AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

[Therewegothen]

DH and I are in the very early stages of separating. We have 2 primary age kids.

I've absolutely no idea how I'm going live on a single income. Please can people give my head a wobble?

I work full time, earning £46000. I work in a regulated profession (Social Work) so moving jobs won't improve pay and I haven't got the headspace for a promotion at the moment (plus there are no vacancies in the next level up).

I bring home £2600 a month. Having done a benefits calculator online I will receive £190 in child benefit, £424 UC and then, hopefully £638 in maintenance. But I'm guessing I shouldn't bank on that?

Stbex will have 50/50 custody. Is it reasonable to expect he pays half child care costs and half kids activities and needs? Or is that what maintenance is for?

We currently own and I should get around £100k equity once fees etc are taken out. The cheapest houses in my area are £300k for a 3 bed (kids are b&g, 10&8 and the houses are kitchen and living room, no extra reception room).

I could move to a cheaper area but then costs to get the children to school and my commuting costs go up significantly.

I need to buy a car as I need one for work and does DH, the current family car is his.

I'll need to buy furniture etc.

We have about £40k in savings, I'm guessing I'll get half? Even though it's all money DH got from redundancy and work shares?

Having looked at mortgages, my mortgage will be £1300 and my income will be £3214 plus maintenance.

Is £1914 enough to live off? Gas, electric, water, broadband, food, dog food & insurance, house maintenance, Christmas, kids birthdays, childcare (no non-paid support), kids clothes, uniform etc, kids hobbies? It doesn't seem like much but I'm guessing plenty of people manage?

I did look at reducing my hours, but it's half time or full time, no in-between and the income difference would be too big even accounting for reduced childcare costs.

AIBU to be worried about the finances?

It's normal to worry about this, I did and I have a very low paid job. When ex left, I upped my days from 4 to full time.

You will be fine and will adjust.

My exH made sure I had money every month for household costs etc. and had the kids a lot at his house. I never claimed UC, I didn't know I could.

It’s scary living on a single income, and feeling responsible for keeping everything covered. The good news is you have a very stable, if stressful job.

Your take home is quite low given your income, I’m assuming there’s a student loan in the mix. In terms of spending, if your income is what you’ve calculated you should be ok. Yes things will be tighter but if you start now budgeting you’ll have a good idea of what it will look like.

When I was on one income I used the You Need a Budget app (YNAB) which helped me figure out where my money was going, and to save for annual costs eg car insurance etc. It just helped me control things more easily.

UC will be affected by savings, it’s shit but you’d be better off without the savings in that sense… It’s unlikely you’ll get CM if it’s a 50:50 split for obvious reasons but the upside is you’ll only have to pay for their food 50% of the time. If he’s a decent dad as you say he will want to contribute towards clubs, uniform, school trips but most dads I hear of don’t- they think CM is adequate.

if you are 50/50 typically you don’t get maintenance but he should be paying 50/50 for childcare, all child related activities etc. if you are amicable you can come to whatever arrangement you like to a point so if he offers you x maintenance you need to decide if this is preferable to a pay 50% arrangement

Unfortunately none in our area, I did look!

I live on a similar amount it’s tight but doable. I am forensic about my finances eg use cashback cards and sites for insurance etc, move my small savings around for best interest, switched utilities, minimised subscriptions etc.
you do have too much in savings for UC but won’t once you buy a car and he takes 50%. You can get UC up to £50k if your dc are disabled. The calculators are fairly accurate
His higher income and mortgage capacity will be a factor and may mean a different split than 50:50. Check what mortgage capacity you have and he has on mortgage calculators. You could also look at extending the term.
If he earns much more then 60:40 split of assets may be achievable don’t assume it will be 50:50. If he is a good dad he should want you to be able to stay nearby so dc can easily go between houses and schools.

As a social worker I would consider setting up a business.

Care businesses (mostly franchises) required someone qualified in your field to operate them and can give an opportunity for you to increase your income significantly once you are up and running.

You need some advice.
50/50 is the starting point for you both to walk away and start afresh on the same footing without too much disparity in the standard of the kids living.
Stop thinking about you - it's about them. Stop thinking about his/mine - they are joint marital assests. Do factor in pensions.
Men don't like (generally) to share pensions ongoing. There's usually a tiny bit of motivation there to agree to shifts now.
What value house could you both look to walk away to? Based on max mortgage and max equity each? (which will prob not be equal). It's a bit of a fiddly sum. For my ex and I it was a £250k house each - him with £50k and a mortgage and me with no mortgage. That was a 75/25 split of our assets with him keeping his pension and his businesses.
Also bear in mind that fighting in court will cost about £20k each. It's much easier for negotiating.
Really you need a clean break. If it's truly 50/50 (incl holidays and life Admin) then no maintenance and split costs of uniform, school food etc down the middle.
You only have to say the kids live with you and noone else claims to get child benefit. Don't forget your council tax will go down and your food bill.
It's daunting but you can do this.

If you have savings over 16k you won’t get any UC, and maintenance is unlikely unless he agrees to it privately. The kids need to be registered at your address not his if you want UC and child benefit

The savings will pay stamp duty (£5000), a car (£5000), insurance and tax for the car (£600), house buying legal fees (£2000), survey (£600) and then urgent furniture/ household items e.g washing machine, hoover, bed etc depending on which of us gets what.

Sadly op the online calculator is wrong, it’s very commonly known, I don’t know why they don’t fix it, with 50 50 no maintenance is due, as you are responsible financially for 50 percent of the child costs.

he will be responsible for all costs on his time and you on yours. So I would try to ensure the 50 50 time is split in a way you have equal child care costs.

is he aware he doesn’t need to pay if it’s 50 50? If he doesn’t he will soon enough, I’m sorry,

Also is your UC including childcare costs? It seems on the high side with no rent

No. I did change career to a high paying one and hated it so went back to social work. My current job is really quite flexible and good for family life which I wouldn't want to upset plus retraining is something I couldn't currently afford for a third career.

Yes I’m not sure that number is right either,

op how did you work out the uc number?

No student loan but my tax code is a low personal allowance due to a previous fuck up (not on my part) so my is higher than you'd expect and I work for the NHS, so pension contributions are set at 9% I could remove myself from the pension scheme but I feel that's short sighted and I'd like to try and avoid that.

I used the entitled to website.

If you've been used to another high income coming into the household I think it will be really difficuly having to budget. Are you absolutely sure spliting up is the right thing.

What will DH have? Is it similar? I assume he’ll be able to get a bigger mortgage so if he’s sorted and willing to be flexible there may be a way to take more equity so you can be housed. Eg. Forgo any rights to his pension if it’s bigger?
When we split I took a lot more equity. Three young adults to continue housing in London. He wanted to move rurally and retire and understood they still needed housing even though the system treats them as adults.
Are you amicable?
Can he take the dog?!

Watching with interest, I didn't think you could get UC on that

I hadn't thought of that, it's very early days.

He won't have the dog, it's not his dog (agreed when we got it!). He's taking the 2 cats.

Reasonably amicable.

Its not very accurate its unlikely you will get the amount you think

Why would you get maintenance if 50/50

It’s as accurate as the information you put into it. It’s totally possible it’s right if OP had factored in her childcare costs and any savings etc. With savings or without childcare costs I’d assume she’s done it wrong

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

You will not have anything to pay through the Child Maintenance Service if you are:

• sharing care equally with the other parent

He doesn’t have to pay you anything, but would be responsible for childcare and everything else they need on his days. If you’re on good enough terms maybe he’ll assist you to defraud the system by claiming both live with you, so you can claim benefits for them both though. Otherwise, it’s standard to have one child registered at each address.

How amicable are you?

If you're going to be the only adult in the household you will be able to get 25% discount on your council tax.
If you're not on a water meter then have a look at getting one installed. Having one less people in the house will make a difference to your consumption. Then look at water saving devices and tariffs.
Do you get any staff perks? I have Vivup. I buy £200 tesco vouchers every week through them. It only costs me £192 to order them through Vivup. Then I pay for all my food shopping by e-voucher.