AIBU for refusing to go on a couples' holiday because my partner didn't want my son to come?

[Jackthecool]

I’m a single dad with full custody of my 7-year-old son. His mum isn't in the picture, so it’s always been just the two of us against the world. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and while she gets along great with him, she definitely prefers our "adults-only" time when my mum babysits once a week.
For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. I assumed we’d make it a family trip, but she explicitly asked that my son stay behind with my elderly parents so we could have "romantic, uninterrupted time." Two weeks is way too long for me to leave him, especially since he deals with mild separation anxiety, so I told her I could only manage a 3-day weekend alone, or we’d have to bring him along.
She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday. My family thinks she's being incredibly short-sighted to expect a single parent to abandon their child for a fortnight, but she feels totally rejected. AIBU for digging my heels i
n?

You are right to prioritise your son. But she's not wrong to have feelings about how she wants to be prioritised; what is wrong is that she is trying to push you to go against your son's needs. It sounds like you aren't compatible I'm afraid. If she wants to be prioritised for her birthday then as you say it's a long weekend max, and then you could also do a two week trip together if she was dead set on that trip. I would worry this isn't the only time she will set this boundary, and that she will expect you to do more and more without your son to meet her needs. Some people always need to be the one who is put first, if she's one of those she is not a suitable stepmother.

Get her gone.

She's selfish, entitled and will never be a good step-parent to your child.

try being single until your child is much much older, OP @Jackthecool

You don’t have a more important identity beyond being a father when they’re that young. Good on you for putting your foot down and setting boundaries

she’s not right for you and your son. She never will be. Cut your losses and find a warmer nicer less selfish woman with more of a sense of family

I know we divorced people carry an immense wish to make things right for our children, but contrary to popular belief, focusing 100% on your child is too much pressure for a child to bear, particularly a single child. If in doubt about what is the best way forward about anything, whether going on holidays for a week or saying yes to a stupidly expensive new toy, always ask yourself the question “if his mum and I were still together, what I would say about this request?”

This is really shit advice

Ascan aside on this thread, I was thinking about something. All you people saying that 7 is too young to be away from you. Especially as a single parent

But what if the childs other parent takes them on holiday for a fortnight? How does tgat compare. After all the child is still away from you that time.

And for all those who bleat " I wouldn't let my ex take them".well you may not get a choice. It's as much his child as yours

She sounds immature and entitled. Two weeks is far too long for both your son and your elderly parents. Actually I wouldn't even want her around my child as you are going to be risking negatively on her part towards him which is going to affect him long after she is gone and could damage him bonding with a partner who is suitable or women in general.

Could you compromise and do a week?

Ultimately though, I don’t think this relationship is going to work. Nobody’s fault, just one of those things.

You're not compatible at all.

She’s sounds immature, and obviously doesn’t want to be any sort of ‘step-mum’ to your lad. She doesn’t understand the needs of children. 2 weeks is far too long to leave a child with separation anxiety for.

You’re his only parent, so, obviously you put him first.

Best ditch her and find someone compatible with your life and that of your son.

@Charmdefensive

why?

Read the post again, he offered that as a compromise, then the girlfriend showed her ass. He didn’t do it afterwards.

reading your posts though, it’s clear you dislike OP and I see no reason other than him having a penis.

I haven’t insulted anyone, unlike you.

Try reading the OP again. He ends with ‘AIBU for digging my heels in?’. Which means if his GF accepted the 3 day weekend, he will go with her and continue this relationship in which his son is unwanted.

This does not bode well for a future with her. I’d end it now.

No reply from @Jackthecool ?

She sounds awful; immature and selfish. What is this milestone birthday? 21?
Either way, this is not the right relationship for you, your parents, her or, even more importantly, your son.

you said the op was stupidly. And you also commented quite sarcastically on another post where they’d commended the OP.

Definitely due to his penis 🤣🫣

Your son needs to come first. You come as a package, if she can’t deal with that then I think you walk away, even if just have a break to see if the distance makes her question how she’s behaving.

DS was 2 when I met DH, it was just me and him against the world! DH was fine with it, then had a wobble so we separated. After a few weeks, he asked for a chat and had decided he could now see what was important so we tentatively tried again.

20 years later and here we are, he’s been the best SD to DS, couldn’t have asked for anything better

This! You’re already allowing for her to dictate that she prefers time without him. If she was the one for you she’d understand implicitly that you couldn’t leave him. Too many “step mothers” do this. It’s not his fault he has one parent and needs you. It will ruin your relationship with your son, and potentially his wellbeing long term to stay in this relationship.

The point is he doesn’t have another parent. You can’t act like he does. He’s additionally vulnerable when his dad isn’t around, and he will feel it. Instead of thinking it would be fine to be away in those circumstances, maybe it’s about having more empathy for the little boy knowing he doesn’t have two loving homes.. just the one he relies on from his dad.

You are doing the right thing by your child

a weekend away is quite long enough - if that’s not good enough for her she’s not good enough for you

I was referring to all those that say they wouldn't let their child go for a fortnight

She's not the one for you, OP.

@Thechaseison71 The usual ideal is to be in a long-term and committed relationship with someone before having children with them (and this includes living together), but I respect that's not what you chose and we are all different I guess.

Can you quote where I said OP was stupid? I said someone would be stupid to continue this relationship.

And you seem obsessed with penises, you keep saying penis in every post.