To say 12 is still too young to be going into Leeds with friends in the holidays?

[Calmuntilfriday]

Please don't all shout at me because i genuinely don't know if im being too overprotective or not

Its only the second week of the summer holidays and i already feel like we're going to be counting the days until September.

My eldest is 12 and since finishing Year 7 he's suddenly decided he's practically an
adult. He keeps pushing the boundaries with his curfew. We live in Knaresborough and lately he's been wanting to spend more time in Harrogate with his friends which we've been allowing a bit as long as he's back when we've agreed.

Now today he's started asking if they can all get the train into Leeds. Ive said no. To me that's completely different to knocking about Harrogate for a couple of hours

He's argued every angle. Apparently "everyone else's parents let them". Apparently they'll only be looking round the shops. Apparently they'll stay together the whole time. Honestly ive heard it all today.

OH agrees with me thankfully but my eldest thinks we're treating him like he's about 8. Hes been stomping round the house ever since and keeps saying we're the only parents saying no.

Maybe i am old fashioned i dont know. It just feels like once they're in a city you've got no idea where they actually are and if something goes wrong they're a train ride away instead of ten minutes in the car.

Just wondering what other people would do with a 12 year old over the summer holidays because if this is only week two i think im in for a very long six weeks.

AIBU to say absolutely not to Leeds?

@Calmuntilfriday now is probably the time to start doing some trips with him to Leeds so that he is familiar with the city before he starts going there with friends.

Let him, or one day he’ll an insular 17 year old, who can’t possibly get himself to his work experience. <bitter>. (Although in DS’s case he was constrained by Covid rather than me).

It’s a direct train. Leeds City Centre isn’t massive. I imagine they’ll mostly want to hang out at Trinity.

I would say no. There's lots of trouble in Leeds at the moment especially around McDonald's Brigate. Older teens and drunks causing trouble around that area even during the day, mc ds even has security during the day. It would be a definite no from me

Could you all go onto Leeds but let him go off with his friends and you do something else with the other two? So he gets to meet his mates and have a few hours wandering around and going to McDonalds or whatever?

At that age I was spending my summer holidays wandering around Manchester city centre trying on clothes in Topshop we couldn’t afford and eating greggs pasties. If they stick together I’m sure he’ll be fine.

It’s a bit young. I was 14 and that was better, less of a child

I think they’re a bit too young, sorry kids!

We are also outside of Leeds and have a 12DS, he’s not allowed in with his friends yet as certain parts are dodgy, yep I’m talking about where the druggies are near Trinity, the market area, bus station and John Lewis to mention a few! Also even though I’ve got life360 I think he would be talked into going to areas I wouldn’t want him to go to!

My 15DD is there this afternoon with friends and I feel comfortable with that.

I also know Leeds well and it would be a hard no from me for these reasons and the fact he hasn’t travelled on the train to Leeds on his own before.
Having had a 12yo DS who was very well behaved, it’s not just them you have to be sure about. I still got called by the Police when DS’s mates left him to take the fall for something they’d done at that age. And that was locally not in a city. If he doesn’t understand the risks then even more reason to say no until he’s more mature.
You can’t compare your DS brought up locally to a child already living in a big city and familiar with a lot of the norms. He isn’t. Mine wasn’t either.
He had however survived to adulthood so none of my rules have harmed him in any way. If he’d done why he wanted it could be another matter.

I'd let him,

I don't know Leeds especially well but I do work there a couple of times a month and it would be a no from me to a 12 year old boy just to hang around. The centre feels a bit less safe these days compared to just a couple of years ago.

Dunno, I used to get the train for 45 minutes to Glasgow at that age with friends.. However changed times as that was the 90’s.

It’s pretty common for young people to want to go and hang out in the nearest city.
The train is part of the experience.

I would be a bit concerned about what the group will get up to but then I’d feel the same if they were 14/15, so it’s not necessarily the age.

You know your son but I’d probably let him as I think it will be fun for him.

Granted it was the 90s but year 8 was when I was allowed to go into Leeds with friends (from Garforth, we’d been allowed into Crossgates on the train before that). It was a time before mobile phones and social media and I never remember any ‘hanging about’ to be honest, but then we were girls. We’d go to Topshop & McDonalds on Briggate and either the old Odeon or the Bowling alley at the back of the Merrion Centre. At 15 I had a Saturday job in Leeds, getting myself there and back alone.

Agree with the suggestion of going too but staying well out of the way with the younger kids? Same trains (different carriages), grown up presence in reach, but let them get on with it for the most part? See how they get on?

I don't understand the specific objection around he hasn't been there on the train alone before because surely that will be the case until he has! Also Leeds at 12, London at 14, why is that a problem? Do posters think their kids are law abiding in their home towns and turn into hoodlums in a big city?

Leeds is about 45 mins on the train. Could you compromise with York instead, about 25 minutes the other direction? It’s bigger than Harrogate but not as big as Leeds.

You say ‘he’s never been on a train on his own before’ and ‘he doesn’t know Leeds’ but that doesn’t really matter because he wouldn’t be getting the train on his own and he won’t be getting lost because he’ll be with a group.

Personally I’d let him go. It’s not him having something he specifically wants to go to Leeds for that he can’t get elsewhere, it’s about him wanting to do something new and exciting and more independent with his friends instead of his mum and a couple of little kids. And that’s a normal and healthy thing for a near-teenager to want.

I’d say that at 12 he should, at least, be starting to get trains and buses by himself and/or with mates, even if not specifically to Leeds.

I grew up in ilkley. 38 now for context! I used to go into Leeds from 12 on the train . Lots of skills learnt. Scary but I think I would let my child go with rules in place etc

I think that’s different though - I’d have said yes from Roundhay, or any other Leeds suburb - but Knaresborough does feel a bit further away (and potentially more sheltered than Leeds 😂).

I was about 14 before regularly getting the train into our local city which was about a 20 min train ride away and that feels about right to me. I was old enough to work out what to do in an emergency and not very close to home.

Or, maybe parent your own child rather than let his friends’ parents do it for you.

Every other parent of my daughter’s friends allowed them to have Snapchat aged 12. I refused and told her why. She was fine with it. She has friends now (aged 17) whose parents let them drink and vape in the house when they are all together. Should I be ok with that?

If it’s a group I think they’d be fine, there’s really not much that can go wrong in the city centre and either way nothing that wouldn’t happen in Harrogate too.

I had a friend that would still go with her DDs when they were 15/16 (she’d stay behind by herself to give them space I guess) and I always thought it was an absolute overkill.

Bit of a jump to go from walking around the city to Snapchat (which I agree it’s a blight) and drinking/vaping.

Bit of an aggressive response. Also the OP asked for opinions, this one is mine.

Wow!

I think it's borderline, so I don't think you'd be unreasonable one way or the other. As the parent of an 11 yo I think it massively depends on the child and their friends.

My DD would be sensible and she and her friends would be happy mooching around new look or flying tiger etc. But a group of pre-teen boys who don't have any interest in shopping would make me nervous somehow.

I do also have a son, and I'm not being down on boys, but my son is definitely more likely than my daughter to do stupid stuff to fit in

I really hope this is sarcasm

no way jose