Inheritance and DH

[iht]

I’m about to inherit about £62k from my Aunt. My plan was to pay off the mortgage of £22k and invest the rest. My DH has made a few jokes about how I could give him some. We do have separate finances because we met later in life, and I had a house and he didn’t.

I had an inheritance a few years ago and paid off his car loan and also paid off our wedding debt of £10k. I also had paid for our honeymoon.

The thing is, he’s one of life’s spenders whereas I’m a saver. It means he rarely has savings, but I do. He has 3 cars worth about £35k total.

When we met he had about £18k on credit cards that he was defaulting on, and I helped him to get an IVA to get out of the mess he was in.

He now has about £4K on a loan and £4K on his credit card. So basically £8k in debt and I’m going to have £80k in savings after I pay off the mortgage. I feel if I gave him money he would just spend it on rubbish.

He will be getting circa £65k lump sum next year from his Pension and when his mom passes he will get around £800k, albeit that could be 20 years from now.

WWYD. I feel bad having £80k savings when he has £8k debt. But similarly I don’t want to be giving chunks of money away. This inheritance will be my last btw.

Nope, don’t give him anymore money. Pay the holiday if you wish, but he’s always going to be a spender.

Don’t give him a penny!

He’s clearly incredibly irresponsible with money and will continue to be so all the more so if you keep bailing him out of debt.

“I’m just struggling with having such savings when he has £8k debt”- this would be understandable IF he spent his money carefully and never treated himself to anything. But the way he behaves means you shouldn’t be struggling at all and should be guilt-free about keeping it for yourself and your children.

Stop sponsoring this useless man. He is retirement age and still hasn’t learnt, he will never learn. If he wanted to be debt free he would be, he has assets to sell. He is choosing not to because you are paying for everything from holidays and dinners out. He doesn’t feel the need to treat you to anything in return. His concern is him and only him.

Focus on yourself and your children. Every pond you spend on this man is a pound that could have gone towards something nice for you or your children.

My exh was a fucking financial disaster.. found out he had taken a catalogue out in his dbs name and blew thousands..
Lived rent free with me when I worked. Helped me spend 10k inheritance.
I paid for the wedding.

I went self employed to help us get in a better place whilst juggling dc...
He got a job but apparently that was his to spend on.himself. ..threw him out and life was immediately better.

Tell him it's a loan and put it in writing. Explain you have shared a lot of money and you want it back now from his 800k inheritance so that you can pass on money to your family in your will.

Why are so many women with men who are happy to take the piss out of them? And then to marry him, I am struggling to understand what possible reason you would have to do so, it's a financial contract you've made with someone who can't support themselves.

You chose to marry him, you had your reasons.

If you decided that you are a couple, in your shoes I would treat the 2 of us to a holiday. I can't imagine just sitting on £62k and not doing anything at all a bit fun with it, and if I am married, surely I would want to be with my husband?

Otherwise it's a bit miserable.

That said, as he's completely useless with money, I wouldn't give him a cash amount either.

Also, the 800k may never materialise and he may well decide that he can trade in for a younger model if he's flush with cash. He may feel he doesn't need you anymore...

I hate people who makes jokes when really they are saying they want something and think they have a right to it.

I wouldn't be concerned with the prospect of him receiving 800K - you may not even be together.

Stop being his benefactor. He's a man.

Speaking from personal experience. I would and I did. After I did, he did not do anything of the sort again. So, we shall see if I would, again.

Blimey! is there anything left for him to pay for?

It’s him that’s miserable. He’s not treated OP to anything. She paid for their wedding, their holidays, dinner, paid off his debt etc. He only spends money on himself. It’s a bit unfair to call OP miserable when she is hesitant to throw yet more money at him.

I do think if the house is yours and he has no beneficial interest in it ( I presume you are leaving it to your children?), it’s reasonable you pay for the upkeep. His contribution to the mortgage is ‘rent’ isn’t it?

You seem to be suggesting he is retiring soon - what would be the situation if you pre deceased him?

Time for an overhaul of the finances I think. What are your longer term plans? Do you still want him to pay ‘rent’ if you pay off your mortgage?

I would certainly invest your inheritance. You say there will be no more to come and you need to future proof yourself and your children. Don’t be spending it on his debt, his holidays - it is no great sum but if it gets you mortgage free and with money in the bank, it could make things easier in the future.

You are a cash cow. I was one as well. Now divorced !

you bailed him out and yet again he’s run up debt

if he paid towards mortgages for 15yrs he may have a claim to it

I would feel awfully ashamed of myself if my husband were like this.

Paying for your own honeymoon ...

My goodness.

@iht He most definitely will have a claim to your house if he can prove he paid the mortgage.

I hope your marriage survives for your sake, as you are putting your own financial security on the line here.

You have already been very (overly) generous to him in the past….

Tell him it has been auto invested in your SIPP pension - “as a condition/clause of the inheritance.
or please hide it in Premium Bonds or similar.

He owes you at least £13,400 for that list (minus 50th gift and house things).

£3.6k for 3 years of half of the bills + rent - let's say £100 a month, 1200/year.
£3k car loan 1
£5k half of wedding
£1.8k car loan 2

Plus interest % for up to 15 years...

To be honest, the only question is, why are you questioning yourself?? (and I say this hypocritically, as I suspect I might be similar). but really, objectively, you have been more than generous, he has benefitted from your financial savvy (living rent/mortgage free for 3 years, etc etc, he pays nothing into upgrades to house and you arrange for all these to be done).

You do not owe him anything. Furthermore, you know the more you give him the more he will spend.

I would go so far as to say that you having savings benefits him, as if he was a in a proper financial pickle, you would be able to help him out. You know he will never be in a position to help you out!!!

He isn't being financially thoughtful to you OP...letting you pay because he wastes money. I'd say you've already given him tons of financial support and this money is your Porsche

Unless she had him when she was 12, he’s retiring early.
Why?
Is the £65k his 25% tax free allowance? If so his pension isn’t going to take you very far.

A kept man is a luxury. I hope he is worth it.

I echo your thoughts.

Perhaps he's blisteringly handsome?

My husband has reason to expect large future windfalls. Although we have generally merged finances and he considers his income to belong to the family he raised before we married that he was awkward about these potentially much larger amounts being equally shared. We’ve informally agreed to equally split up to a certain threshold then he keeps the rest (so far he’s not been bothered about making that a legal arrangement, which I find odd but never mind). I don’t think you have a moral obligation to share this money with him and your reasons for not wanting to do so are totally valid. Point out the benefit he gets from the mortgage being paid off, that’s effectively a gift to him in that he can now save more each month. Perhaps offer to buy him something or pay for a family trip rather than gift him money.