DH trying to force oral

[whyohwhybrainrots]

Ok before I write this I know there will be a lot of leave him comments but this isn’t why I’m writing it I just needed to rant! We have a lot of other things going on at the moment which would make leaving impossible currently. It’s something to think about down the line.

So me and DH were having some ‘us time’ the other night which is very rare (few times a year) due to DCs health needs and that taking up lots of our time. I was already not really in the mood due to him asking in a vulgar way (“do you want to Fxxx”) but just let that slide. He then gets on top and whilst he’s on his knees and I’m lying down he kind of shuffles up the bed and says “oh just a little suck first” I said no and tried to pull him back down to kiss etc, he then kept saying just go on only a little bit and kept laughing and trying to get his penis closer to my face. At this point I had said no twice, I then sat up, pushed him back and very forcefully said “I said no!” . He then acted like it hadn’t happened and we carried on.

not that it matters but I’m a survivor of child SA and so I can get triggered easily by things like this. I just think why do men feel like women would want to do this all the time, like it’s their right to make us? I’m sick of men thinking women are just objects to satisfy them. How would he feel if I’d done the same thing demanding oral when he said no?

like I said this isn’t about leaving as that isn’t currently possible, it’s just a rant about how men think that women can just be used!

Hoping and asking fine. Ignoring your no- not fine

He should be fucking ashamed of himself bang out of order - you know what you need to do so I am not gonns say it.

That's really not on OP. My H once did something similar, pushed me down on the kitchen floor and shoved his bits and bobs right in my face so I couldn't see anything or hardly breathe and wouldn't take no for an answer. He thought it was funny but it was extremely annoying and disrespectful at the time. I haven't had your terrible childhood experience either, so can't imagine how you must be feeling.

I'm not sure what makes men feel that women are always up for it or are just sexual toys. He needs to be aware that you should only say no once, amd he should respect your wishes. His attitude to being told that will tell you all you need to know.

mostly pornography but also the way sex and relationships are presented in so much of mainstream culture if we are honest about it.

I think its impossible to judge relationship dynamics or condemn anything but what i'd say OP is I think you should have a calm discussion with him and just tell him outright how much you disliked what he was doing, how it seemed to you like he ignored you saying "No" and remind him of your history and how it made you feel. if he's a good person he will probably be mortified.

So its important for him to be fully ready, but not you then?

I can see why its only a few times a year. Even that is too much for a neanderthal like him

Porn brain

OMFG rarely say it but LTB

pushed me down on the kitchen floor and shoved his bits and bobs right in my face so I couldn't see anything or hardly breathe and wouldn't take no for an answer. He thought it was funny but it was extremely annoying and disrespectful at the time.

WTF have I just read?

Yes, I mean plenty of men like giving oral sex, lesbian and gay couples also.

Unfortunately far too much porn shows oral sex in a horrible way.

I actually said this out loud while reading the OP. "Just a little suck"?! My atrocious taste in men is well known, but the only who's said that to me was a stranger attempting rape ...

Plenty of people enjoy giving oral : some straight men, many lesbians and gay men too. By nature it mainly gives physical pleasure to the recipient but in a healthy relationship the recipient will reciprocate in other ways.

Of course it's not batshit to dislike it.

Re this :'Personally I don’t want a part of the body which is used to urinate shoved in my mouth.'- probably people who enjoy it expect that their partners will wash properly, I certainly do. But I can understand that being a hard boundary.

Why do you keep using TV shows as examples?
I wouldn't take Tony Soprano's life advice on anything...

As a CSA survivor myself you said no end of, no means no a grown man knows that.

Maybe knock him out with a frying pan to set the mood

'It just sounds like you haven’t really fully explored other views. Many women do not examine their own thoughts on different practices enough.' - I agree but that's not the case here, necessarily. Pp may well have thought her views through clearly.

I wouldn't say different views are batshit but I do think it's horrible & unnecessary to stay stuff like 'it's for dogs'. People can criticise oral sex without saying that.

'What is it an insult to call somebody a 'cock sucker'?'

'Cocksucker' is a homophobic insult, because traditionally people thought the idea of a man giving another man oral sex was degrading. That doesn't mean oral sex is degrading for women (or for men, straight or gay).

Do you commonly come across that insult now? I don't think many people do.

On another thread you mention you belong to a Christian denomination which sees being unmarried & childless as an adult as 'living like a teen'. Sounds quite strict .

Are your strong religious views why you have such vituperative views of oral sex?

On another thread she expresses strict religious views so maybe yes.
The Bible itself says nothing about oral sex but traditionally the church disapproved of it.

My DH would never, ever do this.

It’s coercion, and carrying on further is sexual assault.

Appreciate you saying you can’t leave, but you should ring Women’s Aid for advice.

“How would he feel if I’d done the same thing demanding oral when he said no?”

That wouldn’t have even been the same scenario because of the physical power advantage men have over women.

The raging Gen X in me would have taken a big bite. Bet the screams would be heard down the street. Oh and he wouldn’t be putting his pecker (or what’s left of it) where it wasn’t wanted ever again. 😈

Its not "men". Its him.

Your baseline should not be to expect them all to be like thay and DH is "just" being like all the others.

He is an outlier, as you can see from these responses.

His behaviour is not typical, acceptable or normal.

which makes the husband sound like a perverted deviant for expecting it in first place

Any man who expects any form of sex IS a pig.

If that makes me a “righteous prude” then I’ll happily be a righteous prude.

The website is fucking grim.

It just sounds awful. You say you can't leave but nobody should have to put up with that.