Inheritance and DH

[iht]

I’m about to inherit about £62k from my Aunt. My plan was to pay off the mortgage of £22k and invest the rest. My DH has made a few jokes about how I could give him some. We do have separate finances because we met later in life, and I had a house and he didn’t.

I had an inheritance a few years ago and paid off his car loan and also paid off our wedding debt of £10k. I also had paid for our honeymoon.

The thing is, he’s one of life’s spenders whereas I’m a saver. It means he rarely has savings, but I do. He has 3 cars worth about £35k total.

When we met he had about £18k on credit cards that he was defaulting on, and I helped him to get an IVA to get out of the mess he was in.

He now has about £4K on a loan and £4K on his credit card. So basically £8k in debt and I’m going to have £80k in savings after I pay off the mortgage. I feel if I gave him money he would just spend it on rubbish.

He will be getting circa £65k lump sum next year from his Pension and when his mom passes he will get around £800k, albeit that could be 20 years from now.

WWYD. I feel bad having £80k savings when he has £8k debt. But similarly I don’t want to be giving chunks of money away. This inheritance will be my last btw.

Don't be silly, he's had a life time of treats that's why he thinks he's entitled to your cash. From now on all joint purchases should be split down the middle. Stop enabling the financially inept & entitled, cocklodger.

Are you for real? Madness

We share our finances, any windfalls/inheritances are just classed as both of ours.

However, in your circumstances I would not give him a penny. Cheeky fucker, he certainly fell on his feet when he met you!

@iht how is your pension compare to his?
If he is going to receive a big lump sum soon (£65k), will you have the same opportunity?
If not, then the answer is easy - I’m keeping it all because I need to look after my pension.
That’s it.
You are funding his lifestyle. The least he can do is show appreciation fur it. And for you to remember to treat yourself the same way you treat him. You deserve that money just as much as deserves the money you give him to pay his loans etc etc….

I mean, this man is absolutely terrible with money. Giving him money is like giving drugs to a drug addict.
I would be furious about him having got into debt again after you bailed him out the first time. He’s very cheeky for even suggesting this. Does he not have male pride?

He could start selling his cars to pay his debts.

Honor your aunts wishes as to how she would have liked her legacy to be spent. I doubt it would be so your partner could blow on indulgences, but I could be wrong. Has he said what he would do with the money?

sorry you lost your aunt x

he will be benefiting from having no mortgage that’s enough.

my husband recently got an inheritance and paid off our mortgage, the rest he has in savings and investments. I wouldn’t dream of asking him for money.

It does depend on what cars he owns and what he does with them. Collectible cars, classics, are actually a good investment, because tax rules automatically assume they are worth less than they cost so they don't have to be declared in probate. If he has two Austin-Healeys in mint condition, they are worth £90k each; two Austin-Metros, about £900 for both. The specialist car market is as interesting and as profitable as luxury handbags, and equally fashion-driven.

He doesn’t have £18k in debt now though, since OP paid that off. He has £8k - £4k on a credit card and £4k on a loan. Perhaps he thinks he’s been a ‘good boy’ in not running up as much debt, and deserves a bung !!

While my husband was away I hired builders and added on a room to our home.
This was agreed upon by us both.
We took out a loan, but it was only for the room; it didnt cover any of the extra expenses like the ceiling fan and window coverings. I also chose to upgrade the floor tile - I put this all on our joint credit card, along with gifts for his large family.
All of a sudden, he wanted a divorce. I was shocked and saddened.
The bills and expenses had to be shown to both sides of the story.
The credit card bill was high - and itemized - but both attorneys and my soon to be ex husband attributed the bill to my out of control spending without taking 2 minutes to look at the itemization.
I don’t think I have ever been so offended in my entire life.
Oh and the reason my pilot husband wanted this sudden divorce? He’d gotten some young stewardess pregnant.

Read the OP

I am often a shared finances person but in your situation, you are completely reasonable not to. He benefits from you paying off the mortgage as you will have more cash month to month and you already pay for more than your share of meals out etc.
if you give him any, he will probably blow it on more rubbish rather than even paying off his credit cards - so leave him to his own choices.

come on op he was in debt when you met, he wouldn’t have been able to buy a house without you. He paid off the original debt, but is now 8k in debt again! Do not give him your savings! He would piss the money up the wall. Put some to one side for your kids.

Just reading your posts op I can tell that if 800k comes your DH’s way, he will blow most of it and you won’t be given any.

I’d invest the lump but treat the income the investment makes as fun money for you both sometimes? I have a similar money disparity in my relationship with DP. I inherited 80k, bought a house with it that I rent out and i spend the income from that on things that benefit us both and our child. The lump stays safe but we all benefit from my sensible planning.

No way should you be paying off his credit cards. He can manage his own debt, you’ve spent quite enough on him already in my view!

He has no incentive to be reasonable with money, does he? He knows you will bail him out and he knows if he waits long enough his mum will provide for him.

I think if you split up he'd have the right to a share of your house, if he's contributed to the mortgage.

He's absolutely bloody useless with money, so I wouldn't pay off those debts as he'll only see it as a chance to get more.

Spender here. I'm trying to change - putting in lots of extra hours and selling stuff. But I wouldn't trust myself with a big chunk of money, and neither should he.

You don't have to give him anything, but if you do perhaps make it something constructive, like pay off a bit of the debt maybe. Not all of it, if you do he'll probably get 'clean slate syndrome' and spend massively. Like I have done every time I paid off a loan, until recently when I finally realised what I was doing 🙈

Don't just give him a big chunk unless you make peace with yourself in advance that he will splurge it. It's what we do.

Is it responsible? No. Does it take a lot of graft to stop the habit? Yes. And I can tell by the fact that he has 3 cars that he's not in the headspace to change yet. He should put things in place ready for next year as that 65k sounds massively triggering tbh. I'm working hard to stop but if I got a huge sum like that I'd probably unlearn all the good lessons and splurge, so would be good for him to think this over and do some sensible financial planning well in advance.

Yes you can never guarantee an inheritance.

Think about giving him half and in a yearning having nothing and you having your half being spent on clearing his debts again, or paying for more holidays etc

He is a money pit

He has savings but in the form of cars. How much are his cars worth in total? He could use his pension next year to pay off his 8k debt.

He’s apparently comfortable with £35k worth of assets and £8k of debt. Why shouldn’t you be comfortable about this also? He only needs one car. His thing is cars & spending. Doesn’t mean your thing has to be funding that.

And this is why Im not married. Its bad enough I gave my partner a third of the house through tenants in common as a good will gesture. Big mistake. This is my house that I have paid for and everything in it but now he owns a third of it despite not really contributing to the same extent as me

My inheritance wont be shared at all.

You say your house is ring fenced as yours despite being married, what about debts and savings if you split??

I'm surprised you felt comfortable marrying someone with so much of a different financial mindset, debt etc. I'm also surprised he's got the bare faced cheek to be "hinting" you should give him some given how much you have already bailed him out. 🙄🙄

The more and more I read on mn the more resolved I am to stay single forever.

Why doesn’t he sell a car and clear his debts?;whilst he’s at it he should pay you back the money you gave him for the car loan and half of the wedding debt.

What happens if he cashes in his pension then spent it?;who’s footing the bill for his retirement?

why does he need 3 expensive cars when one functional one will do?

I’d be giving serious thought to the future of your marriage

I'd be inclined to give him some to spend and enjoy.
If roles were reversed and a woman was living in her husband's house with no claim on it, there would be uproar on mumsnet