Best friend has made an issue about my DH’s joke over dinner

[Berniewe]

We met friends (another couple) at an Indian restaurant last night. My friend ordered a particularly hot curry which we remarked on. DH made a joke along the lines of ‘that’s the face-sitting off the cards tonight’ to which we both laughed as did my friends husband.

Driving home, I could see she messaged me. I got back to read it and she said she thought DH had set out to humiliate her and she expects an apology.

Is it me or has she gone very OTT here?!

Yes it was grim. Not a good comment for him to make.

It's very crude.

and rude/offensive - sex / farting / poo

some things in life are best not said / kept private

Good on your friend for calling out your disgusting husband.

I agree with her, i would have left. Absolutely repulsive. I can imagine the rest of the conversation wasn't especially scintillating.

So you aren’t asking “is it just me” you are looking for people just to back you up.

Everyone except your friend sound hideous. Do her a favour and step away from the friendship. And also, stop assuming all tradies or people from council estates are a puerile as you.

Yes you laughed @Berniewe . You are just as bad. And that is probably what hurt or humiliated her more. You are supposed to be her friend, not join in the vulgarity.

“For offending her”

Not apologising for his utterly contemptible behaviour then?

It sounds like the sort of puerile crap I used to hear from 17 year old rugby players, not grown men

I certainly wouldn't be arranging another night out with you and your unpleasant husband if I were her. What a revolting thing to say.

Crass.

I wouldn't be happy either.

You are not responsible for what your husband said but you thought it was funny and that your friend is wring so you are responsible for that.

My dad worked in a foundry but never said fuck at home. I also only used mild swear words in front of older family members or children. His job and upbringing are no excuse. Most people can change their behaviour depending on the company.

If would be bad enough if he’d made a sex comment about you but to make one about your friend is properly grim. He needs to know his audience. If he has upset her, he should apologise.

It wouldn’t have bothered me personally but your DH needs to know his audience.

You asked, and now that most people disagree with you, we’re all uptight? Why ask if you’re willing to reflect on the fact that you might be wrong?

It was crass. Some people might be okay with that type of humour, but she’s not wrong if she’s not willing to have jokes like that made at her expense. He should apologise and remember that she doesn’t like that type of humour.

A slightly risqué joke that is so bad it’s worth going NC.

I’m one away from bingo. Just need someone to mention the words working class or Jeremy Kyle.

You lot would’ve called Michaelango’s David a disgusting piece of smut.

You are always so aggressive…is it just with me? Did I offend you somewhere along the line, if I did I’m sorry.

But to answer what you’ve commented. He thought it was funny, she didn’t and was embarrassed. He doesn’t need to apologise for his words because they weren’t intended to harm, it wasn’t intended up humiliate, it wasn’t a nasty act. He doesn’t need to apologise for his behaviour because it was just his personality, and that of 3 of the 4 people at the table.

All he needs to apologise for is that he embarrassed her. It was an accident, he didn’t know it wouldn’t be found funny, and so he should apologise for that.

You don’t have to appreciate the joke or think it is funny, you might find it completely vile, but that is irrelevant. The comment wasn’t particularly offensive, especially since 3 out of 4 laughed, but it did upset one of the people and so he should apologise for the impact.

What a revolting thing to say.

Eww your husband sounds like an idiot. What a horrible "joke"

Ew

That doesn't mean it's ok for him to be thinking about and commenting on what your friends get up to sexually. It's nothing to do with 'being uptight' to think he's grim.

If my husband said this to me in private I would laugh and probably make a joke back. If he said this to a female friend of mine I would be mortified and wonder what was wrong with him

I cannot abide such crass and puerile behaviour. Men like this literally turn my stomach. Is he always such a twat?

Grim. I don’t know anybody who would make that kind of comment. You laughed, she’s upset and probably at least partly that you didn’t bollock him. I’d feel humiliated if someone made that sort of comment to me. Sorry to be snobby, but it strikes me as extremely low class and yes, sexist, but I don’t know any man who would dream of making that kind of comment to a woman. I don’t think that’s being uptight, it’s just not being mannerless and uncouth.

There's a big difference between "going NC" with someone you see regularly and deciding not to socialise as a couple because a friend's husband is crass and inappropriate.

I don't know about you, but I spend my free time with people I like, not people who are unpleasant.

Of course I am for real. I, like OP’s ‘friend’, would have felt humiliated and embarrassed by the comment. Why would I want to stay in a situation where someone had made me feel like that? I would have got my delicious and very hot curry to go and had a much better time at home.

I’ve unfortunately encountered a few men like your husband. They think being dragged up is an excuse for vulgarness and their upbringing rids them of any responsibility for social norms in adult life. It doesn’t.

To be honest with your lack of awareness for etiquette and empathy for your friend you’re coming across almost as rough as him. I can see why he married you.

Rude, crass, inappropriate. It was entirely the wrong setting for that kind of joke.
Shame neither of you can see that.