AIBU to resent DH's new job and how he's changed?

[newlifeoldme]

DH and I have been married for 4 years, no kids, no plans there. We're homebodies. We were both always WFH and our social lives revolves around his parents, my parents, his cousins. It's not a lot but it was perfect for us and we could not be happier.

At the end of last year DH got a new hybrid role with a 30% pay raise that's 4 days at the office, 1 day WFH. Now I don't recognise him anymore. I don't like crowds. On multiple weekends he's been asking if we want to take a day trip down to go explore and cafe hop all over London. Sometimes he wants to go out with his new found friends. He's asked me along but I really don't want to go to restaurants or events with his friends.

Told him he's changed but he says that I should 'broaden my horizons too as the world is bigger than our house and family'. We were happy!!

Was at his parent's place alone last week because some of his friends found a new Korean BBQ spot they want to go to (he asked me to join but it's not my scene) and his mum also feels like he's distant now too. We used to visit his parents at least once or twice a week for tea. He's barely been here once in two months!!

AIBU to resent DH's new job? Don't even seem to recognise him now.

You say it was enough and you were both happy. Well it sounds more like you were happy and he wasn’t complaining. He wants to explore and live a normal life.

Im afraid you’re the unusual one here. Considering you won’t even go out for dinner or to a few cafes or meet any of his friends.

He is as happy, you are just brining your own bias into it. But as he is as happy now doing all this, removing what he is as happy with is clearly then going to be worse.

But he isn't "happier", just because you can't comprehend people could be as happy as you or those who do more whole living their own lives their own way.

I know everyone is different but it sounds like it was quite a boring life for him at his age.

Your life is very small and monotonous @newlifeoldme

But if he isn't happier, why is he so actively pursuing a different kind of life? Why is he booked up until September?

This doesn't mean OP's husband was UNhappy before. It doesn't mean that, because he's found a better mix for him, that what came before was bad. But it's disingenuous to pretend he doesn't see these changes as an improvement.

It sounds so harsh as you sound like such a sweetheart but a grown man who only socialising is with his mother is a bit sad. I think it’s brilliant he’s found a group of people he enjoys spending time with and doing new things. Is there a couple in the group you could double date with so it’s a bit less intense? Or could he pick 2 people he is closest with to do something with you so you can be involved and it not be a larger crowd?

I understand introversion. I'm not exactly a social butterfly. But in my mid 40s, I'm now pushing myself out of my comfort zone more because life is for living. My kids are growing up, I want to experience more of the world before it's too late. I refuse to become an empty nester with no interests outside of family.

Op, i think your dh's horizons have expanded and I can't say I blame him. Your existence has been very insular, and suffocatingly parochial. That cannot last forever. The way I see it you're growing apart, and it's nobody's fault really. He's had a taste of broader life experiences and is extremely unlikely to be content or satisfied with your previous existence. You either need to begin pushing yourself outside of your own comfort zone, or accept that you want different things from life. Sorry.