Inheritance and DH

[iht]

I’m about to inherit about £62k from my Aunt. My plan was to pay off the mortgage of £22k and invest the rest. My DH has made a few jokes about how I could give him some. We do have separate finances because we met later in life, and I had a house and he didn’t.

I had an inheritance a few years ago and paid off his car loan and also paid off our wedding debt of £10k. I also had paid for our honeymoon.

The thing is, he’s one of life’s spenders whereas I’m a saver. It means he rarely has savings, but I do. He has 3 cars worth about £35k total.

When we met he had about £18k on credit cards that he was defaulting on, and I helped him to get an IVA to get out of the mess he was in.

He now has about £4K on a loan and £4K on his credit card. So basically £8k in debt and I’m going to have £80k in savings after I pay off the mortgage. I feel if I gave him money he would just spend it on rubbish.

He will be getting circa £65k lump sum next year from his Pension and when his mom passes he will get around £800k, albeit that could be 20 years from now.

WWYD. I feel bad having £80k savings when he has £8k debt. But similarly I don’t want to be giving chunks of money away. This inheritance will be my last btw.

I think if it comes up I’m just going to say that I’m paying off the mortgage and saving the rest, so that when he gets his £65k next year we will both have money behind us/be equal. This kind of glosses over the fact that I have a lump sum to come from my pension, but that’s a long way off for me, as I plan to work until I’m about 65. I’m self employed and the work is easy.

This. It is entirely his choice to keep racking up debt after debt. Is he doing this on the assumption you will come to his rescue again.

I'm afraid your DH is financially incompetent but he is also quite selfish. It's his choice to have three cars he can't afford, they are of no value to you. I would not be paying off his debt as it seems he can't live without one and would spend more and simply run up another. One thing to bear in mind while you are subsidising his life, is that when he inherits his mother's estate, you will not. That will be his money.

He’s not tight with money, if he has any spare cash he buys me gifts.

Yes, he's a spendthrift @iht , albeit one with his heart in the right place!

I think your plan is a wise move. Giving money to spendthrift who has no control is no different than burning money in a fire pit.
Paying off the mortgage helps him too and he should use the amount he was paying every month for that towards his debt.

I wouldn’t have married him. I couldn’t be married to someone who viewed financial matters differently. A few sessions with a couples counsellor may help or it could just ruin what care you have for him. I’d be resentful if I paid the mortgage while he gets into debt and owning and running three cars is very expensive. What if you started to do the same thing. You’re holding the financial responsibility for both of you. I’d be depressed. Equality is so important.

It's irrelevant if they have separate finances.

Def remind him of what's coming his way. Offer to loan him the money as long as he pays it back into a savings pot. Make it affordable and contingent on not getting into more debt.

Hopefully, it'll get him into a savings habit.

Good luck when the company nversation turns to his inheritance in the future...

He would only spend the money on more stupid packages from Amazon for his three cars and not pay off his massive credit card debt.

This sounds so hard op.
What if he gets into more debt and you have to bail him out ?
Can you help him sort his spending somehow ?
Go back to basics like cash envelop and stuff ?
Monzo with pots ?

Id offer him a few grand 2 or 3 but stress no more becusee of his spending hanitsmn

Well if you're intending to pay off the mortgage with some of your inheritance, you will be giving him something as he'll no longer have to pay anything towards the mortgage. I think you're plan is eminently sensible.

I suspect he won’t share in any case. Takers are always takers. They don’t suddenly become givers

That would be If not when. No guarantee he will see that 800k.

If OP pays the mortgage he will have spare money. 3 x cars take a chunk of money in upkeep.

He is a user and a taker and on a really good number with you and he knows it.

Don't give him a penny or trust him with money matters in the future. Please don't ene up being a soft touch

Not being good with money. Is a male excuse as old as the ills.For spending what they want and being irresponsible while somebody else shoulders the worry

Get him to sell off a couple of those cars he has. If he wants more money.

I’d be laughing saying you had your fill last time. This one’s for me

I'm a man (and sorry) but the red flags are ridiculous.
Regardless of any future inheritance you will be permanently in debt because of him and his spending.
GET RID !!!

Why will SHE be in debt? These are his debts

Why on earth are you with him? He is a complete money pit.
He will never stop spending money, whether he has it or not, and he won't scrupple to spend your money, that's for sure.

Yes, pay off the mortgage and shout you both a nice little holiday.

Suggest to DH that you paying off the mortgage frees him to pay the generated house cost savings straight into his credit card debt.

He will be debt free much faster.
That is generous of you, Op.

80k is not a lot in today’s world. If you need private health care due to state of nhs as you get older, money towards children- helping them buy homes/weddings, a couple of bucket list trips it’s gone very quickly. I would just say this money is a safety net for when we get old- if he needed an operation or something or new glasses im sure you’d be happy to help and pay - but to jus pay off his debt so he can buy more crap- no. That 65k he is getting - 20k of it will be spent instantly, you can’t change people so just remember that he’s not suddenly going to start saving.if he comments just say your getting 65k soon- why don’t you pay off the mortgage :)

My comment is off topic but this sort of situation only fuels financial inequality.

What about people who will never get any inheritence? I worry for future kids, it will become familes with inheritence vs families who've never had it. Its totally unfair to have such a big headstart just because of who youre related too!

Cant believe your in your 2nd inheritence also, you are very, very fortunate and your DH is due £800k! Wow!

Maybe you should look into some non-profits in your local area and see if you can offer them a small gift. Like care leaving kids, mental health support groups, young carers or a community group like scouts or guides to fund a trip... or donate to a foodbank or see if a local kids team needs some supplies. Even £500 or £1000 would be put to good use somewhere in your community in these times of cost of living crises where people are on or below the breadline through no fault of their own.

Even 1% of your 2nd inheritnce is £650, that could make a huge difference to a local charity.

Meanwhile 1% of your dh £800k inheritence is £8000 - so much good could be done by giving away a small portion of your free money to community groups that help people on their knees.

@TimeDoesntStandStill I've never inherited anything nor have my parents or my dc - though dsil did inherit £3 million from his dgm a few years ago. Life isn't fair but that's fine. We work with what we have! Ds is 23 and hoping to have saved enough to get on the property ladder next year. He has worked hard, gotten a good masters degree (has a huge student debt) and now has his dream job. Of course he will probably buy a 2 bed in a not great area but he doesn't begrudge his sister living in their £2 million mortgage free home.

Jesus OP - I wouldn’t even be with someone so bad with money and seemingly greedy in the first place, but that’s just me. No way would I let him get his hands on any more of my money - you’ve paid for far more than your share already on joint things, while he spends on himself! Ugh, he gives me the ick

I would pay off the mortgage and plan a nice holiday together. I would ask him to use the money he will save on mortgage to pay off his debt.

and I would sit down and do a financial review as you both approach retirement age, to see what you have, where you can cut costs and plan for the last ten years of your working lives…

This. He’s already had a LOT of your money, and you subsidise his day to day life. No more.

I could (and have) deal with a partner who earns less than me for good reason eg. in training, doing a job that just pays less. But such a combination of spendthrift and greedy would really put me off.