AIBU to worry about managing financially after separation with two children?

[Therewegothen]

DH and I are in the very early stages of separating. We have 2 primary age kids.

I've absolutely no idea how I'm going live on a single income. Please can people give my head a wobble?

I work full time, earning £46000. I work in a regulated profession (Social Work) so moving jobs won't improve pay and I haven't got the headspace for a promotion at the moment (plus there are no vacancies in the next level up).

I bring home £2600 a month. Having done a benefits calculator online I will receive £190 in child benefit, £424 UC and then, hopefully £638 in maintenance. But I'm guessing I shouldn't bank on that?

Stbex will have 50/50 custody. Is it reasonable to expect he pays half child care costs and half kids activities and needs? Or is that what maintenance is for?

We currently own and I should get around £100k equity once fees etc are taken out. The cheapest houses in my area are £300k for a 3 bed (kids are b&g, 10&8 and the houses are kitchen and living room, no extra reception room).

I could move to a cheaper area but then costs to get the children to school and my commuting costs go up significantly.

I need to buy a car as I need one for work and does DH, the current family car is his.

I'll need to buy furniture etc.

We have about £40k in savings, I'm guessing I'll get half? Even though it's all money DH got from redundancy and work shares?

Having looked at mortgages, my mortgage will be £1300 and my income will be £3214 plus maintenance.

Is £1914 enough to live off? Gas, electric, water, broadband, food, dog food & insurance, house maintenance, Christmas, kids birthdays, childcare (no non-paid support), kids clothes, uniform etc, kids hobbies? It doesn't seem like much but I'm guessing plenty of people manage?

I did look at reducing my hours, but it's half time or full time, no in-between and the income difference would be too big even accounting for reduced childcare costs.

AIBU to be worried about the finances?

It asked for childcare costs so I put in 50% of what we currently pay. Is that not right?

I put on £7k of savings as I think that's the max I'll have after buying a house and car.

Don’t do this, my water bill without a meter is significantly less than all friends and family who have one.

I am in a similar position to OP (separating, will have a mortgage, two kids) though will have majority care and even though I earn £52k, entitledto is saying I’ll be eligible for almost 1k in benefits?

That’s crazy. Guess I won’t need to go back to FT work after all!

Don't you have any savings @GooseyDuck ?

That sounds right, assuming ofsted registered childcare. Bear in mind any savings over 6k reduce UC, and if they decide you’ve deliberately spent lots of money to reduce savings they consider it deprivation of assets. I assume car and furniture are considered reasonable spending assuming you don’t get top of the range everything

I'll have about £20k in savings before buying anything and need to pay out stamp duty, legal fees, car will about £5k plus tax and insurance and then I'll need a few house bits like a bed for one of the kids and some kitchen appliances etc.

@Rumpledandcrumpled . It depends- if the Rateable Value (RV) is high then it may be worthwhile. The other factor is every households consumption is different.

Nope, they’ll all be wiped out in moving costs.

XH and I do 50/50 and he pays me no maintenance. So instead we split costs 50/50 too. Wrap around care, holidays clubs, sports clubs, school trips etc we just pay half each. Doesn’t matter whose time it falls on as we both chose to have a child together.

We each cover things like clothes, school uniform for our own homes as she needs an equal amount of each at each house. But if there was something large she needed (not just that we wanted to buy her but she actually needed) we would split the cost. For example we each paid half to get her passport renewed recently

If you split costs this way would that leave you worse or better off than if he paid you maintenance and you covered everything on your time?

Yeah to be fair I haven't factored in removals

Probably better off.

The car is a joint asset - everything is.
I think 50/50 means no maintenance, and agreeing childcare and activities between you.
he might also get half the child benefit if he decides to claim for it - one of the threads referred to by pp is that scenario and iirc went very badly for the mother angry that she wasn’t getting enough

Hi OP, sorry you are going through this. It is really scary.

As others have said CMS is not usually payable if 50/50. The website has brackets of up to 50/50 which is why it gives you a figure if you enter that in the box.

You don't need more custody to get child benefit if ex husband agrees for you to claim it. In theory in full 50/50 you should each hold one child in your name but most reasonable people who cant claim because they earn over the threshold allow the parent who CAN claim to do so.

Private maintenance agreements do exist though so if your ex is reasonable he may off to pay more of the children's expenses.

Re finances you are looking at a starting point of 50/50 but not necessarily and end point. Pensions count. You might be entitled to a greater equity share in exchange for not sharing pensions (assuming you have a pension).

What you need is a full picture of all assets including pension, savings, shares etc.

Remember nothing needs to happen immediately. You have time to make decisions. It will feel overwhelming but it will be ok.

Thanks for this post OP, I’d have assumed I wouldn’t be eligible for a thing!

Yeah, I kind of assumed because isn't entitled to child benefit or tax free child care that I could claim for both children but I'm quickly seeing that isn't right.

I'm actually wondering if it would be best for the children to live with him 95% of the time? Theys have more consistency and a better standard of living. I'd miss them like crazy though.

Entitled too isnt always 100 percent accurate so id double check the calculations before relying on them x

Where would give the most reliable results?

No, it wouldn’t be better for them to loose their mother (or father) for 95% of the time. Especially when all you need to do is budget more

You won't get any maintenance if it's 50/50. The calculator isn't accurate. There's been several threads where this has been proven. You can ask him to pay half of activities, but he could say no if he's an arse, in which case, you might have to cut down their activities.

I'm surprised you can get UC on £46k but I'm sure you've done your research on that.

It sounds like it will be tight but people manage on less.

The chances are he will let you claim that as he won't be able to get it anyway.

The cases where this has gone wrong have been where one parent has used the fact they are in receipt of the CB to try to claim maintenance despite a 50/50 arrangement.

I also work in the social care field and support families on significantly much lower incomes than this. You may need to adjust your lifestyle and completely re-look at your outgoings

Ha I’m a single parent and on £17,000 and get about £600 uc and no maintenance.. you are taking the piss

@Therewegothen the reason a lot of men ask for 50/50 is because that avoids them paying maintenance, so not sure why you will be any different. And I very much doubt someone on £46k a year will qualify for UC, so I think you need to do your calculations again.

I’m in a similar boat and CMS also said I was entitled to maintenance despite 50/50? Is that wrong then? I assumed it was based on salary! DH earns about 6x what I do, and we’re not married so I’m screwed

Sorry, what do you mean budget more? I've worked out a budget based on the figures I've worked out online and it's tight but doable. But if those figures are wrong and I need to take £600 off those figures it means moving out of area in order to make the numbers work.

I don't see how cutting out all their activities just so I get 50/50 time with them is of benefit to them?