Inheritance and DH

[iht]

I’m about to inherit about £62k from my Aunt. My plan was to pay off the mortgage of £22k and invest the rest. My DH has made a few jokes about how I could give him some. We do have separate finances because we met later in life, and I had a house and he didn’t.

I had an inheritance a few years ago and paid off his car loan and also paid off our wedding debt of £10k. I also had paid for our honeymoon.

The thing is, he’s one of life’s spenders whereas I’m a saver. It means he rarely has savings, but I do. He has 3 cars worth about £35k total.

When we met he had about £18k on credit cards that he was defaulting on, and I helped him to get an IVA to get out of the mess he was in.

He now has about £4K on a loan and £4K on his credit card. So basically £8k in debt and I’m going to have £80k in savings after I pay off the mortgage. I feel if I gave him money he would just spend it on rubbish.

He will be getting circa £65k lump sum next year from his Pension and when his mom passes he will get around £800k, albeit that could be 20 years from now.

WWYD. I feel bad having £80k savings when he has £8k debt. But similarly I don’t want to be giving chunks of money away. This inheritance will be my last btw.

In future, don’t tell him about any money coming to you, or reduce the figure and tell him you have £60k less because of unexpected charges on the estate.

I’d remind him of all of the above!

I agree 100%.

Youll have the “You’re married, your money is his and his money is yours” brigade along soon, ignore them as most will ignore the separate finances part of your post.

No don’t give him any money, I assume as you don’t have a mortgage, he doesn’t give you much for bills, so surely he can pay it all off himself? And if he didn’t pay debt, he would buy meaning less stuff and not have anything to show for it.
what does he need three cars for?

Id be very careful about being stubborn over it as when he inherits £800k he will remember

You are giving him a share, his part of the mortgage that is paid off.

Could you trust him if you put £20k into a joint savings account?

None of us know what the future holds nor what funds we might need in future.

Depressingly, Care Home fees, a funeral plan, ability to pay for joint replacements or private treatment?

If you ever split up, he’ll get half the house anyway so that’s his share spoken for already.

You don’t say how old you are but the years fly by. He’s a bad money manager and a spendthrift. Keep your money. It’s not up for discussion. You’ve baled him out enough.

This seems unhealthy in a marriage.

Id tell him I was investing it for the future - and expect that to be the end of any requests!

His money problems would give me the ick.
No don't give him any - invest it.

My DH is a spender, when I can afford to be I'm a saver (really difficult as a SAHM). We've always kept finances separate! Don't give him money!

I would pay off the credit cards on the understanding he cuts them up. But nothing more

tell him what you have done so far whilst all he has accumulated is debt

Not sure about this- I think mostly when people say they think joint finances are the way forward they're talking about young couples with children, where you're already committing to be a family unit. The case for joint finances for an older couple with no children is much weaker.

OP, stick to your guns. He'll have the money to pay it off himself in a year.

When we met I had a house and he didn’t. I’d been stung by a previous divorce and there was no way I was up for merging finances again.

It was impossible to hide this inheritance from him.

He has 3 cars as cars are his “thing”. I think it’s stupid! Especially when he has debt. I’ve told him this but it falls on deaf ears.

He spends a lot on rubbish. He probably gets 4 packages a week.

When he does inherit I know he will be generous and treat me to stuff, but there’s no way he will send me money (nor would I expect him to).

Because I have more money than him, I do pay for all meals out and take aways. I also pay for anything for the house, like needed upgrades.

I’m one of the shared finances brigade but that’s based on both parties contributing fairly, even if not equally. He doesn’t contribute fairly, so he’s not in a position to treat your money as his.

You got what you married!

His attitude toward money came all warning signs - £18k in credit card debt is insanity jo matter what salary you are on!

He expects you to be his ATM because you have been from the start.

His living accomodattion has been subsized, his car loan paid for him, you paid for wedding amd honeymoon.

He'll never change and even if cutting up his credit card is a condition of you paid it, he'll get another one and run it up too.

Should have said also, the house is mine. If we split up it would stay mine due to the law where we are (not England).

My first husband and I got together young and had shared finances throughout our 20 year relationship. We both started with nothing. But when I met DH I was late 30’s with 2 children and a house, and there was no way I was going to risk losing our home by putting a new man on the deeds! He did live rent free with us for the first 3 years - did pay half of the other bills though - then for the last 15 years he has paid half of all the bills, mortgage included.

It's nothing to do with him. It's your money, OP, so put it in an account in your name only, and just shut down any future discussion.

He is getting some as surely he don’t need to pay his half of the mortgage?

Yeah main reason I divorced my ex husband

What a prince you've married. Financially iliterate and has no shame...

Well to a certain extent you did merge your finances because you married him. Have you made a will OP? What about your children? If it were me I would regard it as everything I give to him is something taken from my children.

I might consider paying off the credit card provided he cut it up and didn't get another - but then you'd have to police that.

You already support him way beyond what he should expect.

And OP has 2 children who she has responsibility for also.
Tell him to do one. He’s had enough from you already.

Yes and he can clear his debts more quickly because the mortgage payments can be put towards them instead.

I guarantee he won't though.