AIBU to end things after unannounced visits and other red flags?

[ThatPeachFawn]

I’ve been dating a man for around six weeks. For info he is 62 and I’m 42. it’s been nice but there’s a couple of red flags now. Twice now he has showed up to my house unannounced. Both times I’ve been relaxing in my garden so he’s let himself in the garden gate , walked up to the back of the garden to the seating area and surprised me! The first time I was polite and offered him a cup of tea but the second time I was sitting in the sun reading my book and he just appeared then proceeded to sit down!! I actually felt quite annoyed. Does anyone else think this is a bit of a red flag? The other red flag I have is that he has as he calls it ‘a toxic ex wife’ and an adult daughter who doesn’t speak to him. AIBU to break it off?

Lol the age gap police again. It's nothing to do with his age. A man of any age could do that and worse.
Get a grip.

If you are reluctant to lock the back gate - you can get alarm sensors that send an alert to your mobile phone if the door/gate is opened.

You can end a relationship for any reason you like. If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it, and it’s kinder to both of you to end it sooner rather than later.

And really, you’re talking about a man who wants to choose your food for you as if you’re a toddler. Gross. Tell him to sod off with his paternalistic bullshit.

This isn't an age thing.

I'm 50. My partner's 58. My sister's 60 and I know plenty of people in their 60s. Literally none of them would think it was OK to turn up uninvited to the home of someone they've only known for six weeks and let themselves in.

They've only been on a few dates, FFS. He's not even her boyfriend.

Ditch him and block him get locks for the gate and a new dog walking route.

That's very odd behaviour with the food. I'm his age and when I was young many many years ago the "rule" was that the man would order the food but even in those days he would order what she asked for. I don't know anybody who would still do this today.

That's unfortunate for them.

I don't feel obliged to answer much less invite in & entertain if I did!

Exactly!

Speak for yourself. I’ll be 60 next year and I don’t think this is OK.

I guess it depends on what sort of neighbourhood they lived in. Ours was the type where back doors were always open and people just shouted only me and strolled in. I've been in my house in a very middle class area due south and never set foot in my neighbour's house to the left of me and dropped in once at the house to the right of me with flowers and a condolence card when someone died. All very different to my childhood home and how my parents and their contemporaries carried on

all of this except the new beau...oh and I am older

Well yes, mine ring the front doorbell too, but to get to the door they have to enter the garden via an unlocked gate, plus I do leave the house now and then😀. The back garden has a separate gate, which is also unlocked, to allow access to delivery people etc when I am out. The alternative is not getting windows cleaned and parcels left on the doorstep or taken to neighbours.

I'm older than you (not that it matters) and I don't randomly turn up either, but nor do I treat the house like Alcatraz. The house is locked but the garden gates are on latches.

age matters if OP is looking for a life partner, but not if she is looking for a dating partner
You dont get to decide if age matters or not to other people. Most people dont want to be with someone that much older. OP is uncomfortable with the age gap, and that perfectly reasonable.

Eeeeeewwww. Just ewwww.

The unannounced vists wouldn’t bother me. The “toxic ex wife” and the child he doesn’t see is dump material.

Is this a wind-up? And 20 years difference. How does the future look? I suspect you know the answer to your question.

No. I've met a couple of his exes and he genuinely has no problem with me talking to or spending time with any of them.

I couldn't bear someone else to choose my food in a restaurant - choosing is part of the pleasure. And I don't want to share my main course. If I'm feeling especially generous, I might give away a couple of chips but that's all.