AIBU to end things after unannounced visits and other red flags?

[ThatPeachFawn]

I’ve been dating a man for around six weeks. For info he is 62 and I’m 42. it’s been nice but there’s a couple of red flags now. Twice now he has showed up to my house unannounced. Both times I’ve been relaxing in my garden so he’s let himself in the garden gate , walked up to the back of the garden to the seating area and surprised me! The first time I was polite and offered him a cup of tea but the second time I was sitting in the sun reading my book and he just appeared then proceeded to sit down!! I actually felt quite annoyed. Does anyone else think this is a bit of a red flag? The other red flag I have is that he has as he calls it ‘a toxic ex wife’ and an adult daughter who doesn’t speak to him. AIBU to break it off?

The ex wifes are always toxic when they can no longer control them...

Oh my god a grown man that was a stranger a month ago letting himself into my garden would not get a polite cup of tea i would react so shocked and uncomfortable he would leave and if he didn't leave id ask him what he was thinking ?

dump and get a better security NO- ONE should be able to walk into your home like that

Get rid

What a wanker. Bye bye bye.

Absolutely not, get rid of him as fast as you can.

Why does he know where you live after only 6 weeks?

Let’s be frank, he’s way too old for you, has no boundaries and is trying to get his feet under the table after 6 weeks 🚩🚩

I think you can do much better than a much older man - 20 years, ffs! - figuratively and literally overstepping your boundaries. Throw in the inevitable toxic ex and the less inevitable but worrying no-contact daughter, and you have yourself a whole parade of red flags. Get rid, sharpish.

Definitely - he's too old for you anyway.

Get a lock on your garden gate, and bolt on the top and bottom, with padlocks. Probably £25 all in at Toolstation. This should be standard fit for anyone but especially for a woman living by herself.

What did you say to him when you felt quite annoyed?

Jesus I’m five years older than you and it wouldn’t ever ever occur to me to date someone in their 60s.

Teenagers often think it's rude to turn up and knock at a door. For people his age, that is not abnormal (not being ageist, and I'm not saying everyone in those age groups does that, but it is true to say it's typical).
So I think you should have told him the first time you would appreciate a text, and please never just walk in. Only red flag if he repeats after you are clear.
His ex might be toxic and have poisoned their daughter. It happens. Or he might have abandoned them both and they are understandably upset-that happens too.
So give him a chance, but keep your eyes open and be clear on your rules-and watch whether he respects them.

Not sure how it's a red flag to call round and see you?
I mean there isnt a door knocker on a garden do if ypu arebout there im not sure what he can do except let himself in

Without notice, without an invitation, you’d walk into someone else’s garden?

Ah, you edited. Knock on the door- either one. Call out. Use a phone. Like a normal person rather than a pushy prick.

More red flags than a communist parade, and he is way too old for you. He is looking for a maid and a carer @ThatPeachFawn

Get rid.

I wouldn't like him calling round unannounced but the adult daughter no contact would be the bigger red flag for me.

Thanks everyone. Yes the age gap is also a concern. We met in a dog walk and at the time I had no idea of his age - we’ve been on a few dates since and I’ve just been letting things play out (but the age gap has always been at the back of my mind). What’s annoyed me most is that my garden is my sanctuary and it felt like a huge invasion of my privacy. I’m normally quite strong so have no idea why I never said anything - I think I was so taken aback by him just swanning through the garden and sitting himself down next to me!! I made up a story that my friend was coming over just to get rid of him - pathetic I know! He’s been to mine for dinner which is why he knows where I live.

He shouldn't even know where you live at this stage! And being in your 40s and dating someone old enough to be your dad is grim.

To be honest, I don't think knowing where someone lives after 6 weeks together is that odd. But yeah, is is far too old for her.

Six weeks seems absolutely fine for having a man you’re seeing to your house.

Can you get a lock for your gate OP?

Really? You're the second person to say this. Is it that weird for someone to know where their partner of 6 weeks lives? My DH knew where I lived after our 3rd date (a week after meeting!)

Trust your gut. Definitely dump him by text and get a lock for the side gate.

Ditch
Disrespectful...then they start to tell you how wrong you live your life 60+ men.
Dont run..bolt!
Ask him why he showed up or never Asked!
Red flags waving here.
Remember he sees you as a ego boost

Run for the hills. I ended it with someone a few months ago for the same reason. Turned up unannounced (although I had already said I was busy) and had no boundaries or understanding about personal space. Thought he would just see me because he wanted to, regardless of what I wanted.
Agree he’s far too old as well, you can do better. If you don’t leave him this will keep happening.

You go away, message them, and ask if they’d like to meet with you today LIKE A NORMAL PERSON! You don’t just go and sit in friends or relatives’ gardens without getting implicit or explicit agreement first, especially if they’re not even at home.

No, OP, get rid fast before he gets his feet under the table. I’d even go so far as to suggest you tell him you’re going back to an ex boyfriend to make sure he clears off. Types like that tend to be quite persistent and don’t like taking no for an answer.