AIBU for refusing to go on a couples' holiday because my partner didn't want my son to come?

[Jackthecool]

I’m a single dad with full custody of my 7-year-old son. His mum isn't in the picture, so it’s always been just the two of us against the world. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and while she gets along great with him, she definitely prefers our "adults-only" time when my mum babysits once a week.
For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. I assumed we’d make it a family trip, but she explicitly asked that my son stay behind with my elderly parents so we could have "romantic, uninterrupted time." Two weeks is way too long for me to leave him, especially since he deals with mild separation anxiety, so I told her I could only manage a 3-day weekend alone, or we’d have to bring him along.
She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday. My family thinks she's being incredibly short-sighted to expect a single parent to abandon their child for a fortnight, but she feels totally rejected. AIBU for digging my heels i
n?

Well I was on long term committed relationships. Can't do much about my daughters dad having to go to the middle east and fight a bloody war can I?

And as for my son's dad, he was an unplanned baby. . So you telling me that because I was pregnant I should've either taken my daughters to live with him ( so 3 kids in a 6ft by 8ft bedroom) or he moved himself and his hoarded junk into my pkace

And even if he did have another parent, he might still suffer being separated from OP for 2 weeks, cos of the separation anxiety. The fact that a hypothetical other parent might still be able to enforce this anyway doesn't mean it wouldn't be bad for the child.

You’ve offered a reasonable alternative and she doesn’t want to take it. I’d be rethinking the relationship if I were you.

Well she’s correct in that you don’t have an identity outside of being a father. Of course you can’t leave your son for 2 weeks. Being a stepparent is not for everyone so no judgement but your girlfriend is dating a fantasy version of you were you don’t have a child. It’s not a sustainable relationship.

When I met my DH, we both had a child each - of similar ages. Yes, our children always come first - we only saw each other 1 night a week in a 1 night child free night for both of us for over a year. However, we still went away for 5 nights and have had regular adult breaks since getting married and having DD together. Whilst 2 weeks is too long, I think 1 week may be a compromise. Adult time is still equally as important - even if the odd holiday every couple of years. Whilst being a parent is the most important and most rewarding thing ever (and you clearly sound an amazing dad), Adult time allows you to connect as a couple as your needs are important too. However, neither me or DH could leave ours for 2 weeks, but for a special occasion, I think 1 week would be ok

Absolutely no way I would leave my 7 yo for two weeks. One week at an absolute push (and even then I don't think I'd want to).
A long weekend is a different matter.

You’re not compatible I would say. I’m a single parent, have been with my partner 11 years and we’ve had one night away alone in that time and definitely not abroad! I can’t imagine asking anyone to leave a child that age for so long (even a week)

Hi you need to tell her to find someone without kids she is asking far too much I’m sure if it was the other way around she would be wanting her dc to go. You need someone who accepts your dc is your priority always. She does sound like a spoiled brat tbh. Tell her to jog on.

Hmm don't count on that Id rather go without my kids if it was with a newish partner. So assuming if she had a kid she'd want it to go is a bit much. Not all mothers hate child free time you know.

This woman is not for you and your son.

Single mom with 2 children 7 and 8. If I was in your situation I would be ending the relationship.

Yeah the more the better, 4 or 5 at once if I can 🤦‍♀️

I’m sure you felt very clever in your reply. 🫣

Anyway for those of us with good comprehension skills, it is obvious what you were saying/implying/indicating etc. But backtracking like you didn’t call him a stupid even indirectly is just ridiculous. But you do you!

You must end this relationship for the sake of your child. He is the most important person here, not her. She isn’t interested in your child and doesn’t even like him.

Your girlfriend wants you but not your son. She's not accepting that you and your son come as a package. She can't have you in her life, without your son, and she resents that fact. There is no way this woman is going to want to be a step-Mum and with her attitude, you shouldn't want her to be either. She wants to be number 1 in your life, and is angry/frustrated that you (rightly) prioritise your son.

You can't leave your 7 year old son with your elderly parents, especially as he has separation anxiety, for 2 weeks. That would be massively unfair on your parents and it would cause your son distress. You have tried to compromise with a long weekend away instead, but that's not good enough.

OP, in my honest opinion, your relationship has come to an end. You can't give your girlfriend what she clearly wants, which is your undivided attention and for her to be your top priority. Your circumstances mean, you can't give her that, and it would be unfair on your son to try.

You sound like a wonderful Dad, who's trying his best. Your girlfriend needs to find a man without children, because she's not cut out to be in a relationship with a man who has. Your son deserves to have a step-Mum who wants him and his Dad.

She doesn't understand because she doesn't have kids.

She will never understand until you start having kids together.

Perhaps the question is, when she has children. would she leave them for fortnight?

If the answer is yes, throw her back...

I can understand someone not wanting a child who is not theirs to go on holiday to celebrate their birthday but you're a single dad with a 7 year old so it doesn't really work does it? It's you're responsibility to tell her this rather than do what she wants at the expense of your parental relationship.

If it was her biological so would she leave him for 2 weeks?

My partner has a milestone birthday this year and we are celebrating with a long weekend city break. Two weeks is definitely family holiday territory. Your GF sounds quite immature.

Not all mothers like leaving their kids for 2 weeks either we all have our way of parenting don’t we.

2 weeks is way to long to be away from your child as their only parent and it’s unfair on your parents and your son too!
maybe it’s time to end the relationship as you both are at different stages in your life? Sorry OP

I have absolutely no idea why you didn’t end it immediately.
shes allowed to want that but there’s no chance you’ll give it to her anytime in the next decade. So you need to let each other go.
I also wouldn’t leave my three year old for 2 weeks and if a man had no clue why and threw a tantrum it would show me he will never be a decent step dad and to end it.

She's selfish and has no consideration for your DS, get rid of her before your DS gets hurt.

If she can't accept you're a family unit by now, she never will. There's no future here, sorry 🙁

Kids should come first, always. She sounds like an out of touch, selfish, immature, horrible person! She needs to go.

I think this is an early flag of incompatibility on both sides. The best thing would be to call it if she won’t compromise…
some ppl enjoy adult only holidays - my cousin leaves her 2 toddlers with her elderly parents and goes on 2Week holidays with her husband halfway across the world. Some ppl like that, as long as both parents are aligned it’s fine.. in this case the divide is really clear and she’s clearly not willing to compromise at all