To say 12 is still too young to be going into Leeds with friends in the holidays?

[Calmuntilfriday]

Please don't all shout at me because i genuinely don't know if im being too overprotective or not

Its only the second week of the summer holidays and i already feel like we're going to be counting the days until September.

My eldest is 12 and since finishing Year 7 he's suddenly decided he's practically an
adult. He keeps pushing the boundaries with his curfew. We live in Knaresborough and lately he's been wanting to spend more time in Harrogate with his friends which we've been allowing a bit as long as he's back when we've agreed.

Now today he's started asking if they can all get the train into Leeds. Ive said no. To me that's completely different to knocking about Harrogate for a couple of hours

He's argued every angle. Apparently "everyone else's parents let them". Apparently they'll only be looking round the shops. Apparently they'll stay together the whole time. Honestly ive heard it all today.

OH agrees with me thankfully but my eldest thinks we're treating him like he's about 8. Hes been stomping round the house ever since and keeps saying we're the only parents saying no.

Maybe i am old fashioned i dont know. It just feels like once they're in a city you've got no idea where they actually are and if something goes wrong they're a train ride away instead of ten minutes in the car.

Just wondering what other people would do with a 12 year old over the summer holidays because if this is only week two i think im in for a very long six weeks.

AIBU to say absolutely not to Leeds?

How long is the journey?

I would be inclined to agree with you and say not yet. Is he sensible in general? Do you have Life 360 on his phone?

It’s totally fine. Don’t make him be the one who doesn’t get to go. Leeds is a very safe city

Let him go

If you are nervous you go to Leeds too and keep well away from him but at least if he needs you you're there

Can you give some more info for those of us not from around there. How far away are you by train? Do you live in a village or town? Is he used to cities? Has he been to Leeds before?

I used to go into Leeds at that age (from Roundhay). I’d be ok with him going under a few conditions. At the same age mine would meet friends in London which will have a few people in here clutching their pearls. They were sensible boys and they e survived to adulthood!

So if I compare to where we live. We will let our 13 year old dd get the bus to Solihull but I don’t feel comfortable letting her get the train to Birmingham. We live on the border of Birmingham and Solihull

Too young imo. Plus you know him in terms of whether he's young/old or roughly in the middle for 12, so I think you should trust your instincts OP.

How well does he know Leeds? Can you take him a few times to familiarise him?

I think if he sticks to the main areas they would be fine

I used to go “into town” (Leeds) at 11 with friends.

No, it’s Leeds now, he’ll be expecting to go to London when he’s 14.
Nothing good comes from a few preteen boys hanging around the shopping areas, even if you trust him, you cannot assume that they won’t bump into an aggressive group of lads.
Too young, rein him in now.

We’re in a smaller city, under 30 minutes by train from Leeds. I would be saying no to my 13 year old (just finished year 8). It would be different if we’d been to Leeds more as a family and she was familiar with it but she isn’t. You could consider going a couple of times together and then letting him go with friends later in the summer. I’d also have to really know and trust the friends.

I think 12 is ok. Plenty of kids get trains and buses to school at that age. It’s more about if you like and trust the friends and what they might be up to?

It would be a no from me. I'd say 13 maybe id very sensible but given that he's flouncing about, he's not!

Can you dangle a carrot and say maybe at the end of summer if he behaves? Go in, take his friends drop them off and pick them up?

I know leeds well and whilst I agree it's not a dangerous city, I get your concerns with it being further away. Are his friends sensible? 12 year old lads are often pretty silly when together...

For me it's not age but how used to travelling to Leeds he is and what his friends are like. What's he like when things go a bit wrong?

How about you two have a trip to Leeds and he does the planning and navigating and then you decide?

For me the biggest question is what does he want to do in Leeds.

hang around the shops with no money getting into trouble? Absolutely not.

wander around aimlessly? Absolutely not

visit a specific attraction or activity? Maybe, but I’d be going too and sitting myself in a cafe 10 minutes away.

I would only allow it at that age if I went as well. Not with them but in the area maybe having a coffee while they do whatever

To answer a few questions, no he's never actually been to Leeds without us and he's never got a train on his own before either. We've been as a family a handful of times but usually if we're going somewhere specific rather than just wandering round.

We're in Knaresborough so Harrogate is easy enough for him because it's familiar and if something went wrong we'd be there pretty quickly. Leeds just feels like a completely different step up to me.

A few people have suggested going with him first which i actually did say. I said we'd happily take him one day in the holidays. That was immediately met with "no because you'll bring the other two". Which is true because obviously im not leaving a 9 year old and a 6 year old at home.

He doesn't want a family day out. He wants to go with his mates and no adults.

The funny thing is he doesn't even like shopping. That's what i can't really get my head round. I said what exactly are you planning on doing in Leeds that you can't do in Harrogate and i just got a shrug and "it's better". I don't think he even knows himself.

Generally he's a sensible lad but he's also 12 and when he's with his friends they all seem to get a bit louder and a bit dafter. I trust him more than i trust a group of Year 7 boys together if that makes sense.

I don't think this is really about Leeds anyway. I think it's him wanting a bit more freedom and me finding it hard to know where the line is.

Reading the replies has made me feel a bit less like the world's meanest mum though!

Get him to take you in to Leeds on a dummy run. Put yourself entirely in his hands: he's responsible for the public transport, sorting lunch, finding his way around, etc. If he passes, then let him do it with his friends.

We're in the same area. My (very grown up) daughter was 14 before she went into Leeds with her friends.

They will be fine … it will be train, McDs, look at some ships, another McDs, train home. Leeds is a pretty compact city, nothing is too far from the train station

I grew up in exactly that area so knowing all these towns well I’d say a firm no to the train to Leeds with mates until 14. I agree with you that I’d be OK with Harrogate or Knaresborough from 12 if he was generally a sensible kid.

My son was very determined at age 12 to be getting out with his friends, on trains. It felt like he pushed the boundaries a lot. Him and his friends travelled to skate parks with their bikes, and they were very capable and responsible, so it was fine. I think that kind of independence does need to come, but it depends on the child.

You are absolutely right! A group of teenage boys just egg each other on to do riskier stuff. I bet if you speak to the parents of the other boys they are all of the same view as you. Some parts of Leeds are not safe playgrounds for 12 yr old boys.