AIBU to be mildly annoyed when greeted in my own home throughout the day?

[Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice]

DH and I are normally a very close and loving couple but very different in this respect and I find myself irritated at times.

I greet him (very warmly and affectionately) first thing in the morning if we've woken up separately, or if one of us comes home from being out.

He has to verbally acknowledge me literally every single time our paths cross in the house. If one of appears up or down the stairs. If one of us comes out of the bathroom and encounters the other. When one comes inside from the garden. It's most often accompanied by a banal and rhetorical question; Watching TV? All finished? All clean? Minding your own fucking business? (OK, I made that last one up.)

Do you do this?
If you don't, would you find it annoying?

Hooold on!
Mine was at work for 35 years so he was occupied during the week and didnt do it at weekends as he was busy socially
Its very common around retirement for these issues to crop up or if the DH is off work or WFH
Children are often to Uni so theres no cushion, just you and him

Suddenly you have a man creeping around asking you if you are clean or had a poo
Guess who instigates the most divorces ?
Yeah women in their 50s

@AnAutumnCrow

Used a lot of emojis there, have you?
soz

I understand where you are coming from. I had a flatmate like this and it was exhausting! Thankfully my husband and I are equally as anti-social as each other.

Yes, I agree. a marriage/long-term relationship changes and evolves. By the time teenagers and young adults have arrived and left, the parents can be very different people when left to their own devices again.

Yes, exactly. This is why I go off on my own into the garden - DH hates sitting outside - so I can read in peace. So I can be without a hundred questions asking about the book I'm reading, what it's about, if it's good, how far am I into it etc!

He doesn't care really, and doesn't need to know. He just can't stop himself constantly talking... (And asking questions!)

Did you pay ANY attention to his actual personality though? Before you married him? Or lived with him? Or was he just there as, I don't know, some sort of absent provider placeholder without any character of his own?

"Suddenly"? You're surprised you had a husband?

Bids for connection - or social strokes, as we used to call them - are mutual. Hence, I don't understand why all you irritated people don't pre-empt them. You could either say something about the shower you just had before he asks, posit a question of your own, or just make a general remark.

While I love pointless chat, I can get tired of obvious observations so, like several PPs, I sometimes reply with mild sarcasm - which I hope comes over as humorous!

A couple I used to know dealt with these comments by getting to the point: "You're in the garden" -> "Love you too!" It looked very strange from the outside, but made perfect sense.

DH is the companionable silence type. I'm not a fan of it. If I'm not going to get conversation I'd prefer to just be by myself. There's potentially incompatibility there but we noticed these things about each other and came to the relevant compromises before we even moved in together let alone got married.

Our DC left for Uni about a decade ago, and never came back. Well, they did during the holidays and came back to live with us for about 5-6 months, (when their degree finished,) but they wanted their independence from us, and both left home. One went into a flat share with 2 mates, and the other moved in with their partner. This was aged 21-22. They never returned 'home.'

DH worked full time then, and I worked 3 days a week as I have done for about 2 decades. And we had had the DC at home for 21-22 years of course.

Not too long after our DC left for good, we went into the covid lockdowns, and DH was furloughed. SIX MONTHS he was off. March 2020 to September 2020. And then he was furloughed AGAIN from January 2021 to July 2021. ANOTHER SIX MONTHS!!! He drove me absolutely fucking batshit. He was just there all the time, always hanging around me, asking questions, following me around from room to room, commenting on everything, waking early, going to bed late, I had no reprieve.

It was just him and me and no kids at home. It was quite stressful for me. He loved it though, and wished he never had to go back to work. He kept thinking of ways he could stop working and never go back, and wished he could retire in his early to mid 50s!

He thought it would be perfect if we were together 24/7! I actually said 'I would not cope if we were together all the time!' He said why?' with a sad face. >>>>>> I said 'familiarity breeds contempt. I wouldn't want to be with ANYone 24/7, it would drive me out of my mind!' I also said 'where is your money coming from for the next 13-14 years if you retire?!' He said 'we would cope.' I said 'no, we bloody wouldn't!!!' Thankfully, he went back!!!

I was not furloughed, as I could work from home, and it became so difficult having him at home, that I had to shut myself in my bedroom to work, as he couldn't stop himself talking, and asking questions because he was so bored, and he never saw or spoke to anyone else. (We've had separate bedrooms since 10 years into our marriage because of his snoring...) I also had to go to my room to watch anything I wanted on TV in peace, and pretended I was going to bed at 9pm. I don't know how I would have coped if I didn't have my own bedroom. (And our garden.)

For the last few years - even when he was working 5 days a week, he's not had any friends and zero hobbies and his world is very small. (He now works 9.30am to 4pm, 3 days one week/4 days the next-he went part time after covid.) He has a couple of work colleagues who he gets on with OK, but that's it. No friends, no social life, no other family except me and our 2 DC. So he depends on me emotionally and it can be exhausting some days.

I am dreading him retiring. He will literally never leave the house. I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it! I can see myself spending quite a lot of time away from the house!

So, for example, come out of the bathroom and preempt his comments by saying ‘wow, that was a lovely shit’?

More or less 😂

There are alternatives:
What're you up to?
Hot, isn't it!
Is there any coffee on?
I was just reading that ...
You look happy/tired/busy.
Can you remember where the XYZ is?
Hiya.
All right?
Have we got time for a sandwich?

The possibilities are endless.

Why did this make me nearly PMSL! 😆

I had a friend at Senior school who's older brother and sister were also at the same school.
During the day moving from class to class we would see them occasionally. They would never acknowledge her..there was no word of greeting..not even a ,' are you alright ' .
She said it was because they see each other at home so no need to speak during the day..They would totally ignore her.

It all sounds quite normal to me to want to interact with your partner through the day while you are both at home doing whatever you are doing. Maybe it a you issue.

I would just tell him to shut up and I don’t need all the questions thanks😂

Asking silly questions to what is obvious? If that’s interaction then I’m glad to be single😊

Begin by asking your husband if he thinks you are a miserable old cow (it's good to know if he suspects).

Maybe suggest getting a dog for his birthday?

He is trying to engage and connect with his wife, she needs to tell him how she likes that to happen and what’s ok and not ok for her. Whats the bet there hasn’t been a conversation at all. But absolutely agree, I much prefer being single TBH.

That constant unessasary chat would drive me nuts.
When you've been in the shower and he says all clean, just say no I decided to just stand there instead!! How irritating

Its a wierd sort of narrating of life stating the bloody obvious
He would be told ...

I sort of get the siblings who dont speak at school
Its similar at work, we greet each other and then thats it for 95% of the office unless they are in your team
It would be odd.
Hello, hello, hello all day
I would call it comfortable silence

Weird not to.

My husband is the opposite of your partner. We will greet each other first thing in the morning, but after that, it's quite usual for him to come into the kitchen, make himself a drink, and not even look at me, never mind speak to me. Life has been like this for a long time. He is a bit odd I daresay, lol, isn't interested in chit chat or gossip, boring old fart, and as he gets older, he gets worse. So, count yourself lucky xx

Oh lord, this is so familiar to me ! Almost all interactions with my in-laws - and my husband does the same thing as yours! Drives me up the wall at times - when I'm a little short on patience. We've been together 30 odd years, so you'd have thought I'd be used to it by now 😂