?

I work full time, earning £46000. I work in a regulated profession (Social Work) so moving jobs won't improve pay and I haven't got the headspace for a promotion at the moment (plus there are no vacancies in the next level up).

I bring home £2600 a month. Having done a benefits calculator online I will receive £190 in child benefit, £424 UC and then, hopefully £638 in maintenance. But I'm guessing I shouldn't bank on that?

Stbex will have 50/50 custody. Is it reasonable to expect he pays half child care costs and half kids activities and needs? Or is that what maintenance is for?

We currently own and I should get around £100k equity once fees etc are taken out. The cheapest houses in my area are £300k for a 3 bed (kids are b&g, 10&8 and the houses are kitchen and living room, no extra reception room).

I could move to a cheaper area but then costs to get the children to school and my commuting costs go up significantly.

I need to buy a car as I need one for work and does DH, the current family car is his.

I'll need to buy furniture etc.

We have about £40k in savings, I'm guessing I'll get half? Even though it's all money DH got from redundancy and work shares?

Having looked at mortgages, my mortgage will be £1300 and my income will be £3214 plus maintenance.

Is £1914 enough to live off? Gas, electric, water, broadband, food, dog food & insurance, house maintenance, Christmas, kids birthdays, childcare (no non-paid support), kids clothes, uniform etc, kids hobbies? It doesn't seem like much but I'm guessing plenty of people manage?

I did look at reducing my hours, but it's half time or full time, no in-between and the income difference would be too big even accounting for reduced childcare costs.

AIBU to be worried about the finances?

Yep. Very nice

It really was!

I thought you had to have them installed if moving to new house or has that changed

I've just googled and it's not the case in my area. Thanks for raising though, that would have been an unpleasant surprise!

You honestly need to talk to him. I’ve always said to my partner that if we broke up he would have to have the children as I just wouldn’t be able to afford to on my wage. I’d only have enough money to have a room in a shared house and I’d just have to crack on with working and see the kids at the weekends. They are tween and teenage ages now so it would be a bit easier to do that.

Fair enough. Although if a meter already fitted I think you have to stick with it. TBH my bills went down 75% after neter fitted

It’s really up to you. Your relationships with your children.

I wouldn’t want to give up time with mine, even if it meant I was reliant on benefits. But my ex wouldn’t be able to provide for them and it sounds like yours would, so it’s an entirely different situation.

If it is an exact 50/50 split then you won't receive any maintenance. The Gov calculator is just an estimate - it counts 50/50 as being anywhere between 175 to 182 days per year. If one parent has the child only 175 days, then yes they will need to pay maintenance.

You will have enough to live on, but it won't be the lifestyle that you're used to unfortunately.

You won't get maintenance and whether you believe a lot more people should be eligible for benefits, where do you expect the additional money to come from ? The government is already borrowing a lot more than they should.