AIBU to be mildly annoyed when greeted in my own home throughout the day?

[Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice]

DH and I are normally a very close and loving couple but very different in this respect and I find myself irritated at times.

I greet him (very warmly and affectionately) first thing in the morning if we've woken up separately, or if one of us comes home from being out.

He has to verbally acknowledge me literally every single time our paths cross in the house. If one of appears up or down the stairs. If one of us comes out of the bathroom and encounters the other. When one comes inside from the garden. It's most often accompanied by a banal and rhetorical question; Watching TV? All finished? All clean? Minding your own fucking business? (OK, I made that last one up.)

Do you do this?
If you don't, would you find it annoying?

I’d find this very irritating as well OP! You are not alone.

You sound very irritable tbh!

Walking past you and not acknowledging you would be far worse (in my view) it’s very pointed.

We’re the opposite. DH disappears and doesn’t return and he’s set up somewhere doing some involved thing. Walks past me without eye contact. Honestly I might as well be furniture.

I’ve more or less copied him recently and he’s started turning up and hovering slightly anxiously while I continue to take no notice. I’m pleased he’s starting to realise that there is social oil that makes relationships work, and it’s his turn to do it.

Genuinely, when we had a dog, DS and DH were more socially competent with the dog than with people.

I agree this can be annoying if it happens too often. I deal with it by giving stupid answers back. I'm sitting on the sofa, "watching TV? "No I'm baking a cake." Putting the hoover back in the cupboard "All finished?" "No I'm still upstairs cleaning the bedrooms." DH finds my answers as irritating as I find his questions so it stops it at least for a while.

So banal and irritating - it would drive me mad too. If my husband asks stupid questions he gets treated to stupid answers so maybe try that?

Mine can be like that, he has an inner dialogue going on which often escapes....

My ex used to do this, but it was always “are you alright/how are you doing” I wouldn’t have minded the odd one but it was literally every time I came in. So I could have been sat with him for hours then popped to the toilet or kitchen for 10 seconds. Life is about balance, too much or little of anything isn’t good.

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice I've just read your follow up with the obvious questions which are always answered yes ' Sat down? ' yes' and my mum does this ! It's a bid for connection, and it does feel irritating I agree. Have you tried speaking to him first to ward it off?

These sound like very typical and common interactions, the fact that you get so irritated with your husband for acknowledging you and speaking to you suggests you really don’t like him. Living your day in near silence and only greeting eachother in the morning if you have slept separately is very strange.

I think both DH and I do this. It’s really interesting to hear it described as ‘bids for connection’, which can be accepted or rejected. Probably we each accept some (and respond happily) and reject or get irritated by others (and snap / ignore / respond sarcastically). There will be times when you are open to reconnecting with your partner, and times when you just want to be left in your own head and not interrupted.

i would hazard a guess that someone making constant attempts to connect is feeling insecure? My FIL does this all the time, and also the narrating of every little action or thought that passes through his head. He a very insecure and anxious person, and looking for constant reassurance - both that he’s doing the right thing and that people love and care for him.

I understand this could get annoying OP. Of course it’s possible to be annoyed by the ones you love without wanting the relationship to end so just disregard such advice. :) I do think it’s lovely your husband is so keen to engage with you that he will come out with the most trivial rubbish. 😂 My husband is the silent type who doesn’t speak unless it’s necessary- I’m an extrovert so do struggle with this at times. I’d love him to engage in trivial chitchat once in a while and sometimes I find myself trying to get him to talk - it’s a bit lonely to be in the same room as someone who doesn’t want to engage. Maybe that’s why your husband does this?

Oh look, a psychologist has entered the chat.
OP has tried to clarify and add further information because of ill thought out comments.
It's just something that irks her, and we all have our little things that drive us mad we are only human.......

I totally get this, my DH's favourite is to come into the room and say 'what's going on' - I want to reply 'what the fuck does it look likes going on'

usually I'm just cleaning something and it's obvious 'what's going on'

but then i'm peri-meno and have no patience for anyone or anything 😅

It's completely normal for some people. My DH has a habit asking me if I am too warm or too cold and suggesting adjustments to my clothes! I have to remind him I am over 12. But he's only showing interest.

I have to say that FILs constant pronouncements are profoundly irritating (for me and everyone else as far as i can tell from the strained smiles / frosty looks) . You can’t walk into a room or round a corner without him proclaiming ‘oh here, it’s Woffle! How are you my dear?’ Even if you’ve just been for a pee 🙄 Every single time.

I would be SO HAPPY if DH did this. It's just friendly and companionable and shows he cares and is interested.

I'd try to see it in that light, and appreciate what you have.

I can barely get a grunt out of my DH, he walks around with a thundercloud over his head most of this time.

Poor man. You sound difficult to live with. It is normal everyday interaction between a couple.

But it sounds like it's many, many times throughout each day rather than just every day.

Are you possibly just together too much ? You call yourself old, are you retired? I know myself and knew 24/7 just round the house would do my head in when he retired. We have settled over the last 18 months in to a way of living that suits us both. When at home I have my voluntary work so I’m out doing it about 15 hours a week over 3 days. When we are travelling together it’s together 24/7 but that feels very different. We will hopefully now have six months of each every year for as long as possible.

Yes. This is what DH does. Verbalises every inane passing thought that goes through his head.

I don't know if he understands that other people have lots of thoughts they don't verbalise

This is the approach I take with my husband. He usually laughs and calls me a piss taker.

We've been married for 40 years, so I suppose I'm generally immune to the inane questions, but occasionally I'll snap 😄

Have you been together long? Enjoy your lovely engaging husband while you can, soon enough he'll only acknowledge your existence when he can't find his pants socks, own ass with a map, etcetera.

I would echo @Ooofbananas observation here. These sorts of "meaningless" interactions oil the gears of an ongoing relationship. You don't have to respond to his questions with a monosyllabic yes or no. Why not turn around and give him a hug sometimes instead? Or pre-empt his question, with a gesture or some words of acknowledgement of your own. It's certainly not going to end your marriage were you to tell your DH that you're getting annoyed by questions, but you do risk him then not acknowledging you're sharing his space and life.

I'm also not a talk for the sake of talking kind of person.

But we do acknowledge each other in that situation, though not back from the toilet, that needs no questions!

I think I may stray into the stupid question areana without realising occasionally because I do understand acknowledging each other like that is important. Mainly we just say 'alright?', 'all good?'. I think it's coming from a good place, so if you want to address that or not is up to you.