To ask ds to ask his gf to dress appropriately?

[Daisypod]

We are going to a national trust place soon and ds has asked if his relatively new gf can come. I’m fine with that but she does tend to wear very revealing clothing (skirts only covering half her bum!)
Would I be unreasonable to ask for her to dress a little more conservatively for the day? If so how would you say it?
I really try to not judge others clothing choices but honestly I think showing this much is a bit much for a family day out.

My DD 17 dresses quite conservatively but even she wears these tiny skorts that the lasses are wearing this year. She loves a NT visit, we’ve been to NTs, Hampton Court, Tower of London in recent months and no one seemed to care that she was wearing a short skirt.

as for the suspenders look - sounds very 1980s Madonna and was something I did back then, this is not new.

You might not be unreasonable here but this is a situation you can't win. Your son and his GF will take offence and you will be the bad guy.

That’s got to be bollocks, no one would wear that in front of their boyfriend’s parents! Mini skirt sure but the stockings and suspenders no way…

You can’t enjoy a walk around a garden and a coffee if you like to wear mini skirts?

What a load of waffle. No, I don't think I'm special for liking revealing clothes and having interests, as many, many people are the same. You seem to have a hard time wrapping your head around the fact that women can dress whichever way they like and still have an interest in anything. It does not make it "less likely" in the slightest. That's just your own internalised misogyny speaking.

Also, it is not suggested anywhere that OPs son's gf would even dress in a mini skirt to go to this day out. I don't wear a mini dress to go hiking. The problem is you thinking that because she chooses to dress in a certain way that she is therefore braindead and only cares about how she looks and her only interests must be limited to social media and boys.

I'd argue that, ironically, it's you who thinks they're special for dressing like a Mormon and acting like a pick me. "I don't wear mini skirts and I like nature, I'm so much better than all of the other girls" 🫪 just say you hate women, it's already obvious. Yawn

don't think you should be accusing anyone of waffle because the piece above is screaming out for maple syrup.
Yes anyone can wear anything they like, but they do not have the right to make people they are with feel uncomfortable- the OP has only ever seen this girl in revealing clothing, so the fear she would wear it for a family day out is reasonable, and a problem.
Going to idea someone hates women just because they object ti you doing whatever you klike with a disregard for everyone around you is lazy, stupid and self-serving.

Since when has national trust had a dress code? Who made you the fashion police. Yabu, you dont get to decide whats appropriate and make someone else feel uncomfortable

But I feel uncomfortable with male or female bum cheeks, fine at the beach or club but not Tesco’s.

My now husband once asked me this when we went to meet his grandparents. No idea what what he was expecting as I’m a jeans and t shirt person anyway 😂

I noticed that too. Wondered which half…..

Yes, sometines you just have to leave people to it - but they must be extremely oblivious if they don't notice all of the raised eyebrows and people commenting to their friends about it, everywhere they go apart from the night club.

Or maybe they do and they just like to shock people and make them feel uncomfortable - and then berate them for 'slut-shaming' if they say anything about it? I don't believe that all of them are just blissfully unaware and not doing it deliberately because they want a reaction and like the attention.

It's common sense and basic social awareness for the vast majority of people over the age of 6.

The NT also don't publish a code telling you not to run through the house slapping the paintings and tapestries with a wet mackerel whilst singing Knees Up Mother Brown at top volume; but that doesn't mean they'd welcome you doing it.

The description of the girl’s outfit sounds like some kind of pervy fantasy. 🤢

I take it from your post that they are 18+ , if so it’s up to her what she wears just as it’s your choice what to wear

I agree with other posters that if I was doing a picnic I would perhaps say to her (or my son if you won’t see her in time) please tell your gf that we are having a picnic/ doing a 5k hike / going out in a boat so she knows what you are doing on the trip and bears that in mind

Her outfit sounds gross but I don't think it's your place to say so

I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and say it's the g string and suspenders

Why would a presumably teenage/early 20s man not be attracted to his girlfriend in a short skirt?

Are you for real? There have always been people who choose to dress differently from the 'mainstream' - goth, emo, punk - why should people have to conform because some middle aged women on the Internet think 'social convention' is the be all and end all. Reality check: it isn't to.some people and thats ok.

Your post is ridiculous - behaving in a way that would damage the displays and art is obviously not appropriate and in fact there are often signs about not touching or taking flash photographs for example. How someone dresses does absolutely no harm at all, except perhaps to the delicate sensibilities of those who are offended by what someone else is wearing. Get a grip!

Absolutely agree to let her know what you will be doing - outdoors, hiking etc so ahe can bring appropriate footwear but telling another adult what to wear - definitely unreasonable imo

There's 'not conforming' to social norms and then there's deciding to completely ignore basic social minimums. Are you really saying that if a man/bunch of men decided to identify as part of some kind of group which walks around everywhere naked - or maybe with a sock over their genitals but nothing else - the only people who would object would be the stuffy fuddy-duddies who bore on about social conventions and want to control what other people wear?

You can identify however you like, but that doesn't automatically mean that other people have no right to basic respect. How do you feel about people who 'identify' as shoplifters and follow their own conventions about obtaining food and other provisions without paying for them, rather than via the way that 'normal convention' suggests that you should?

My comments about the mackerel were very obviously hyperbolic - to point out that some undesirable behaviours are not covered by codes or rules, because it's assumed that people know perfectly well not to do it already. If you want a less hyperbolic example, they don't put up signs in their car parks telling visitors to only use one space, as marked out, and not to abandon their cars diagonally across 6 spaces - because again, it's very obvious what everybody is (and is not) supposed to do.

What is the point of all these oblique references to behaviour that are obviously unacceptable and bear no relation to the post.

Shoplifting is illegal, men walking around wearing only socks on the bits is not the same at all as a young girl dressing how she feels comfortable. Personally I have no problem with people harmlessly expressing themselves through fashion, thats what this thread is about and the OP has already said she is not going to say anything. Obviously the other nonsense you reference is not the same thing and I am not going to engage any further nonsense about behaviour that has absolutely nothing to do with this thread.

Men do quite frequently walk around with their arse cracks out, it was fashionable for years for men to wear their trousers below their arse.

Wearing a short skirt is very different to just a sock over your dick, or shoplifting or infact any form of antisocial behaviour youve listed. And whilst it's not an outfit I would chose to wear, your boyfriends mother criticising your clothes is never going to go down well. Never mind the fact we don't even know if this girl is planning on wearing a similar outfit for the daytrip!

Yabu to ask her to cover up if she doesn't want to or to ask him to ask her to. You don't have to like how she dresses but imagine if she started dictating what you can or cannot wear.

Of course YANBU. You know when going out you dress appropriately. Women seem to have a desire to flash their bits to the world when going out. Dress risque and then claim "oh dear why are you looking I'm doing it for myself". Standards are a thing. You can't just wear whatever you want.

Builders bums were never fashionable & the hip hop influence of trousers under the bum always involved pants, bum cheeks were not part of the look.

Don’t. Leave her be. 🙄

I didn't say it was fashionable to have a builders bum, I said it was a frequent occurance