AIBU to be mildly annoyed when greeted in my own home throughout the day?

[Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice]

DH and I are normally a very close and loving couple but very different in this respect and I find myself irritated at times.

I greet him (very warmly and affectionately) first thing in the morning if we've woken up separately, or if one of us comes home from being out.

He has to verbally acknowledge me literally every single time our paths cross in the house. If one of appears up or down the stairs. If one of us comes out of the bathroom and encounters the other. When one comes inside from the garden. It's most often accompanied by a banal and rhetorical question; Watching TV? All finished? All clean? Minding your own fucking business? (OK, I made that last one up.)

Do you do this?
If you don't, would you find it annoying?

I had a suspicion that I was just being an irritable old cow and I love him and don't want to cause offence over trivial things.

You are. Sorry but as PP have said, these are small ways he's trying to engage you. I suspect the questions are because you arent very communicative with him so he's trying to connect with you.

If it bothers you that much and you'd prefer to walk around your house in complete silence not acknowledging each other then tell him that.

I agree it is very irritating!
I'm carrying the hoover down the stairs...my DH 'finished the hoovering?'
I take the rubbish bag out....my DH 'emptying the rubbish?'
Apart from snapping 'what do you think I'm doing?' I try to just nod to keep the peace!

“All good?” when you come out of the toilet is a bit much 😁

It’s clearly a habit he’s got himself into just to acknowledge you in some way.

You love him and it’s already annoying you so I would probably gently raise it with him. Tell him that you’d prefer a smile or a kiss or touch of the arm or a genuine question about how your morning is going, whatever, anything but the pointless questions. It might open a conversation of things he might like you to change.

My Mum does this. She will see me doing the washing up for example and say ‘ oh doing the washing up?’ Or ask me what I’m doing when it’s a) obvious b) not something worth noting. It is irritating but it’s just sort of thing that she has where she has to fill any silence I think. She doesn’t understand that not all silences are uncomfortable so she will comment on everything that happens.

My DP does this sort of thing. I love him dearly but it's just so inane. He has a habit of saying almost everything he thinks, so talks to himself and the furniture quite a lot too.

"Right then, let's get the telly on, no not that button you dickhead. Where's the app gone? Oh there it is. Right. That'll do." It makes me want to jump high into the air and helicopter kick him through a window.

I understand what you are saying the you must hate him posters out in force though

When DH had some time off work, surgery and recuperating but not ill, he was THERE in a way he hadnt been before and omg the constant " herding" me
Constant- Are you ok x 1000, what are you doing, what are you eating, watching, doing ,where are you going, what time are you going, havent you gone yet, are you running, what time, how far?"
Grrrrr I told him VERY firmly he was to assume I was ok after I have replied that Im fine once , that I knew exactly what I was doing and would tell him once.

He stopped doing it thank god

🤣

Mine does it and I HATE it. I always think it’s because he’s usually doing sweet FA and I’m busy and he doesn't know how to deal with that.

I would find this irritating.

You're in the middle of doing things and he’s interrupting with banalities, demanding you pause and respond to - nothing really.

To me, there are social spaces in the house that you’d come into when you’ve finished an activity and are seeking / open to company. You go and find someone if you need something from them but you don’t interrupt them for no reason.

OMG “What are you eating?” It drives me mad!!

Well if it looks like toast and smells like toast then it’s probably toast you moron!!!!

I think mine was doing it because he missed work and telling people what to do

I get bids for connection but they need to be appropriate not repeating the same thing or overbearing
I can manage myself , I dont need herding about my daily life

No I wouldn't find it annoying because it's such a minor thing.

Sounds to me like you just don't like him and find him irritating, full stop.

Yeah I get this. DP has screen breaks every half hour or so and tends to wander through the house looking for little chats. I do accept it’s me being a mardy cow though, and that it’s bids for connection as many have said. And I know I’d worry if it stopped!

My biggest problem with it is that he breaks my flow when I’m trying to concentrate on something, so I close the door to my office if I know an interruption is going to annoy me for any reason, and he respects that. My kids are grown up now, but when they’re home the same goes for them - this isn’t just a DP thing, there are plenty of times when I don’t want to have a little chat with anyone.

I’m definitely an introvert, but I try to bear in mind that there’s a reason I ended up with someone who isn’t. DP’s talent for human connection has a huge positive impact on my life overall. And I don’t doubt I do sucky/irritating things too.

If my OH asked me something as banal as ‘All clean?’ upon my leaving the shower, he’d feel the full force of my caustic wit casual teasing. Or I’d just stare at him menacingly.

But he likes it like that. I suppose it’s our humour.

DH proudly tells me that's his third 💩 of the day.

I usually say a patronising "well done you"😂

I disagree. We don't do this. We don't acknowledge each other generally other than with a smile or to offer a cup of tea etc. If we were just walking past each other we wouldn't comment to each other. I would find it irritating too and strangely formal- like the sort of thing you do with a work colleague you barely know where you feel you have to acknowledge them otherwise its awkward.

You do sound irritable here. People don't ask what you are up to because they can't see or don't know, they ask to take an interest in you. Everyone has different preferences around communication style and interactions so you don't have to decide who is right and who is wrong to talk about those differences. If it irritates you this much then it's worth asking yourself why. Why does your partner talking to you irritate you so much. Is it because you are busy and don't want to be interrupted? Is it because it requires something of you (to answer). Work out what you need and then have that kind of conversation with your dh eg 'in the day time when I am busy I sometimes need a bit of space so don't get upset if I am a bit non responsive to you'. Or whatever it is that you actually need.

This is very typical of people with ADHD. Have you ever considered this or been assessed?

I come out of the toilet - all good?

My advice: secretly make a small lump of fake poo out of brown plasticine. When you come out of the bog and he says, "All good?", show him it in your hand and ask "What do you think, does it look OK?"

We do the 'all right?' in a mumbled way, with an 'mmm' as a response - unless it is a 'I'm putting the kettle on if you want a drink' or something of lesser import. Feels wrong to say nothing.

Hahahaha! Love this. I feel the same but couldnt have expressed it as well 😂

My husband's dead, please appreciate yours greeting you 💕

Nit picking op.

Are you spending too much time together?

Better to say something than nothing, if he walked past without a word I would think something was wrong. Although my DH would probably say what he was doing or about to do rather than ask what I'm doing. Is that worse?

I get it OP, you feel like you are talking to Ned Flanders..... Okily-dokily!!

I quelled mine doing it so much by giving a thumbs up to the rhetorical questions or slightly sarcastic responses in an amusing way to make him see that saying 'All clean'?, when I've just spent an hour in the bath an washing my hair was pointless. I'd respond with a laugh and saying well yes, I wasn't bathing in mud or that water n soap weren't doing their job so well if I wasn't etc, but I was nice about it....