DH trying to force oral

[whyohwhybrainrots]

Ok before I write this I know there will be a lot of leave him comments but this isn’t why I’m writing it I just needed to rant! We have a lot of other things going on at the moment which would make leaving impossible currently. It’s something to think about down the line.

So me and DH were having some ‘us time’ the other night which is very rare (few times a year) due to DCs health needs and that taking up lots of our time. I was already not really in the mood due to him asking in a vulgar way (“do you want to Fxxx”) but just let that slide. He then gets on top and whilst he’s on his knees and I’m lying down he kind of shuffles up the bed and says “oh just a little suck first” I said no and tried to pull him back down to kiss etc, he then kept saying just go on only a little bit and kept laughing and trying to get his penis closer to my face. At this point I had said no twice, I then sat up, pushed him back and very forcefully said “I said no!” . He then acted like it hadn’t happened and we carried on.

not that it matters but I’m a survivor of child SA and so I can get triggered easily by things like this. I just think why do men feel like women would want to do this all the time, like it’s their right to make us? I’m sick of men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them. How would he feel if I’d done the same thing demanding oral when he said no?

like I said this isn’t about leaving as that isn’t currently possible, it’s just a rant about how men think that women can just be used!

It’s not normal to try and force your penis into someone’s mouth.

I can't begin to understand what is.going on in the minds of the 5% of voters who think YABU. Why would it be unreasonable to express your view on oral and to want it to be understood? So weird.

This is not a normal, healthy intimate relationship sorry.

Very disturbing.

Men? You can see them littered on here justifying their entitlement..

Agreed. What OP has experienced is pretty standard. All these LIBERAL MINDED WOMEN who believe consent is the be all and end all of sexual relationships live in cloud cuckoo land. Consent is simply not a stand alone workable solution in the real world! Their insistence at her leaving her partner even though she’s explained that isn’t part of the situation she finds herself in is very telling - an inability to use their imagination or curiosity outside of their own narrow world view. Normal women negotiate and get by; often indulging their partners with oral sex that they’d far rather not be practising. This normalisation of oral sex also makes me laugh. I sincerely believe many women have been steadily brainwashed by their culture that this is a perfectly normal, even essential part of a relationship - probably only come into effect in the last thirty years or so. I rarely ever comment on MN but felt compelled to offer some balance to the self righteous “advice” offered by so many of the ugly comments here.

Who are these dogs having oral sex? Never seen this myself…

Sexual assault..some men are the pits of the earth.

That is a complete mischaracterisation of what most have said. Nice misogyny there - accusations of prudishness.

So you refer to women as hysterical, and you accuse the OP of exaggerating how she feels.

Nice. I don't think you are missing anything - you mean to be as insensitive and misogynistic as you have been

You know, a lot of this post is quite toxic for women. Sex is not something to be ashamed of—when I got married, the vicar blessed us (in front of everyone, as part of the ceremony) and prayed for us to have a great sex life together, as sex is a gift from God.

The Orgasm Gap is real—an overwhelming majority of women cannot orgasm from intercourse, and the most reliable way for large numbers of women to reliably orgasm is from oral sex. No “brainwashing” about it. You’re giving incel vibes. Women can do what feels good to them, and can set their own boundaries—for me, my boundaries are around the CourtesyWash™️ and ejaculation. I will not feel your shame about what I do in my marriage to close the Orgasm Gap between men and women, and it is very toxic for you to try to shame women.

As far as OP goes, her DH is toxic and doesn’t care about the Orgasm Gap, and most of us in this thread have confirmed that we would not indulge in his requests.

CONSENSUAL??? She said No. What part of the word No do you not understand.

OP you need to tell him what he did was very very wrong and if he doesn’t accept that then no more sex.

What the actual fuck have I just read????

I think the relationship is dead in the water.

There are some seriously damaged and deranged people in the world, it's horrifying that they could be raising children.

I think even if someone wasn’t a victim of SA they would still find this traumatic tbh, I think I would panic of Dh tried this on me and I would never ever trust him again. This is not normal, DH always checks if I’m ok because I have some discomfort sometimes, in a normal healthy sexual relationship you aren’t an object you are a willing participant.

Honestly once this kind if trust is broken the relationship can’t be the same anymore. It’s violating, you should never be put in a position where you have to shout or push the person you love off you during sex to protect yourself.

I have to say I’m really surprised by some of the responses here, Dh and I can be a bit enthusiastic (I swear I got groin strain once). He has never ever been “pushy” or demanded anything from me. Checking in with each other that we are both fine with everything is normal isn’t it? Not signing a permission slip but just a “er thats no working, are you ok, does that feel ok? No I’m nit up for that” we’ve both decline to do some things before and thats ok. DH would freak out of he hurt me or there was any indication he violated any boundaries I have because he’d feel like a bloody rapists and he’s not a giant bastard.

What kind of awful sexual relationships are people having!? It’s not just me right?

What the fuck would you know about normal anything?

of course it's not just you, but some weirdo are trying to derail the thread about sex and perfectly normal sexual acts as being some weird "perversion".
Normal couples all over the world enjoy each other, and have perfectly balanced and happy sex lives because they like each other!

Sadly others are very sexually frustrated by the sound of it and it makes them deranged.

That's exactly what I thought.

Why do women have to "negotiate and get by"? Are we still living in Victorian times when women were just objects for their husbands to use and abuse ?. Are women not allowed to say what they want and for that to be understood?

Jesus fucking Christ.

What have I just read?

Ok we get it, you like dirty talk and role play. Irrelevant to the thread but its so cool to hear about 👍

It reads as if you and your husband are not very compatible with regard to sex. That's not unusual but you may want to look around and see what you like, what interests you, and what you'd be comfortable with and maybe introduce that into your sex life. Make it you centered, so you are relaxed. I've never known a man who doesn't want a blow job. Is there a work around? Something else you can do for him? A little feather play or something? How well do you know his actual desires?

I think you are missing the point tbh.