To ask ds to ask his gf to dress appropriately?

[Daisypod]

We are going to a national trust place soon and ds has asked if his relatively new gf can come. I’m fine with that but she does tend to wear very revealing clothing (skirts only covering half her bum!)
Would I be unreasonable to ask for her to dress a little more conservatively for the day? If so how would you say it?
I really try to not judge others clothing choices but honestly I think showing this much is a bit much for a family day out.

I wish young girls didn’t feel like they need to dress like hookers but it seems it’s a thing in the UK. I was in France recently and didn’t see any girls there dressed like this. It’s such a cheap
look.

However nothing good can come from you getting involved, hopefully she will come to realise by herself.

I see it regularly, it is a trend amongst young women and I live near a college. I’m not bothered by short skirts and wore them myself but skirts/shirts so short you can see the knicker gusset at the front and cheeks at the back are not appropriate imo on men or women. It also looks stupid from a fashion point of view.

The way you dress can tell a lot about your values and what's important to you.

Only to judgemental people with a stick up their arse.

My DD18 wears v short skirts & tiny shorts. It's the fashion - all over tiktok. Her bf loves the way she dresses. (I haven't come across the stockings & suspenders in the wild though, I must say.)
Most of the tiny skirts are actually skorts - but I think the shorts part does ride right up and can look like a thong.
Definitely don't say anything to her. My DD would call it slut-shaming and that is not viewed positively.

It’s entirely up to her what she wears. It would be kind, however, to make sure she knows that there’s quite a lot of walking on uneven ground, that you’ll probably sit on stones, walls, tree stumps, and the grass. Practical clothes and perhaps a cover up or good sunscreen wouldn’t be sensible.

Lets hope the stick up the arse is hidden by a maxi skirt.

Why does young women’s fashion have to be so revealing though? Why aren’t young men showing their bum cheeks?

Jeans aren’t usually considered great clothing for doing longish walks in.

op I agree with the others, this is not a situation where you can say anything.

Lets not be judgemental about people with a stick up their arse

No. It is not your place to feel embarrassed or shame on her behalf.
They aren’t young forever.

Poor girl. Someone should warn her before she ends up with the judgemental MIL from hell who wants to tell her what to wear.

i noticed kids walking home after sports day. Girls had skirts that barely covered their bums. The boys had shirts down to their knees. Why do we accept this?

Loads of women dress like this in France. I’m sure if I went on holiday in the UK I could regale the same tale to those back home.

I’ve not met many hookers recently, but I don’t think they dress like that. I can remember the atrocities I used to wear when I was young! Luckily none of my boyfriends mothers tried to police what I wore!

I understand what you mean op but I don’t think there’s any way to say it without it causes a rift between you.

there’s an in-law of mine that dresses very inappropriately (prostitute/brothel type clothing) and even dressed like that to a funeral.

people stare and talk about her but nobody says anything to her

You sound awful. And you are on course to drive your son away.

I understand but you’re absolutely in the wrong position to say anything. If it were my own daughter I’d risk it but you really can’t if it’s your son’s girlfriend.

I had very questionable taste at 19. My in-laws and then boyfriend never said a word to me about it. Now we’ve been married 20+ years with two kids and live in the suburbs. Outside a penchant for rainbow coloured dresses and docs I’m insanely boring 😂. I’d just let it go and ignore it - the more fuss the longer it will last!

I didn't say it's impossible, I said it's less likely. Revealing clothing is not appropriate on a family day out.
I used to have a friend that liked bareback riding naked,the fact she liked it didn't make it appropriate.
You seem to think having interests and liking revealing clothing makes you special in some way, it doesn't- the discomfort of the rest of the family on the trip is more important than the GF's self image, but tackling clothing choices head on is hurtful so I was suggesting a kinder approach, both for the GF and the family.

On the underground in London the other day, where great outfits abound...with 13 year old granddaughter. Opposite young woman who had on the bottom pants that were riding up quite a bit and suspenders and stocking.
Now I know not to clothes shame, but my granddaughter looked like she wanted to say something. Luckily she's at the cute stage where they love Japanese fashion which is mercifully modest.

I understand your pov. However, to not make any suggestion and have someone feel uncomfortable is also not appropriate. I'm very active outdoors and would always suggest appropriate clothing if someone was coming along who might not have experience.

I've seen people on trails in sandals and skirts, getting hurt feet because no one told them to bring leggings, socks and trainers, for example. I get that OP just doesn't like how the GF dresses, but equally, a change of clothes might be a good idea. Iyswim

If the OP is the instigater and organiser of the trip I don't see why she shouldn't request that the gf dresses 'a little more conservatively', making it clear that this is simply because she, the OP, is a bit on the prim side and would feel uncomfortable with the gf's usual style? No judgement of the gf, just a polite request for some reciprocal courtesy and understanding.

Son and gf can have a private eye-roll over his mum's uptightness yet hopefully humour her with good grace. If she gets a suitable opportunity on the day, OP thanks gf for being understanding of her age-related discomfort.

If gf opts to ignore the request, the OP has to practise insouciant acceptance of walking round an NT property with a fashionably, if revealingly, dressed young woman. Hopefully seeing that no-one else bats an eyelid at gf encourages OP to relax a bit and accept 2026 mores.

Of course, nobody should be controlling other people; but if people don't understand the basics of appropriate dressing in public, I don't think they can be surprised when people inform them. It's perfectly possible to choose clothes that may not cover a lot, but do at least cover the absolute basics that are the reason for people bothering to wear clothes in the first place.

And when I say the absolute basics, I'm talking about the parts that we even teach little children should always be kept covered unless somebody is helping you to go to the toilet or medically.

Saying that women should be entitled to wear whatever they want in public, however outrageous, is all well and good; but what about the great many normal people who don't want to see underwear and bare bottoms in public? Why is it all one way, when it comes to choice? What gives people the right to think that they can display their intimate parts to everybody who happens to be nearby, and it's their problem if they don't want to see private parts?

Not one of the people saying "Women should wear whatever they want and absolutely nobody should vociferously object to it" would express the same opinion if men started going everywhere in public wearing shorts that showed off their pants and/or bum cheeks - and be insistent that nobody should try to control him by deeming his own free choices unacceptable and should just 'not look'.

You haven't been out for a while then. I've seen this look.

Next year girls will be wearing nothing but thongs and nipple shields and people will be saying "Well it's her choice."

That said, as far as the original question goes, OP can't say anything. She must simply let GF get on with making a show of herself.

"Not one of the people saying "Women should wear whatever they want and absolutely nobody should vociferously object to it" would express the same opinion if men started going everywhere in public wearing shorts that showed off their pants and/or bum cheeks"

Agreed. I see men wearing saggy trousers that show off their hairy bum cracks far more often than I would like.

The question is, if my daughter had a new boyfriend, and he was planning to go to our family do wearing saggy trousers that showed off his underwear and his hairy bum crack, would I ask her to say something to him, or just grin and bear it?

if she wore a bhurka, would you also ask her to dress "more appropriately"?

Her style, her choice.