AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

[Therewegothen]

DH and I are in the very early stages of separating. We have 2 primary age kids.

I've absolutely no idea how I'm going live on a single income. Please can people give my head a wobble?

I work full time, earning £46000. I work in a regulated profession (Social Work) so moving jobs won't improve pay and I haven't got the headspace for a promotion at the moment (plus there are no vacancies in the next level up).

I bring home £2600 a month. Having done a benefits calculator online I will receive £190 in child benefit, £424 UC and then, hopefully £638 in maintenance. But I'm guessing I shouldn't bank on that?

Stbex will have 50/50 custody. Is it reasonable to expect he pays half child care costs and half kids activities and needs? Or is that what maintenance is for?

We currently own and I should get around £100k equity once fees etc are taken out. The cheapest houses in my area are £300k for a 3 bed (kids are b&g, 10&8 and the houses are kitchen and living room, no extra reception room).

I could move to a cheaper area but then costs to get the children to school and my commuting costs go up significantly.

I need to buy a car as I need one for work and does DH, the current family car is his.

I'll need to buy furniture etc.

We have about £40k in savings, I'm guessing I'll get half? Even though it's all money DH got from redundancy and work shares?

Having looked at mortgages, my mortgage will be £1300 and my income will be £3214 plus maintenance.

Is £1914 enough to live off? Gas, electric, water, broadband, food, dog food & insurance, house maintenance, Christmas, kids birthdays, childcare (no non-paid support), kids clothes, uniform etc, kids hobbies? It doesn't seem like much but I'm guessing plenty of people manage?

I did look at reducing my hours, but it's half time or full time, no in-between and the income difference would be too big even accounting for reduced childcare costs.

AIBU to be worried about the finances?

Absolutely no way he'd agree to me cutting my hours!

In 50:50 care , when CMS in enforced despite equal custody, the paying parent (usually the father) can request that the child benefit is moved to his name (as he shares care equally) - so if there are two children one CB could be registered with mum, one with dad.
if he wins , he gets the CB and it then entitles him to claim UC and maintenance from the other parent. The other parent loses CB, UC and maintenance. I would strongly advise against claiming CMS in 50:50 scenarios. The government should have fixed this website issue ages ago.

I agree

No matter how amicable things seem to be right now, do NOT count on him to be 'fair' when it comes to finances. His main concern will be HIS financial 'welfare', not yours.

Let him make an offer if you want, but be sure you get legal advice on any offer he makes. TBH, you should quietly be seeing a solicitor now wrt finances, benefits, etc. The only way to know what's what is to talk to an expert. Write down a 'snapshot' of both of your incomes, all investments, pensions, banking and the mortgage details and talk to someone who really knows the law and what you should be able to realistically expect. You may be surprised. Remember, knowledge is power and forewarned is forearmed.

I struggle with the fact that you earn £46k and will be entitled to UC despite the fact the kids dad earns over £130k.
It should be down to your ex husband to pay for his kids not the taxpayer.

• btw your kids will be also on free school meals.

Someone tell me how that makes sense.

Your savings will make you ineligible for UC.

Stay together. Try Counselling. Sounds a headache separating. You just swap one set of problems for another .

I get where you are coming from, but that's the law, not me making shit up.

And they won't be on free school meals - the entitlement to that is additional to UC claims.

Been there, done that. This has been 5 years coming.

There won't be any savings when I apply.

No. The rules on free school meals change in September

That's lucky then.
You earn nearly 200k between you and there won't be any savings.

Bet he doesn’t want you touching his pension. You need to get proper financial advice here not 50/50 to be seen to be fair to him.

I think you need decent legal advice. The starting point is that assets are split 50/50 and that includes pensions, cars and property. Different things impact this but if he isn't sharing his pension then you need more in some other area. It is worth paying for decent legal financial advice to ensure a fair settlement.
As a side note no kids activity is worth them only seeing a parent 5% of the time, as a SW you must actually know this.

We currently have £40k in savings, £20k of which will be mine. It'll be spent on stamp duty £5000, solicitor costs £2000, moving costs £500, car £5000, insurance and tax £600. Which leaves me with £6900. I then need to buy stuff for the new house as we dont currently have 2 of everything. If I can buy a reliable car cheaper, then I will.

I'm lucky that I have the savings to spend on the necessary items above I'll give you that much.

Edit: and it'll be less than that given the legal advice everyone is recommending I get.

No everyone on UC can get free school meals from September

Well, one evening a week and one weekend day, something like that.

And it's the quality of care, not volume that matters.

They may look at what you spent your money on before then to check it was not deprivation of capital.

I know. I work in adult social care I'm well versed in deprivation of assets. Nothings I've listed above could be remotely considered deprivation of assets.

Quality of care is important but so is time, time to just be in the same space. To pick up small snippets of their life here and there. Spending time with you is going to matter more than after school clubs.

Volume of course also matters! Have you calculated if you could afford to only have the kids 5% of the time? You’d obviously just have your wage, but would have to pay hundreds every month in maintenance in addition to budgeting for uniforms, birthdays, days out etc. Financially you may not be better off. Also if he earns so much does he not do long hours? Would the kids not end up in childcare longer?

Are you definitely entitled to UC? How can someone earning well above average be entitled to tax payers money, surely that can't be right is it?

I'd question your 'raving lefty' comment if you have no idea that financially you are in a considerably better position than some 2 parent families, let alone a single parent family.

This has been covered many times on this thread now. Yes, I'm entitled to UC.

I didn't say I'm not better off than a large portion of other single parents. I wasn't asking how I do compared to others. I am asking for advice on how I live on the numbers I have.

Agreed.

It's all wrong.
I'm working earning much less. Struggling to pay bills.
Her husband earns a fortune.

Takes the absolute piss.

Something is very wrong in this country.

Ex husband - she will be single when she claims. Silly to suggest OP should be penalised because she earns (and therefore pays more tax) more than you. She’s basically going to get a good chunk of her childcare covered, she’s not going to be rolling in it