To say 12 is still too young to be going into Leeds with friends in the holidays?

[Calmuntilfriday]

Please don't all shout at me because i genuinely don't know if im being too overprotective or not

Its only the second week of the summer holidays and i already feel like we're going to be counting the days until September.

My eldest is 12 and since finishing Year 7 he's suddenly decided he's practically an
adult. He keeps pushing the boundaries with his curfew. We live in Knaresborough and lately he's been wanting to spend more time in Harrogate with his friends which we've been allowing a bit as long as he's back when we've agreed.

Now today he's started asking if they can all get the train into Leeds. Ive said no. To me that's completely different to knocking about Harrogate for a couple of hours

He's argued every angle. Apparently "everyone else's parents let them". Apparently they'll only be looking round the shops. Apparently they'll stay together the whole time. Honestly ive heard it all today.

OH agrees with me thankfully but my eldest thinks we're treating him like he's about 8. Hes been stomping round the house ever since and keeps saying we're the only parents saying no.

Maybe i am old fashioned i dont know. It just feels like once they're in a city you've got no idea where they actually are and if something goes wrong they're a train ride away instead of ten minutes in the car.

Just wondering what other people would do with a 12 year old over the summer holidays because if this is only week two i think im in for a very long six weeks.

AIBU to say absolutely not to Leeds?

Well, I used to get a London Red Rover ticket, in the 60’s, and bat all over central London.

But, it depends what central Leeds is like.

I agree with you, you are not being unreasonable. Leeds is a long way from knaresborough and a very different place also 12 year olds are not as old or mature as they think they are

I live in Leeds and I often wander around town with my 12 year old boy through many of the places mentioned - and I've never felt at all unsafe. We're there during the day though - I know it gets wilder in the evening and Id be more careful if we ever went there late. I used to live in London so maybe I've been hardened?

He's been to town on his own a couple of times, and never had any problems. He's pretty sensible though, and only really hangs around Waterstones - which I admit isn't the roughest part of city.

Absolutely not BU , he's far too young, the fact that he thinks he's grown up enough just shows that he's not

Gotta love a boy who hangs out in Waterstones.

From a practical perspective - how does the approach on this thread work for boys who live in cities? Does this mean they can’t leave the house?

The Waterstones in Leeds is brilliant, it's huge. Great place to hang out!

I live in the same area Leeds is totally different from Harrogate .I didn’t feel comfortable with my children going on there own until they were 14/15 .

Bradford is even better because the building is magnificent!

A lot of y7 king James students will be travelling independently in to Knaresborough every day from Harrogate and further. To say that travelling to and from Harrogate is "a lot of independence" for a 12 year old is absurd!

Yes, the Bradford one is nice although it doesn't stock as much as Leeds.

Bradford is looking much more attractive since they repaved all that bit between the Interchange and the shops.

Google map is your friend.

It is, but to be perfectly honest the bar was pretty low to start with. Bradford was very much the ugly sister of the North and still has a way to go, I think.

Given the reaction to the OP's son wanting to go the Leeds, can you imagine the fit if he'd said Bradford?

Ha ha, that's just what I was thinking!

To those wondering where kids brought up in cities go, there is a difference. They will probably be pretty familiar with the city where they live, won't have to deal with unfamiliar transport and parents will be closer in case of any issues.

Not going to Leeds at 12 doesn't mean missing vital independence skills - there's still plenty of time to learn those. Once you allow something as a parent, it's hard to roll it back. I sometimes see groups of young lads in my city and they are often being really daft - I would definitely leave it another year.

Bradford is definitely a city where boring-looking middle-aged people like me are safer than teenagers, I think. I pass under the radar in Bradford, any trouble I see around there seems to involve young men.

London is bigger than some countries - eg Lichtenstein. I’m 55, lived here all my life and there are still areas I’ve never been.

How hard is it to deal with transport? Unlikely that the boys have never been on bus or train before. How do you think city kids get familiar with their city? They go about in it.

Leeds is 30 mins drive from Knaresborough whereas N.London is about an hour from S.London, longer if there’s traffic.

They’re already missing vital independence skills and seem to be prevented from learning any more.

I used to hang around town at 12 on the weekends (in Leeds). The journey to knaresborough on the train isn’t that long and I think Leeds is safe, being a native and all. Has he been to Leeds before though, does he know where things are?

I grew up in Harrogate so I can relate to this deeply. I think it's good for him to be allowed to go to Leeds. It's hardly central London. Did me the world of good as a child.

You could always start off by letting him go for eg a morning or afternoon and even meeting him for eg lunch there afterwards. A whole day might be a bit long.

Why should I need to bother to close mumsnet, open google maps, remember the name of her town, type it in, and then type in Leeds to get the distance between them?

If OP wants better, well-informed responses to her thread she needs to provide more info (including the info about her son). She did further down so all good.

When this happened to us (DD was 14 though) we accompanied her and her friend on the train to the city then let them roam around and meet us back at the train station for the return journey. Did this a few times until we were comfortable with her going it alone

No way would I be allowing that at 12. We live near Oxford and I’ve just started allowing my 14 yr old to go. 12 is far too young.

I’m just glad my girls are city savvy. They grew up in Leeds and know the dangers and have learned to navigate them. You can just say no and hope your son listens or you can support him safely to travel and be safe in urban environments.

Um OK.

It is what I would have done because I am a map nerd 😁

Besides, you don't need to close mumsnet to open another app.

It's about 45 mins from Knaresborough to Leeds on a direct train. It's a nice route through the countryside. Knaresborough to Harrogate is on the same line, but Harrogate is less than 10 mins down the line

Knaresborough is a very pretty and scenic market town, popular with visitors (like me) in the summer. It has a castle and the river Nidd runs through the town, where you can take boats out - there are riverside cafes and so on. I don't know what it's like to live there but it's lovely to visit.

Well worth a visit if you're in that area.