AIBU for refusing to go on a couples' holiday because my partner didn't want my son to come?

[Jackthecool]

I’m a single dad with full custody of my 7-year-old son. His mum isn't in the picture, so it’s always been just the two of us against the world. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and while she gets along great with him, she definitely prefers our "adults-only" time when my mum babysits once a week.
For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. I assumed we’d make it a family trip, but she explicitly asked that my son stay behind with my elderly parents so we could have "romantic, uninterrupted time." Two weeks is way too long for me to leave him, especially since he deals with mild separation anxiety, so I told her I could only manage a 3-day weekend alone, or we’d have to bring him along.
She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday. My family thinks she's being incredibly short-sighted to expect a single parent to abandon their child for a fortnight, but she feels totally rejected. AIBU for digging my heels i
n?

No never . We were together for 10 years. He lived 50/50 with us since a baby Now he's an adult and lives with his girlfriend

Dump her, your son will be badly treated and sidelined by this woman especially if you have kids with her. Your son comes first, she knew that he existed when you got together. She can't erase him, if she wants childfree time then she needs to date a single man without kids, not a parent.

@Thechaseison71 And your dad of your daughters? Did he live with you?

End the relationship

For a couple of years He was in the army before that Although not quite sure why that has to do with this as neither of us had kids with other people at the time

Your GF is unreasonable. Your little boy is lucky to have a lovely Dad who has his best interests at heart.

Stick to your guns.

End the relationship. She isn't the one for you

“Bubbles90 · Today 23:56
Red flag. She is not a keeper. Your son is your number 1 priority. He comes first for you. No decent person would expect a parent to leave their child for 2 weeks to go on holiday. She's trying to make you chose between them. To be honest if I was in your shoes I would end the relationship. She will only get worse in her behaviour towards your son.”

This with bells on. And this:

“Worldcuproadshow · Today 00:04
Dump her, your son will be badly treated and sidelined by this woman especially if you have kids with her. Your son comes first, she knew that he existed when you got together. She can't erase him, if she wants childfree time then she needs to date a single man without kids, not a parent.”

You and your son come as a package. She is wrong for you and, honestly, i think she clearly isn’t very bright if she thinks she can date a parent and then complain about their child being around. It would be different if she had suggested 1 or 2 nights away but no right-thinking adult should expect their partner to ditch their child for 2 weeks in order to take the adult away. She sounds selfish, immature and just not very nice.

To be honest the 2 week holiday to a tropical island just because it's a specific birthday would have me heading for the exit, never mind the demand that you dump your kid for a fortnight and the pathetic insults because you won't .

I would be worried how she would treat your son if you ever had kids with her.

She sounds like a selfish brat and not cut out for the relationship.

@Thechaseison71 It's not something I'd want for my kids but of course absolutely your call.

She's unreasonable. Sounds like you're a great dad and your son is lucky to have you.

You sound like a great Dad.
She sounds very very immature.
Find someone who has the emotional maturity and capacity for a relationship with you and your son.
She is not that person.

Dump her.

Lol that's quite amusing to read it on here as many are so anti moving a man into your home with kids.

They e all grown up fine

Your DS will suffer if you continue this relationship

What’s your suggestion for both of them then?

Well the couple in the OP aren't going to work. But the original poster never did state how much couple time they actually get minus his kid. If he can't sort that then he will just need to stay single until the childs a bit more independent as it's unfair on any woman to be er have time alone with her partner without his kid always being there

As for the girlfriend, well she's not got kids so can get together with a single bloke

So basically what I originally said then!

I don’t blame her for wanting to normal adult relationship where she can have her partner’s undivided attention for two weeks.

however you can leave your kid for two weeks so you aren’t compatible and the relationship won’t work

A milestone birthday! I think the only milestone birthday that warrants a two week holiday is a 100. Which , obviously, wouldn’t happen.😁

She sounds very immature for someone appparently celebrating a milestone. I don’t think she is the right sort of person to be bringing into your sons life.

YANBU at all! My DS is 6 but I wouldn't want to leave him for 2 weeks even if he was with his Dad, never mind an elderly grandparent. It sounds like he's been through a lot if you are the only parent in the picture too, so even more of a reason.

For my 40th I did a family holiday for over a week but we spent a bit extra and got a hotel room with a hot tub balcony so we got some couple time after DS went to bed so there is ways to do a longer holiday, with a DS in tow and still get some couples time, especially if you choose somewhere a bit more expensive with good kids clubs during the day too.

Well done for choosing your DS's feelings over your partner's though. You do not have to tolerate her belittling your relationship with your child and accusing you of not having a life. You come as a package! Xx

A partner demanding or expecting a parent to put them before their young children should always quickly become an ex partner

I’m a single mom. 2 weeks is much too long. Also, a 2 week holiday for a birthday is excessive. A birthday is 1 day (and I don’t think they’re important tbh, not unless you’re a child/teenager)

The fact she wants to be a ‘priority’ for a fortnight (half of a month 🤯) and wants your complete attention, for it all to be about her….. is so incredibly self-centred and self-indulgent. It’s taking the P to be frank.
Placing her ‘first’ and going for a long weekend is more than generous, and should be enough.

Allowing her to demand 2 weeks of your undivided attention, above your own son, is unfair.
2 weeks is actually a long time, especially for a kid.

It’s a no from me. Also, you sound like an amazing dad! Well done you for stepping up, it’s not easy ❤️

I haven't read the full thread, I agree you are not compatible.

What massively jumped out to me was that she expects a two week tropical holiday on her terms because it's her birthday?!
Who does that, and throws a hissy fit about it?

Is she normally kind of spoiled and demanding?

I am also wondering why you introduced to your son before a thorough level-headed think about whether your relationship is compatible and long term?

If she only showed this side of herself now, well she has shown her true colours at least and you can break it off.

This