AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

[Therewegothen]

DH and I are in the very early stages of separating. We have 2 primary age kids.

I've absolutely no idea how I'm going live on a single income. Please can people give my head a wobble?

I work full time, earning £46000. I work in a regulated profession (Social Work) so moving jobs won't improve pay and I haven't got the headspace for a promotion at the moment (plus there are no vacancies in the next level up).

I bring home £2600 a month. Having done a benefits calculator online I will receive £190 in child benefit, £424 UC and then, hopefully £638 in maintenance. But I'm guessing I shouldn't bank on that?

Stbex will have 50/50 custody. Is it reasonable to expect he pays half child care costs and half kids activities and needs? Or is that what maintenance is for?

We currently own and I should get around £100k equity once fees etc are taken out. The cheapest houses in my area are £300k for a 3 bed (kids are b&g, 10&8 and the houses are kitchen and living room, no extra reception room).

I could move to a cheaper area but then costs to get the children to school and my commuting costs go up significantly.

I need to buy a car as I need one for work and does DH, the current family car is his.

I'll need to buy furniture etc.

We have about £40k in savings, I'm guessing I'll get half? Even though it's all money DH got from redundancy and work shares?

Having looked at mortgages, my mortgage will be £1300 and my income will be £3214 plus maintenance.

Is £1914 enough to live off? Gas, electric, water, broadband, food, dog food & insurance, house maintenance, Christmas, kids birthdays, childcare (no non-paid support), kids clothes, uniform etc, kids hobbies? It doesn't seem like much but I'm guessing plenty of people manage?

I did look at reducing my hours, but it's half time or full time, no in-between and the income difference would be too big even accounting for reduced childcare costs.

AIBU to be worried about the finances?

Breakdown:

Mortgage: £1300
Gas& electric £180
Childcare £300
Council tax £128
Car £250 (petrol, MOT and service, insurance)
Broadband £30
Water £45
Supermarket £300 (maybe less if kids aren't here all the time?)
House insurance £20

Total: £2553 which leaves me with £647 for kids activities, birthdays, Christmas, clothes, uniform etc. Unless I've left out anything big?

That should be ok shouldn't it.

If you could come to some kind of arrangement with your ex whereby you do 55/45 in your favour, it’d mean you can legitimately claim benefits and child maintenance for both of them… But from what you’ve said of your ex, I suspect he would be savvy enough to realise that wouldn’t be in his best interest.

My DP's rent is 50% of his income. My DB pays even more (more like 60%).
That is not unusual at all.

I don't think it wouldn't be his interest though. And he doesn't want to screw me over. I think he'd be ok with it.

That's a bit more comforting then.

Phone bill? That’s a very low food bill.

He doesn’t want to screw you over now, but he might if you’re awarded half his pensions…

Could you afford to live on no maintenance and the benefits for one child, not two?

It's half what we spend currently, and given it'll be half a household it sort of made sense to me!

But yes, phone. Admittedly only £11 a month but need to factor in I'll have to buy a new phone at some point.

I'd say that's about right, maybe a bit less for car and for gas and electric and food. We spend £350 per month for 3 of us and don't particulalry scrimp to get to that. Maybe add in your mobile deal? Mine is sim free so just £12 per month for unlimited everything. Over all it gives you a very decent amount every month really. I'd probably set a standing order for a certain amount to go into a savings account each month to build the buffer. Also, if one child is 10 already are you likely to be able to have less childcare in the not too distant future?

It'd cut my income by £300 so it would be extremely tight.

Yes, less childcare, but then my UC will go down by half.

Like others say it does seem a low take home for your wage but I’ve seen your other comments.
I earned about that when I split up from my ex but no entitlement to UC- not through savings just through the threshold which does change.
I assume you’ve claimed the CB as you are the lower earner but if your ex drops wages he could claim for 1 child and you for the other.
i would not rely on him having a high wage from a high earning role. That could disappear overnight so I’d budget as close as you can without it.

As a social worker, I don’t think you needed to mention that you’re a leftie. Are there any raving righties in social work? Do you have the compulsory nose ring too? Or maybe that’s only ITV dramas.

Out of genuine interest, because I’m always curious about the economics of raving lefties, who would you have pay for all these extra benefits you think people should have?

<misses point of thread entirely>

(maybe take in some ironing, OP)

Easy answer - higher taxes. Until now, as a household we've been net contributors. More than happy to pay more tax if we get something to show for it. Problem is, our public services are incredibly inefficient meaning our current taxes aren't utilised effectively. Cutting benefits and public services isn't the answer though.

And yes. A large number of right wing social workers.

My colleague does 50/50 no money changes hands and they go halves on everything for the kids
clothes, clubs, school trips etc

You'd like to pay more tax but at the same time you're going to claim UC. Ever so slightly contradictory!

Not contradictory at all.

I'd like higher earners (including myself) to pay higher taxes and get more subsidised childcare, a stronger, more connected and cheaper public transport system, a better and nationalised water service, free higher education, a more efficiently run and NHS, higher minimum wage and higher benefits for low income families and the disabled. If my childcare was cheaper, I wouldn't get as much UC!

Ignore the others who are having a go about UC. It will mainly be childcare support and why shouldn't you? It's not different to anyone claiming tax free childcare so people need to get off their high horses. Child maintenance isn't included in the calculations but any spousal maintenance is.
Your children will be entitled to free school meals when you claim UC.

Good luck OP

But what is the point of you paying more tax if you then want it back in subsidised childcare? There's no logic to that.

If he's a high earner I would assume his pension pot, that he wants to keep, is considerable.

Could you not agree not to go for your half of his pension in exchange for you keeping the house, so the kids have stability for school. It doesn't sound like he would have any problem getting a new family home, but you would.

This is the last I'm going to say I the subject because it's not the point of the thread but higher taxes paid for better public services benefit everyone at different points in their lives - I won't need subsidised childcare forever, at some point I'll need older adult care, a pension, healthcare. Very few people manage to get through life without the use of any public services. And public services need to be better at meeting those needs.

I couldn't keep the house - even if he paid half the mortgage. The council tax and utilities are far too high to manage alone. It's also an old Victorian property needing regular, significant maintenance. It's not a house I'd take on alone.

Your issue is the mortgage. Im guessing a £1,300 repayment is based on 200k or so borrowed for a 3 bed costing 300k?

I think its a bit of a stretch on your income.

I think better to either:

• negotiate a bit more of the equity from your DH. Eg agree you wont touch the pension but ask for £150k instead of 100k, as he can borrow far more.
• buy a two bed, give kids a bedroom each & have a sofa bed in lounge for you (lots of people do this, it can work really well with clever storage etc.

You do get maintenance 50:50 it’s based on his income and who gets the child benefit.

You need more of the savings and equity OP don’t settle for half. Are you sure 50:50 is best for the kids?