Best friend has made an issue about my DH’s joke over dinner

[Berniewe]

We met friends (another couple) at an Indian restaurant last night. My friend ordered a particularly hot curry which we remarked on. DH made a joke along the lines of ‘that’s the face-sitting off the cards tonight’ to which we both laughed as did my friends husband.

Driving home, I could see she messaged me. I got back to read it and she said she thought DH had set out to humiliate her and she expects an apology.

Is it me or has she gone very OTT here?!

I wouldn’t laugh I would just not go out in a 4 again. I’m council too and grew up rough but don’t laugh at things that are clearly gross.

The comment is humiliating. However, I think it is nice that your relationship with your friend means she can tell you she was hurt rather than hiding it and withdrawing from you in bitterness. Now you can apologise and say he’s uncouth 🫣

I would not laugh if my husband said this to my friend. He can joke about his own body after a hot Indian curry but he’d know better than to make that kind of joke about any women.
I was also brought up in a tough estate, no excuses.

You have to have a certain type of humour for this. Know your audience.

I was brought up in a council flat and I still think your husband is revolting.

I wouldn’t enjoy socialising with someone who makes comments like this

Is this becoming a theme, every week or so a new post where a boyfriend or husband makes an inappropriate comment and then everyone is outraged. Its like Mumsnets version of rage bait. Ive lost count of the amount of these there have been lately.

Hmm…is it the kind of joke she would make/laugh at if it was about someone else? If so, she is BU. But if not, YABU and should expect her to be upset.

My dad is a foul mouthed man from a tough estate and a rough type job. Blokes in rough speaking jobs can say whatever they want to each other, but my dad wouldn’t expect any other man’s wife (or his own) to want to hear it directed at them.

I was going to type something similar but I’ll get deleted for troll hunting. Pathetic goady thread knowing well she’s saying DH is rough, foul, crass from a council estate

Yeah and it's always about shitting and farting 🙄

Really inappropriate unfunny joke. However, I think you’re friend should just have called your DH out at the time or just left it and quietly laughed that you’re married to a twat!

I wouldn’t think he’d set out to humiliate me, that feels like a leap. And I wouldn’t demand an apology.

I would think he was a twat though. And I’d be unlikely to jump at the chance to go for dinner with the two of you again.

I would be embarrassed if my husband came out with a comment like this in front of friends. What a grim 'joke'

Gross I couldn’t imagine a friends husband saying that.

I'd be tempted to reply "I am not my husband's keeper."

I’m starting to think that it’s actually a man.

He's talking about this woman sitting on her husband's face after eating a hot curry (so obviously meaning shitting and farting) and you DON'T think he set out to humiliate her?

Here we go again with the Mumsnet Protestants saying you should get divorced for a disgusting, crude, vulgar, low-class sexual joke when in reality it’s extremely tame and nothing noteworthy between friends.

All of you people are incredibly deranged.

Agree! My sense of humour isn't sophisticated. But you don't talk about someone else's wife sitting on their face!

But that wasn't language was it, language would be saying fuck or twat. But no you aren't responsible. But if you laughed along rather than saying something then she probably thinks you are ok with it.

It was an extremely inappropriate remark to make and I'd be furious with him. What on earth was he thinking to say something like that?

Is it out of character for him? Had he drunk too much and said something out loud he should have kept to himself? I wouldn't have laughed at that.

Why wouldn't you apologise if you upset and humiliated someone and didn't mean to? The joke was at her expense so she gets to say whether it's acceptable or not. Why can't he just message her to say "I'm sorry I upset you, I didn't mean to, I misjudged the joke"?

Is he not sorry that his joke upset her? Why wouldn't you be sorry if you were trying to be funny and failed and caused hurt instead?

It’s a shit joke (get it) but it definitely was not said to hurt her.

I would be suggesting he apologises for offending her, because he did, whether intentional or not. But (providing he doesn’t have a history of intentionally upsetting her) I would also be telling her that her accusations are out of line and she knows it, and she owes you both an apology.

She was embarrassed, that’s ok, she can say that and get an apology, but she shouldn’t be accusing someone of intentionally trying to humiliate her 🤦‍♀️ how childish

You can’t be for real🤣🤣