AIBU to be mildly annoyed when greeted in my own home throughout the day?

[Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice]

DH and I are normally a very close and loving couple but very different in this respect and I find myself irritated at times.

I greet him (very warmly and affectionately) first thing in the morning if we've woken up separately, or if one of us comes home from being out.

He has to verbally acknowledge me literally every single time our paths cross in the house. If one of appears up or down the stairs. If one of us comes out of the bathroom and encounters the other. When one comes inside from the garden. It's most often accompanied by a banal and rhetorical question; Watching TV? All finished? All clean? Minding your own fucking business? (OK, I made that last one up.)

Do you do this?
If you don't, would you find it annoying?

I would find this draining and annoying too op.
Me and my DH don't really likebsmall talk. We happily exist in the same space without commenting.

We do talk, we have proper conversations and chats about all sorts, but not the pointless little comments and running commentary on each other's day.

My DM is the opposite, much like your DH and it drives me insane. She seems to comment on every single movement and breath. Utterly exhausting.

When I'm wfh I tell people not to talk to me until my lunch break as it ruins my concentration and focus. Can you say something like that?

Is it that it just feels repetitive and it's not about your DH specifically? Because I get like that at times and need some alone time to recharge.
DD1 (8) is the worst offender though bless her - Are you making lunch? Are you watching TV? Are you texting someone? Did you just get the post? Are you going upstairs to have a wash?

Sometimes we just need some quiet time for ourselves - cinema alone (okay not that quiet but still), cafe mornings, walking around a museum by yourself etc.

Why not turn around and give him a hug sometimes instead?

Or just affectionately squeeze his cheeks, while screaming.

You want a marriage where you just ignore each other? Unless something meaningful is to be said. No normal interactions?

Id really think about what you’re asking for here and if it’s really whay you wish.

I must admit, if DH was in the habit of asking me how my loo visits went, I'd ask him why he needs to know.

I'm so glad I'm not alone in being irritated by this! I love my DP dearly but his incessant greeting/questioning/commenting drives me crazy.

Saying hello every time he sees me even if I've only left the room for 2 minutes to pee. The 'asking if I'm doing something that it's bloody obvious I'm doing' like washing up or hoovering or having a shower. "What are you doing now?" always makes me want to snap back "minding my own business, maybe you should try it".

I am and always have been fiercely independent and happier doing things alone. He sees everything as a joint affair. Neither of us are wrong so I try very hard to be patient but inside it drives me bonkers. We've lived together for 13 years, I don't think it's mad to spend time quietly alone in different parts of the house without having to give him a detailed itinerary of my plans!

We had the same for a bit... combination of (my) menopause and (him) working from home.
When you don't speak face to face with ANYONE else, any connection is relished. But if you are peri/menopausal, my god even people you love dearly can get on your nerves.
Was a perfect storm, but we weathered it.

What is happening inside your head when this happens @Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice ?

I am always thinking about something in my head or solving some problem or planning something that’s coming up or thinking back over something that happened. So when DH asks me something inane it’s like an interruption to my thoughts. I have to go back to the beginning of whatever thought process was happening which wastes time and I absolutely hate inefficiency. Plus my memory is not as good as it was so I often forget and miss things.

Also, I’m hyper vigilant so I have almost always noticed the thing that DH is commenting on before he mentions it. I realise though that it’s my issue and I shouldn’t take it out on him. I mostly make a noise or smile in response and try to make sure I find ways to show interest in him at other times.

Yes you’ve definitely got a short fuse! It’s just normal interaction he’s showing. Your responses to posts reveal your irritability. Counselling?

Apparently I'm your DH @Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice 😬

Out of interest what would you prefer your DH to do when you see each other? Ignore you, nod his head in greeting or ?

I think it would be more unusual not to acknowledge the other person

This. Dh and I are retired, and when both at home potter around doing our own things generally. Neither of us would walk through a room, or past each other without saying something. Like 'how's it going?" or 'heard anything about x yet?' or 'when you have a minute can you help me do x?' Maybe it's because there is generally always something to say. A question to be asked. Info to share.
But to walk in to and out of a room without saying anything would be odd for us.

I have a work colleague who says hello every time he walks past, which is multiple times a day, often minutes apart. I too find this sort of thing irritating. I once ended a relationship because he continually kept saying ' penny for your thoughts?' whenever I was just being quiet. He saw it as being caring and attentive, I found it beyond irritating which then led to us splitting up eventually.

😆 This made me laugh so much.

I come in with an empty washing basket - all hung out?

This is very familiar. My husband always says "You should have asked me. I would have done that" He likes busying outdoors 🙂

Banal comments would drive me mad. My motto is: If you don't want a sarcastic answer, don't ask a stupid question! But, hey, that's me. If they were asking anything for a reason, I'd be okay with that. Would you like a cup of tea? Or is your friend any better? Are genuine type of enquiries/comments wouldn't bother me at all.

My old dad used to say, “ask a silly question get a silly answer“.
so maybe when he asks you a silly question you could say something silly back.
make a joke out of it… There are a lot of silly comments you could make when he asks, all Clean? No, I decided not to do my ears today.
you can be creative!

I remember being a teenager, and feeling annoyed with my younger brother doing the rounds saying "good night" to everybody: I wanted my privacy. I eventually told him, as tactfully as I could, that I didn't want him coming into my bedroom to do this.

Some people value this kind of interaction: others don't. You need to communicate about it. I actually get annoyed when people say "bless you" if I sneeze; it's another part of the "chore" of sneezing, and feeling I have to respond.

With my partner, I made a point telling him to get my attention before telling me something.

I'd feel the same way as you. DH doesn't really do this, but his father does so anytime we're with them it's just like a constant running commentary of what's happening. In his case usually followed by a little chortle. We go away with them quite often and I have to mentally prepare myself to make sure I don't snap at him because I know he's not doing anything wrong, I just find it highly irritating.

😂😅😂👍 so funny!

I totally see your point. My DH will come home from work and ask what I’m doing. It’s fucking obvious what I’m doing. You’ve got two eyes, you can see what I’m doing. 😄 It’s just their way of acknowledging us. It just happens to be quite annoying.

I usually say "hi" or if I have my mouth full I might smile, but that's the limit. f I'm on the phone or focused on something he gets ignored. Stupid questions get an implausible answer: "What are you doing?" "Playing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony on the bagpipes; you?" "Dancing the Mazurka naked with a Siberian tiger." (Of course, this won't work if you are actually doing one of these things.)

If that's your response, then it probably is time to re-evaluate the longevity of the relationship.

Oh hell no. That would drive me mental. I think you should kindly tell him that you don’t enjoy that level of chat. Thankfully my DH and I are the same in this respect. If we haven’t seen each other for a few hours we’ll greet each other, have a little chat but not every time we encounter each other in the house. And never before I’ve had my coffee….

I don't think so!

I’d probably give sarcastic replies tbf.

‘all hung out?’ - no I threw it on the grass
‘all clean?’ - no I just watched the water

etc

But I’m a cow