AIBU to think we've done nothing wrong helping our son get his first full time job in London?

[OneMerryFinch]

Our eldest graduated last year with a First in Economics and Maths from Durham. We were incredibly proud of him because he worked very hard. Worked very hard through school, did lots of work experiences, debating abroad, rowing, essentially seized every opportunity he’s not lazy at all.

While at university he found all of his internships himself and also secured a year-long placement. They offered him a graduate role afterwards on £35k in London, but he didn't want to go back to the place. They gave him a wonderful reference despite out son being very honest saying that the pay was not great and that’s the reason. DH also thought that salary was poor for London given the cost of living.

After graduating he did another summer internship, then went travelling. When he came back in December he was living at home and working in a local farm shop. I arranged that job because I've known the owners all my life (I actually worked there myself as a teenager).

He was applying for graduate jobs but wanted to move to London without being completely skint. His girlfriend already lives there. She earns around £30k in publishing but her parents pay her rent, so she's able to save and enjoy herself.

DH asked around among people he knows. His own company couldn't take him because they prefer graduates with some experience, but one of DH's friends said they had a suitable role and encouraged him to apply. He was offered the job on £40k. We've also offered to help him with his rent while he's getting established.

My friend’s son is a similar age and has been struggling to find graduate work. She asked how our son got his job and what the salary was. I answered honestly.

Now she's saying we've raised him to be spoiled, that it's unfair he got a job through connections, and that other young people don't have those opportunities.

My view is that he earned his degree himself, found all of his internships and placement himself, got excellent references, and had already proved he could do the work. Yes, DH's friend opened a door, but surely that's what networking is? Plenty of jobs are filled through recommendations, especially when someone is trusted.

Why can’t we just help our own son. It’s not as though he took the job from someone else, the job didn’t even exist on adverts. It’s how people get jobs, my first job after graduating my dad got me the job in London in the 90s and then I worked my way. It’s not as though he got me every single job.

The world just isn’t fair, why should our son have to suffer just because the world isn’t fair. We are aware the world isn’t fair that’s why we are using our connections. Everyone just wants the best for their kids it’s not done maliciously.

AIBU to think we've done nothing wrong?

Maybe they would have advertised the job if they hadn't given it to him first?

Read the OP. He was told to apply and he got the job which wasn't advertised to open competition.

Of course it does. It means there was no competition or market testing. The employer can have no confidence that the appointment was the best fit available.

But where does it say that the job was not being advertised? There was a job vacant at the firm and in a conversation with the dad and his mate the mate said theres actually a job vacant at my firm that your son might be a fit for, get him to apply’ . Where does it say anywhere that the mate just made up a job for the OP’s son?

Even so it's what the company chose to do? If it doesn't work out the company have themselves to blame. If it works out the son has a good job and the company have a good employee. He met all their technical requirements in the interview, so that's that.

She does say "the job didn’t even exist on adverts."
But then I think how did the company expect to get someone?

It doesn't specifically say that per se, but i guess it's implied from the fact that the dad asked his friend who said he knew of a vacancy. Nobody knows for sure from the OP post that the job was specifically for the OP's DS.

You don’t know that - the OP doesn’t say that. You and many others here have jumped to that assumption. All we know is that ‘the friend said there was a job and he encouraged him to apply’.

You can’t apply for a job for which HR are not actively recruiting, FFS. How would you frame that? Applicant: ‘I am writing to apply for the job in x department’; to which HR say: ‘Er, what job?’

It’s ALWAYS about who you know so no, you didn’t do anything wrong. Your friend is jealous

People are so blinded by their bigotry and outrage at imagined injustices metered out by the oppressive and unworthy middle classes, they make this shut up.

It’s been inferred, not implied. Incorrectly, given the legal quagmire any HR department would find themselves in if they created a job for the son of a friend of someone who happened to work there just because they asked.

I was able to secure entry levels jobs for my daughter using my own connections. In themselves they were shit jobs but they added to her CV and enabled her to now get the job she wanted.
Life is tough and yes- I'm glad I was able to help and I'm sure anyone else would if they were able.
Although... having opened the door for her- it was her that turned up every day, did a good job and got good references. She just built on that.

I think OP has admitted the job wasn’t advertised. If I’m mistaken I apologise!

So what does it mean then when OP said the job wasn't advertised, the firms were looking and trying to get via people's networks?

She says

He had an initial talk and was referred lots of jobs have referral schemes. Not all companies advertise their roles, sometimes people are even head hunted

That strongly implies the job wasn’t advertised or made available to open competition.

And ‘jealous’ ( 🙄 ) with very good read.

Jealous…

Employers put jobs on recruitment system with the proviso that they will be removed once the preferred applicant a certain number of applications have applied. The JD and PS is tailored for that applicant in the hope that they are the only applicant.

The OP said that as part of her justification that it wasn't being "taken away" from anyone else. Of course she may be wrong!

Again anyone getting a job means someone else doesn't get it.....

Did she? Blimey, then I stand corrected. I either missed that post or simply misread - but even if you recruit via networks [which is what recruitment agencies and headhunters are], it doesn’t mean OP’s son was the ONLY candidate or that the DH’s friend put a word in for him - all it means is that they are using ‘word of mouth’ to advertise a role? Pretty much how most pub and restaurant jobs are promoted where I live - a uni town where the students pass on job vacancies the same way.

Oh, but silly me, they’re uni students. Still part of the middle class elite, right?

@OneMerryFinch he does sound spoiled, everything you have said defending why you are supporting him is want want want want. He wanted to be near new graduates, he didn't want to earn less, he wanted to have a shorter commute.

You are encouraging him to never learn to compromise and it isn't good parenting.

I graduated in a shitty post 2008 jobs market. Want was not an option.

I don't blame you for exploiting your network and I am sure your son has worked very hard but so has the person who doesn't have the same background (probably a lot harder to be honest) and you suggesting that it is mainly your sons "hard work" that has enabled him to secure his new job and London lifestyle is frankly blind.

I’m middle class. I think you’ll find some people just have morals and value fairness.

No bigotry involved.

But I am shocked at the number of pps who see nothing wrong with the way this young man (who may well be a great employee, not questioning that) got his job.

A city job isn’t comparable to a pub job. Of course local and small businesses will recruit through contacts or word of mouth.

And headhunters will be targeting people who’ve established themselves in their profession through merit. This young man is a new grad who was recruited via parental connections.

Yep! My Grandad was a joiner at a shipyard. He joined the Freemasons when he was young as that was a way of getting jobs.

I don’t think it’s unusual for a highly academic student at a top uni to think I can do better when he had an offer after his placement end yr3. He still had another year of uni and presumably thought he was in with a good shot of the top finance graduate schemes.

Many years ago my husband was offered a law training contract end of yr2 after a vacation scheme. It was a small regional firm and paid law society minimum which wasn’t really enough to live on. It wasn’t the area of law he was interested in longterm. But he was from a council estate single mum background and took the job. He was a really strong candidate all A student and probably would have secured a better training contract if he had continued to apply yr3 and his postgraduate year. If he had been middle class or with a dad in profession/connections I suspect they would have encouraged him to bet on himself in knowledge they would support him financially while he got launched.
His earning trajectory would have been completely different if he had secured a top job. My understanding is finance is similar - if you secure the top graduate roles the career trajectory and potential earnings are in a different league.