To say 12 is still too young to be going into Leeds with friends in the holidays?

[Calmuntilfriday]

Please don't all shout at me because i genuinely don't know if im being too overprotective or not

Its only the second week of the summer holidays and i already feel like we're going to be counting the days until September.

My eldest is 12 and since finishing Year 7 he's suddenly decided he's practically an
adult. He keeps pushing the boundaries with his curfew. We live in Knaresborough and lately he's been wanting to spend more time in Harrogate with his friends which we've been allowing a bit as long as he's back when we've agreed.

Now today he's started asking if they can all get the train into Leeds. Ive said no. To me that's completely different to knocking about Harrogate for a couple of hours

He's argued every angle. Apparently "everyone else's parents let them". Apparently they'll only be looking round the shops. Apparently they'll stay together the whole time. Honestly ive heard it all today.

OH agrees with me thankfully but my eldest thinks we're treating him like he's about 8. Hes been stomping round the house ever since and keeps saying we're the only parents saying no.

Maybe i am old fashioned i dont know. It just feels like once they're in a city you've got no idea where they actually are and if something goes wrong they're a train ride away instead of ten minutes in the car.

Just wondering what other people would do with a 12 year old over the summer holidays because if this is only week two i think im in for a very long six weeks.

AIBU to say absolutely not to Leeds?

We are about 15 mins on the train from Leeds and my ds is the same age as yours. I wouldn't let him go without an adult either. He has free rein in our village to go around with his friends and to the next village along. He is definitely not mature enough to go anywhere further afield currently and I don't think its necessary.

I go regularly to Leeds and occasionally to Harrogate, Harrogate on the same train line your son would use.

Apart from being a longer journey, I can't see that Leeds is inherently unsafer than Harrogate, if you are in the city centre in daytime.

What are your specific concerns about Leeds vs Harrogate?

Lucky you living in Knaresborough - that's another place I like to visit!

I really like this suggestion. Obviously you need to decide in advance that you will let him go if he does "pass".

No, it's all about the kids safety. It doesn't matter how good your child is the centre of Leeds of full of drunks and drug dealers and older teens causing trouble. Even I woujdntt go into Leeds around trinity, bus station, train station even mcdonalds etc without my adult sons with me.

Well, that’s just silly.

My kids grew up in London so were very used to trains and buses and at that age were allowed to go into central london as l knew they would b able to get home if one tube line was closed or buses diverted.
If he has never been on a train alone l would say no, what happens if he gets left alone without his friends,,could he find the station?

I suppose you think the stabbing I saw in daylight hours in one of these areas was silly awell? Or the kids using drugs and causing trouble outside McDonald's Brigate, was that silly? Police are always arresting people there Or seeing buskers getting robbed in the street? Was that also silly?

My brother lives on the other side of Otley and my nieces have been going into Leeds on the bus with a group of friends since they were about 13. I think initially my brother and his wife used to go into Leeds in the same day, but separately, but were close by where the girls were, just in case… maybe try that? Put a tracker on his phone!

Totally agree. To hang round the shops just no.

I was 25 mins by train to Leeds, at that age we would normally go in on a weekend but one child in the groups parents would also go and do there own thing and go/to from Leeds together on the train. By 13/14 we went on our own.

As an adult now I think that was pretty reasonable and we built our confidence by having time away from adults but they were there in case of emergencies (not that there was any-but the trains nowadays are much less reliable and can be pretty confusing for those not used to dealing with it).

I would say Leeds is significantly rougher than Harrogate and Knaresborough.

I am very familiar with the areas you talk about and agree with you.

Leeds from Knares is a whole different ball game to Hgate. TBF I think he’s got a lot of freedom going there!!! Is he at King James? I know a few year 7s and no way are they going to Harrogate unaccompanied.

If you want to give him freedom without the added risks of big city he could just get the bus around more - wetherby, skipton, ilkley, Otley - different scenery without that city vibe. But honestly I think that’s a LOT for year 7 and if you’re being more than reasonable already.

@Calmuntilfriday
Im in York and travel to Leeds regularly for shopping.

No way would I let a 12 yr old,who isn't familiar with the city and wont be very streetwise, loose in Leeds.

If hes not shopping, what's he planning to do?

I wouldn't like it, I'm on your side.

Wonder how many of his friends parents are hearing "but everyone else is allowed"

The sad fact is that in the UK, in 2026, you can get incidents/trouble almost anywhere - including supposedly 'nice' areas. It does knock your confidence if you are witness to trouble like this. But I do think you need to find ways to overcome it - counselling if necessary - you can't live your life in fear, dependent on others accompanying you to go anywhere.

Things I do to feel safer when visiting cities (any big city, not just Leeds).

• Don't take anything unnecessary with me - e.g. bank cards I don't plan to use
• Use a cross body bag, not a rucksack
• Be mindful using phone in public places
• Have 'emergency cash' stashed about my person
• Don't use earbuds/walk along having phone conversations. Be alert to those around you
• Dress comfortably
• In an unfamiliar place, memorise directions or print them out on paper, so you don't look like a target with your phone blaring 'take the next left'

Trust your instincts, if you're not comfortable with it, say no. Don't listen to others on here saying they'd let their kids do whatever, or they were hanging out in city centres miles from home at that age. They aren't the ones sitting worrying at home, and they don't know him like you do.
Besides, he isn't acting like the mature, responsible person he needs to be to be allowed such freedoms. 'Everyone else is allowed' is a nonsense argument, and you know it.

My DS is a year older. He knows I have to be happy and comfortable with his plans before he'll be allowed to go. He used to strop, now he thinks about my potential concerns in advance and we have a reasoned discussion before I decide if I'm OK with what he's proposing. This has the benefit of building my trust in him to plan well and be sensible, and him getting yes more often than a no. He sticks to arrangements when he gets a yes, and he also accepts no for an answer. He gets to do more as a result than he ever would by stamping his feet and wailing 'it's not fair'.

Knaresborough is where I grew up. I wouldn’t have let my 12-year-old go to Leeds.

What are you scared of specifically?

Honestly I think it depends on what he's like. I've got a 12yo boy, gets himself to and from school across the city but I wouldn't trust him to either navigate round our city centre or not be overly silly with friends. Fwiw I also have a 14yo who is able to go where he wants (within reason) so I wouldn't say I'm too overprotective, more than there's quite a jump over those 2 years.

Also I'm not sure what Leeds is like at the moment but our city centre (Newcastle) is like a different city to a few years ago. Loads of drunks/open drug taking/groups of teens deliberately intimidating people.

I live in Leeds. At 12; DD was allowed to be taken to the White Rose to wander it with friends, with us also in the centre. She was not allowed to get a bus or train into town with friends. I didn’t care if ‘everyone else was doing it’. (They weren’t, btw).
That’s very specific but OP will know what I mean.

My dc went into the city centre by that age with friends, ok it was 20 minutes on a bus rather than a train but still a bigger city. Brick phone then so no tracking etc

I would be scared of too much free time and walking potentially a bit lost aimlessly in a group of other kids. Kids this age are vulnerable to county lines, other drug scams, being tempted (or coerced) into shoplifting, they are also prone to falling out and getting upset/lonely when their mates leave them/theyve stormed off. I would be worried about them witnessing a crime and being distressed. Kids/teens are also vulnerable to mugging. Also the potential of gang activity in a large city.

Many of these examples are unlikely however none are impossible and if something did happen to my pre teen who is developing independence I would want to get to them fast. And being half an hour + away + being responsible for other children at home would mean I couldn’t be.

A year ago he was just leaving year 6? Most kids that age haven’t been further afield than the park near their house and the walk to school. I’m all for developing independence but this year it’s the local town and perhaps next year it’s a specific activity somewhere slightly further afield with a responsible adult nearby.

My daughter and her friends started going into central London on the tube age 12. They were definitely not that mature or street wise. But they just wanted to go shopping in oxford Street and back, which is something they had all done many many times before with their families so it was not a big deal.

I would start going in with him on the train so he gets used to it.

What is about Leeds that you find so concerning compared to Harrogate? I’d be inclined to let him go. I think we should be promoting independence for young people as far as practicable.

I would be a bit nervous but I think I would let him. Knaresborough is lovely bit there’s not much there for the pre teens and Harrogate the same if a tiny bit less … quiet. Tell him he absolutely must check phone and keep in touch with you and if he doesn’t he won’t be going again for a long time. @

Admittedly we live in a small city and the walk into the centre is only about 15 mins but “going into town” was a big part of my kids’ Saturday afternoons at this age (and part of why, having grown up myself in a small market town, I didn’t want to replicate that in adulthood)