Best friend has made an issue about my DH’s joke over dinner

[Berniewe]

We met friends (another couple) at an Indian restaurant last night. My friend ordered a particularly hot curry which we remarked on. DH made a joke along the lines of ‘that’s the face-sitting off the cards tonight’ to which we both laughed as did my friends husband.

Driving home, I could see she messaged me. I got back to read it and she said she thought DH had set out to humiliate her and she expects an apology.

Is it me or has she gone very OTT here?!

It is rather crass! And tbh if she’s upset by it I’d just suck it up and apologise and make sure DH doesn’t say things like it again when with her.

Is this a reverse? I can’t believe that anyone would think that is an appropriate joke to make. It’s vile.

@Berniewe I'm surprised he is old enough to be married. He sounds like an immature teenager.

My thoughts exactly.

DH is in the trades so to speak and was brought up on a tough old estate so his language can be more industrial than normal, but I didn’t see how I am responsible for the comment.

I wouldn't ask for or want an apology from him, but I would not have found that amusing or an appropriate joke to make at someone else's expense. It's disgusting, to be honest! Who wants to think about sex or irritable bowels when they're trying to enjoy a meal?

I wouldn’t have texted but I probably would have told my husband that double dates were off with the pair of you.

Hmm. There's been an awful lot of these DH and inappropriate comment threads lately.

Stop making excuses for him.

He knows how crass and humiliating he was to this woman.

Being in the trades doesn’t mean he has no sense of who is around him.

A joke about having the shits is one thing mentioning face sitting is over the line for most.

She wants him to apologise. Fair.

You did also laugh and I’m sure her partner got an ear full one home so no fear of any face sitting for a few days anyway.

That is really gross

You're not responsible for your gross husband. But it would be kind to show empathy to your friend.

If you were laughing and an equal participant, why she she only blaming him?
If someone made a racist joke and their partner laughed, I would hold them equally responsible.
Assuming you were all adults, no one I know would consider this offensive. Presumably they know that if you have kids, you might regularly have sex etc?

I wouldn't bother with her again. It's more the fact she had a go at him-if she really had a problem, she should be upset that you laughed. Is she trying to cause trouble between you? Don't let her, just say you'd rather hang out with people who can manage a night without pearl clutching.

This has nothing to do with working in the trades. Your DH is a vile man who thinks it’s funny to humiliate women.

That’s gross- and I assume they’re not that close if she’s not gone to him directly. If that was my other half I’d be mortified on his behalf and telling him myself how disgusting a joke it was.

You laughed. You’re as bad as he is.
As is her husband.

He can say sorry , I wasn't intending to offend, I missed the mark. No big deal.

Inappropriate and I’d be offended too. Why on earth was that funny?

You’re not responsible for the comment but you did laugh, as did her own DH. Personally, I’d have been mortified if my DH had made such a joke. Doesn’t matter that your DH works in the trades or not.

So, he thinks it is appropriate to make this kind of remark?

DH grew up in a poor family in a council house but doesn't make puerile remarks like this.

Your husband sounds like an immature oik.

I’d laugh again - there’s too much uptightness in this world (or is that just on MN!)

I don’t know why you laughed ? I wouldn’t. I’d be repulsed. She probably laughed out of nerves. I think you need to apologise for laughing quite apart from your husband.

Hopefully the friend asked him that question

Ewww, I wouldn’t like that. I probably would have addressed it at the time though rather than sending a text about it later.

I agree it’s really vulgar does he usually act so rudely ?