To say 12 is still too young to be going into Leeds with friends in the holidays?

[Calmuntilfriday]

Please don't all shout at me because i genuinely don't know if im being too overprotective or not

Its only the second week of the summer holidays and i already feel like we're going to be counting the days until September.

My eldest is 12 and since finishing Year 7 he's suddenly decided he's practically an
adult. He keeps pushing the boundaries with his curfew. We live in Knaresborough and lately he's been wanting to spend more time in Harrogate with his friends which we've been allowing a bit as long as he's back when we've agreed.

Now today he's started asking if they can all get the train into Leeds. Ive said no. To me that's completely different to knocking about Harrogate for a couple of hours

He's argued every angle. Apparently "everyone else's parents let them". Apparently they'll only be looking round the shops. Apparently they'll stay together the whole time. Honestly ive heard it all today.

OH agrees with me thankfully but my eldest thinks we're treating him like he's about 8. Hes been stomping round the house ever since and keeps saying we're the only parents saying no.

Maybe i am old fashioned i dont know. It just feels like once they're in a city you've got no idea where they actually are and if something goes wrong they're a train ride away instead of ten minutes in the car.

Just wondering what other people would do with a 12 year old over the summer holidays because if this is only week two i think im in for a very long six weeks.

AIBU to say absolutely not to Leeds?

I live in a small town on the train line to Leeds - my Dd has been going in with friends from age 12.

At first, a parent would go in with them (in a different train carriage), give them strict instructions not to leave the Trinity centre, and go and wait in a cafe. They’d phone when they were ready to go home and the parent would meet and escort them to the station and catch the same train home.

We gradually withdrew the supervision.

At 14, they are completely independent and just inform us they are going to Leeds. They’ve been going for so long, it seems very strange to think of them just being allowed to start now.

There isn’t any “hanging around”. They look round the shops, buy lunch, blow their money on overpriced matcha drinks, and come home in time for tea.

I allowed my DC in to central London (from the suburbs) from 13, but my DS asked at 12 - he caught me on the hop st work - and I let him go with his friend. All was fine.

I have a just-turned-12 year old daughter and I hear you re the struggle for independence and how difficult it is to get perspective on whether you are being reasonable or ridiculous.

I sometimes take my daughter and a pal or two into the city centre and I’ll do my own shopping and have a coffee etc while they go off their own. I have boundaries about what areas they can and can’t go, and we check in every hour or so. The only issue with that is that gets happily stay there all day and I’m usually ready to go home after a couple of hours.

Too young. My son is almost 14 and only allowed this summer.

You say you trust him more than a group of lads…. That is quite telling…. What is the group like, would you trust the lads he wants to go with?

when my DD was a similar age, I didn’t allow trips to town with some of her school mates as I knew the girls she was invited to go with, and didn’t trust them not to get into bother including shoplifting etc. Nb these weren’t her closest friends as their Mums also would only allow supervised trips.

i was also clear with my DD that I trusted her but not the situation and she was ok with that.

I was happy to arrange trips where she could have a little time unsupervised but had backup if needed.

Then, at the same age, DD and older DS had a bad experience on a bus going to an after school music group in town, and were quite shaken up - think druggie attacking bus driver and the passengers all had to leave the bus halfway through the journey. This did put her off asking to go alone for quite a while.

I would try to talk to him about this and stick to he can only go if an adult is nearby the first time to help if something goes wrong.

I personally don't feel like Leeds is safe for younger teens for just hanging about town. Maybe if they were going with a purpose and not at night, i.e. bowling or ice skating etc then I would be more lenient.

I agree that 12 is a bit too young to go into a city. My dd is nearly 12 and spends time with friends in our local town centre if one of us drops them there and collects them after a couple of hours. Pretty soon they’ll probably be getting the bus in, but it’s only a ten minute journey, not like going into city centre at all. I didn’t do that without an adult until I was 15, although granted wasn’t a very confident or streetwise teen!

How about if one of the parents drove a few of them in, hung around or came back to pick them up?

I live in Leeds. I absolutely would not let my son travel from Knaresborough in on the train with his mates at that age.

A group of lads that age may well be fine but they may also find themselves encouraged into stupid stuff by other groups, or they will get upset when they are not allowed in the Apple shop in a group. Plus the trains are unreliable so what is plan B to get home.

I would also bet that all his friends parents are having the exact same discussions with their offspring that you are having with yours.

Install Life360 and you'll be able to see his whereabouts at all times. Our whole family is on the app and it gives me so much more peace of mind being able to see where my teenagers are when they're out and about with their friends.

No 14 is the age I allowed similar with my child, 12 far too young to be going into cities

No. I live in Harrogate and wouldn't let my 12 year old do this.

I think he’s a bit young if you think he’s going to be daft
I was allowed from Bolton into Manchester age 13 but I was a ridiculously sensible teen. Apart from smoking…

And made up

I think it’s fine. My 12 year old goes into Leeds with her friends on the bus. It’s not the Bronx. And there is a direct train from Knaresborough so pretty straight forward.

I know the areas well. I think it's an excellent idea and would have no hesitation.It is an entirely age-appropriate activity for a child who has been in secondary school a year.Please dont baby him.

I think that is a brilliant idea. You will obviously have the other siblings with you.

You could even ask him to bring a friend, which he will turn down as 'cringe' or something similar.

If he has a friend with him then you could sit in a café with his siblings and let them have a wander for an hour.

this^

Depends on the group really, if they're the kind of boys to get silly and do things that can get them into trouble when they're bored then no. I think this sort of thing is better with just one or two friends anyway, less potential for disagreement about where to go and what to do and less likely to egg each other on to do stupid things.

I let DD travel with a friend quite far when she was 13, involved bus, long distance train, tram and metro but they had a clear plan, knew what they were going to do (go to an amusement park) and I trusted them both to be sensible.

I live in a different part of the country but have a local equivalent. When my DS asked for similar at that age, my compromise was that I took him on the train to ‘Leeds’ with a few mates, gave them freedom to go round on their own for a few hours (you could go off with the younger DC) and then met up again at the end. A year later, I let him travel alone with his mates and he was fine (AFAIK….)

I grew up Leeds and I remember the first we went to Leeds city Centre with my friends I was 12. I can remember it well because we went to see a 12 film when that classification was brand new. We got there by bus and all knew the city. We also went by train to Knaresborough but I’m pretty sure my friends mum went will us the first time as we were not familiar with it. After that we allowed to go there by ourselves. I would suggest you go with them the first time and see how they get on.

I agree and in my head 14 is the age I’ll let my son go (am local to you). It’s other people vs him that concern me, but I totally get the need for some action :) I’ve taken him and friends before and said I’d leave them to it but actually they wanted me to stay and we had a laugh.

How about as a compromise you all go, with him and one sensible friend and you take the younger two to Maths City or similar and meet them a couple of hours later?

I live near wetherby and my newly turned 13 year old (just finished year 8) has started to get the bus with friends to Leeds.

To be fair wetherby, Harrogate and Knaresborough are a bit crap for teens, you may think he hates shopping but from experience at this age boys are very much starting to get into clothes and hair styles! And all the cool shops and barbers are there.

last time he went they was at the new arcade in the light shopping centre and was outside the arcade messing about with some paper flags they “won” and was then asked to leave by security because they didn’t have parents with them…

I work in Leeds too and it’s definitely not the kind of place where teens hang out in gangs they are swiftly moved on! he hasn’t been since because it was boring and I suspect him and his friends can get up to more mischief in the park in wetherby where there is less adults about!

12 too young I think. I agree with you (especially if there are no specific plans when in Leeds). Just hanging around has the potential for trouble.

I flew to France on my own when I was 13, so I’m a bit baffled why Leeds is too far - it’s about 30 mins drive from Knaresborough!

But I’m a Londoner which obviously is a den of iniquity and danger.

For me the biggest considerations are the other boys he would be going with and whether your son is sensible or quite naive. What are they like, nice chaps just wanting to spread their wings and have a McDonalds and a train journey without an adult present in a city or more likely to gravitate towards a bit of shoplifting and fighting.

Do you know any of the other parents, not in huge detail but could you work out how to contact at least one if your son lost/dropped or had his phone stolen.

Not to scare you at all, but familiarise yourself with the signs of county lines activity. It is an area which has an increasing problem with it and nice middle class children are very much targeted. Are any of the friends older and have they suddenly arrived into your sons friendship group. How does he know the other boys.

For me I would explain that it is a no now but I would give consideration to it towards the end of the summer holidays when he has had a few more successful train journeys accomplished.