Is it ever ok for a child to hit a child back?

[dobbledo]

If a child is constantly being hit by a younger sibling 2 years younger and smaller than them with SEN is it ever ok for them to hit them back?

I think it’s pretty inevitable that they’re going to hit back at some point. It’s unrealistic to expect a young child not to retaliate sooner or later without adult intervention.

They need to be kept separate if the violent one can't be stopped from constantly hitting. No one would accept being constantly attacked.

It’s not ok for any child to hit another. If you have a child with SEN, prone to lashing out, keep them apart.

This.

You are only going to get hit so many times before lashing back. And it may also appear disproportionate - but if you are wacked continuously, you are likely to blow your top at some point.

If you hit me I'm 100% going to thump you back. I wouldn't refuse a child the same right.

Their ages here are pretty relevant.

Although I’d expect any kid to get fed up of being thumped no matter how understanding they are.

The one who hit first shouldn’t be hitting in the first place. Plenty of other ways to communicate

So basically you are allowing your older child to be abused by their siblimg regularly and are doing what about it exactly?

I think hitting back is inevitable in this case.

Why isn’t there a level of supervision that stops the younger sibling hitting in the first place??

Well no. But it’s going to happen and it’s not a big deal to show some understanding to the kid that has retaliated.

No, the parents need to put a stop to it and not put the onus on the older child to sort it out themselves.

It's fine / expected.

The parents of both children should be looking hard at themselves (as this is wjere the majority of "fault" lies) and working to develop more effecrive parenting strategies and solves.... because if one child is repeatedly able to do that it's user error.

My 4 and 2 yo do this especially when tired post 5pm.
so....in the living room one sits on armchair and the parent sits with the other one on the sofa. If I leave the room one comes with me to help get water / make dinner / whatever. That's a strategy i put in place to solve hitting when tired...

Yes

I don’t think anyone should be taught to take limitless punches and not react.

However, hitting back should be the last resort - not the first. Better coping mechanisms would be walking away, staying out of hitting reach of the sibling etc. instigating sibling should be visibly punished/suffer consequences of their actions too.

If you are asking me in 2026 then my answer is "it's never acceptable for any child to hit another one"

If you ask what happend back in the day, then yes, of course. Peer retribution often gets the point across far quicker than endless hand wringing and irrelevant consequences. What goes around, comes around.

No one is a punching bag for anyone—adult or child. Everyone has a limit.
If someone hit me, you can bet I'd retaliate. I've always told my children that if someone hits them, they have every right to hit back and defend themselves. If there are SEN issues, it's up to the care giver in charge to make sure both children are safe in this instance.

I wouldn’t say it’s “ok”. But the whole situation is not ok. It’s not like the situation is fine, and the older child is being unacceptable.

This. Off course it is. Sen is irrelevant. A person, especially a child has a tolerance level. Where are the adults or carers ?

8 and 10 and both had money to spend over the summer, every time the younger one hit the older one they had to give the older one a pound, this was a consequence for the youngest and compensation for the eldest.
The younger one has now given all their money to the older one and the older child is being advised to hit them back now by their father.
This consequence has clearly not worked and any attempts at separating them fall flat as the youngest will object to leaving the room and the older feels they shouldn’t have to.
They share a room so the younger will destroy the bedroom they share if they are alone in there.
They also cannot be separated on holiday or days out or in the car.

The younger will object to leaving the room

So? It wouldn’t really be a good consequence if they didn’t object to it.

the older feels they shouldn’t have to

Of course they shouldn’t!

This is poor, disjointed parenting

youngest will object to leaving the room
So what?

They share a room so the younger will destroy the bedroom they share if they are alone in there
Dont put them in a bedroom.
If you do stay in the room and dont walk off?

Theres 101 other ways to deal with this....you.write like "erghhhh we tried EVERYTHING... there-s nothing else we CAN do"

The younger one will refuse point blank and if taken out will walk straight back in again and again.

So take them back out again and again until they realise that if they repeatedly hit someone, they will be taken away from that person.

Indeed.

This sounds like years of path of least resistance parenting.

I feel sorry for the oldest child