Best friend has made an issue about my DH’s joke over dinner

[Berniewe]

We met friends (another couple) at an Indian restaurant last night. My friend ordered a particularly hot curry which we remarked on. DH made a joke along the lines of ‘that’s the face-sitting off the cards tonight’ to which we both laughed as did my friends husband.

Driving home, I could see she messaged me. I got back to read it and she said she thought DH had set out to humiliate her and she expects an apology.

Is it me or has she gone very OTT here?!

And this is why we stillncan't walk past a building site without being abused. Grow up.

Nah, maybe the age old joke about putting a toilet roll in the fridge overnight or something like that. And even then it depends on how well he knows your friend and the general relationship between all of you. But to bring her vagina and a sex act into it is way overstepping to say the very least. I live on a council estate and know a lot of blokes in trades and this is not normal or standard.

Presumably because she’s best friends with you, not him. She probably wants an apology from both since you laughed at the disrespectful comment. And I’d guess that the other reason she’s telling you is because she will distance herself from the friendship if you try to make light of it.

Agree, you are not responsible

She probably felt more comfortable messaging you than messaging him if she even has his number

The trade thing is ridiculous plenty of men in the trades are lovely

Not uptight at all. Just full of sympathy for that woman having to endure the company of brain dead fools.

We’re all different. If my DH said that to my friend, I’d be really embarrassed.

You have very low standards, OP. Many of us prefer our DH’s to have more class.

He sounds a right catch - not
someone so foul mouthed ofcourse it’s going to reflect on you!!!!!

So why ask if yabu

Yep, really grim.

There's not a single one of my friends who would make such a vulgar joke. Your husband should apologise

Having standards isn't 'being uptight'.

Grim. I’d get the ick.

Team Friend here.

Does he not know how to conduct himself in a public place or something? He sounds juvenile and crass.

It's gross

but she should have just pointed out at the time it was a disgusting comment to make, and move on. Bit weird to text later.

It was a disgusting joke tbh. While it might be OK with some people she was offended so an apology is due and note that she doesn’t do sexual or toilet humour in future.

No excuse, sorry, unless of course his background absolutely prevents him from being socially appropriate, and you laughed as well when your friend was humiliated by your Dh

God I’d feel really awkward if someone else’s husband said that to me.

I don't see how you are either so I haven't voted although what you've said doesn't excuse your husband. There was nothing industrial about his language, it was just OTT and not needed. (Unless of course your friend has form for making similar comments then of course that would be a bit hypocritical)

To echo a PP, yes it seems to be gross comment/wedding joke season at the moment.

Eww so gross 🤢 I wouldn’t have been happy at that comment either.

Your husband was totally inappropriate and an embarrassment saying that to / about your friend - yes, it does sound as though he enjoyed making a joke which humiliated her.

However demanding apologies is also purely intended to be humiliating.

A genuine apology is only one given freely.

An apology demanded is not a genuine apology and is a demand for ritual minor humiliation.

So they're the same really. An eye for an eye and all that.

Your friend should just have told you she was embarrassed by your husband and it ruined her evening and left it to see if your husband was man enough to freely offer an apology.

Your husband needs to rethink his boundaries, judgement and social skills though.

Because you’re her friend and his wife. You’re the only thing that binds them. So it’s your responsibility to make that bind less uncomfortable now he’s disgusted her.

It probably sounded funnier in his head than out loud. Your friend has every right to feel upset by his remark especially if they aren’t close

Yeah it is grim. I wouldn't have bothered asking him for an apology though - what's the point? I'd just quietly drop both of you as friends.