AIBU for refusing to go on a couples' holiday because my partner didn't want my son to come?

[Jackthecool]

I’m a single dad with full custody of my 7-year-old son. His mum isn't in the picture, so it’s always been just the two of us against the world. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and while she gets along great with him, she definitely prefers our "adults-only" time when my mum babysits once a week.
For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. I assumed we’d make it a family trip, but she explicitly asked that my son stay behind with my elderly parents so we could have "romantic, uninterrupted time." Two weeks is way too long for me to leave him, especially since he deals with mild separation anxiety, so I told her I could only manage a 3-day weekend alone, or we’d have to bring him along.
She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday. My family thinks she's being incredibly short-sighted to expect a single parent to abandon their child for a fortnight, but she feels totally rejected. AIBU for digging my heels i
n?

You’re definitely not wrong. Two weeks is too long and to be honest if she doesn’t understand that you’re probably not compatible. It doesn’t matter that your a single parent most couples that parent together don’t leave their young children for two weeks.

I would think this isn’t the woman for you, end it now for you and your sons sake. She sounds exceedlinky self obsessed and selfish. You’ve offered her a compromise she doesn’t like it, she wants it all her way.

She needs to realise that your son will always be your priority over her as it should be.

Please get rid of her OP. It’s clear you’re a great dad, and she is not interested or ready to be a step mother to your son. It sounds like she tolerates him at best, and he will feel that, even if he can’t put it into words. You’re right that 2 weeks is way too long to be away from a seven year old btw!

Another vote to throw her back and move on. She sounds like a dick.

Your girlfriend sounds immature and you sound like a great Dad

I agree with everyone else

She sounds awful and so egocentric it would give me the ick! She will become resentful and once that happens your boy will suffer.

Throw her back.

As someone whose step parent clearly resented me and DB I say break up with the girlfriend and take your DC to Disney!

Your DS needs to come first. I was a lone parent, we went everywhere together.

Trust your instincts. She’s not right for you. She tolerates your son at best, and you’re a good dad and will rightly put him first for many, many years to come - which she will hate.

You’re completely right of course. Two weeks is far too long and her flounce about it suggests she is too wrapped up in herself to care enough about how your son or you would feel leaving him for that long. Sorry but this one doesn’t sound like future step-mum material…

I agree with you. I’d never leave my kids for that long at that age regardless of
whether I was a single parent or not.

Your girlfriend sounds immature and selfish. She’s with someone who has a child, she needs to accept child comes first.

Get rid of her and find somebody who is happy to accept your son. She's not the right one for you.

Agree with this. You don't want the same things. Not compatible. Best end it now really. It will only lead to conflict all through the relationship and won't be good for your son.

YANBU at all OP.

It's sad but you seem like a great father if you prioritise your child. It's a lot to ask from a GF or BF, but it sound like you are not compatible.

I would have probably compromised, but then I am a mum, and go either a week (not 2) if I had safe family babysitting. The child is 7, old enough to spend time with relative if you trust them.

I can understand that someone doesn't wants a child to tag along on a special holiday. Unless you took a nanny with you, there would be no time at all as a couple. It's bad enough when the kids are both yours, but when she is child-free, it's a lot.

When she has a child of her own, she will realise how bonkers this request was.

Op I say this the kindest way possible but leave her . You are wasting time . Unless you only want casual I would say she is not step mum material and seems jealous of your son . You can do better

As a single parent you don’t have a choice.I wouldn’t go. Neither of you are wrong. Just mismatched. She needs to meet a single man, you’d be probably better suited dating a single parent.
It would be better to end the relationship.

LTB.

After my divorce I had a 7 year old. I got into a new relationship after some time but made it very clear my then 8 year old and I came as a package deal. My DH accepted that completely. The most we had was a week's honeymoon when he was 10 and quite happy to stay with his Aunty and cousins. This lady sounds self absorbed. 2 weeks is too long to leave a 7 year old with no Mum to take him. 3 days should be fine.

You sound like a fab Dad but you and your gf are not on the same page.

If she'd asked for a romantic weekend away I'd have said to go for it if your DS was comfortable staying with our parents.

Two weeks is ridiculous. Both because leaving him for 2 weeks at his age is a lot but also annual leave and school hols are precious and I can't imagine using 10 days pf annual leave and not spending them with my kid.

If she can't see that then I'm not sure your relationship really has a future.

You’re not on the same page. Dump her.

Well she sounds delightful

Your child already has the trauma of not having a mother, he doesn't need a shitty girlfriend wanting rid of him.

Dump the girlfriend, not worth a moment of thought.