Inheritance and DH

[iht]

I’m about to inherit about £62k from my Aunt. My plan was to pay off the mortgage of £22k and invest the rest. My DH has made a few jokes about how I could give him some. We do have separate finances because we met later in life, and I had a house and he didn’t.

I had an inheritance a few years ago and paid off his car loan and also paid off our wedding debt of £10k. I also had paid for our honeymoon.

The thing is, he’s one of life’s spenders whereas I’m a saver. It means he rarely has savings, but I do. He has 3 cars worth about £35k total.

When we met he had about £18k on credit cards that he was defaulting on, and I helped him to get an IVA to get out of the mess he was in.

He now has about £4K on a loan and £4K on his credit card. So basically £8k in debt and I’m going to have £80k in savings after I pay off the mortgage. I feel if I gave him money he would just spend it on rubbish.

He will be getting circa £65k lump sum next year from his Pension and when his mom passes he will get around £800k, albeit that could be 20 years from now.

WWYD. I feel bad having £80k savings when he has £8k debt. But similarly I don’t want to be giving chunks of money away. This inheritance will be my last btw.

Often men that ask for money are 'what's yours is mine and mine is mine too' keep your finance separate.

He only has to wait a year before he inherits 10 X more than you and you already know he won't give you any money, so keep your money.

Paying off his credit cards will be futile as given what you have said they will have crept up again by next year. He needs reminding of all the times you have helped him financially.

You have been more than generous but don't be silly, he is. It going to change.

The pension will be next year. The £800k will be when his mum dies, which won't be in a year necessarily unless you know something OP doesn't?

He sounds like a cock lodger to me.

I'd pay off the mortgage, do any necessary maintenance on the house - new boiler, kitchen etc.

Don't throw good money after bad. If he wants to pay off his debts he can sell a car

Unless you stop funding his wasteful debt ridden life he will drag you down.

What incentive has he to make better choices when you bail him out ?
He sounds like a teenager.

And you sound like his dm.

Yeah it’s £65k he gets next year when he retires. The larger sum from his mum (assuming no care home fees!) could be 20 years off! She’s 78 now but the women on that side typically live until almost 100! 🤣

I’m just struggling with having such savings when he has £8k debt. We do have a holiday soon costing £6k, I’m wondering whether to pay for it as my treat ?

when his mom passes he will get around £800k

Surely this is the biggest thing - are you hoping to get some of the £800k or do you see that as just his?

This isn’t black and white because you’ve seemingly spent so much on him already - which I’ve got to say I do judge you for.

Why would you spend £10k on a wedding plus a honeymoon?

I would 100% give him some to splurge on whatever crap he wanted to but how much I’m honestly not sure.

He seems to have got a lot out of this marriage financially but you’ve also chosen to pay off his debts, spend so much on a wedding etc it isn’t like he forced you to do any of this.

You'd be mad to give him a penny, you've already been more than generous. he has cars he can sell if he needs to free up some money. His comments would put me off him.

I agree with you. I would not be following
my own advice with my own husband who is the more sensible with money and who would also give me his last tenner.
The OP’s husband, not so much.

My Dh had a couple of big-ish inheritances. He didn't give me any, I perhaps thought he might have given me a bit, but Hey-Ho, I have my own money and I don't need his.

Exactly. I'm ALL for shared finances, but absolutely not in these circumstances. He can't be trusted with money. If you believed he'd be responsible, the absolute most I'd do is clear the debt for him... but he sounds like the type to just wrack it back up again so it would be a waste.

You've given him plenty and a cleared mortgage is a wonderful present for both of you. No need to give him more, But - 3 cars!! That sounds absurd with everything else one has to spend on them to keep them safe and legal. Just, why?

Invest in a pension, take out a pre paid funeral plan and pay off your mortgage. That's all the £80k accounted for and book him into to see a financial adviser, he needs to sort his own financial mess out.

Please catch yourself on OP as they say in certain parts of the UK. He is shameless. You are a people pleaser. You will always lose. If you pay for the holiday or give him money you will be back here in 6 months telling MN about the poor decision you made and the inevitable consequences.

Tell him to sell a car.

I wouldn't be giving him any of it.

You have already paid off his debts once, there's no way I'd be doing it again.

You also paid off the 10k for the wedding, paid for the honeymoon, and pay for every meal out - why?!

He can sell 2 of his cars and free up some cash.

He can stop buying 4 packages a week and use that money to pay down the credit card debt.

If you're going to pay off the mortgage, he can use the money he would have spent on that to pay down the credit card debt.

I wouldn't be paying for the holiday either - he should pay half, or whatever his share is.

Do you both work full time? Do you earn a lot more than him, or is he just profligate?

The thing is,by paying more of his debts, and for holidays/meals out etc, you are enabling him. So he has no incentive to change.

Instead of buying 4 packages a week, he could spend that money taking YOU out for a meal.
He's actually very selfish.

I hope he's an amazing husband in every other way, be ause financially he is hopeless.

Don't you think he's had quite enough off you already?

If i were you I'd get it locked down into a pension.

You say you already know that when he gets his large amounts he will not give you some. Why are you agonising over this? Play by his rules. Keep what's yours.

He saw you coming a mile off and you are utterly ridiculous if you spend any more money on that man. Almost guaranteed he is lying about the pension fund and possibly inheritance and if he isnt he will be long gone and divorced you before you would be able to stake any claim. He is a cocklodger and has been from day one and you would be insane to give him any more money. He is not a man nor a provider he is a mouse with wife bankrolling him.

Bloody hell. Is he 15? Are you his mother? Ridiculous. Tell him to pay for his own meals and to grow up. He's an idiot

Have you locked down your will? It's your house and the things within the house appear to be yours too.

Yup. You can bet when he gets his not a penny will flow your way.

Find a money savvy mate to holiday with..are you really attracted to a man who cant even pay his share?
He isn't in a one off financial mess this is the real l him.

Surely you can do better??

He is getting some of it - the £22k that is paying off the mortgage is his shared debt too, I assume? Now he only has to pay off his £8k personal debt. He should be laughing.

Doing better is not being with this loser