AIBU for refusing to go on a couples' holiday because my partner didn't want my son to come?

[Jackthecool]

I’m a single dad with full custody of my 7-year-old son. His mum isn't in the picture, so it’s always been just the two of us against the world. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and while she gets along great with him, she definitely prefers our "adults-only" time when my mum babysits once a week.
For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. I assumed we’d make it a family trip, but she explicitly asked that my son stay behind with my elderly parents so we could have "romantic, uninterrupted time." Two weeks is way too long for me to leave him, especially since he deals with mild separation anxiety, so I told her I could only manage a 3-day weekend alone, or we’d have to bring him along.
She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday. My family thinks she's being incredibly short-sighted to expect a single parent to abandon their child for a fortnight, but she feels totally rejected. AIBU for digging my heels i
n?

You sound like a wonderful father. Any woman in your life should realise you and your child are a package deal that isn’t up for negotiation.
she has said some cruel and nasty things here, and is behaving appallingly in my opinion. I’m not sure I’d even want to expose my child to this person.

Agreed. He will feel he is the way kids pick everything up. Don’t put him through that. She shouldn’t be asking you to leave him for two weeks and then creating a fuss because you won’t.

Two weeks? No way.

She’s a twunt.

You are right to think of your son. She is wrong to think she can take over. Let the drama queen do her own thing on her birthday and you can move on to find someone who will love your son as much as you do.

Doesn't your teen go away without you.? School trips, guide camps Cadets stuff??

That sounds the other extreme

You’re both right and both wrong in different ways.

You should understand that she wants time alone just adults for her birthday holiday (even bio parents want this!) HOWEVER the time away is far too much, a long weekend max is more realistic.

Ultimately it doesn’t sound like the two of you are compatible as she needs to understand that your child is your priority and time spent away from him will be rare.

She’d be better off finding a partner without children and you’d be better off finding someone who understands that your child comes first.

Thing is if the OP finds a partner that " understands" then it's like to be another single parent. So 2 kids in the mix to deal with. Can't imagine many child free women being happy with the situation of a bloke that's always got his kid.

Thing is if the OP finds a partner that " understands" then it's like to be another single parent. So 2 kids in the mix to deal with. Can't imagine many child free women being happy with the situation of a bloke that's always got his kid.

You're absolutely right.
She can be a priority on her birthday - bit her birthday doesn't last two weeks.
Most decent parents would not dream of leaving their child for so long

that's just weird, why? 😂

You're not compatible. Time to throw her back.

You sound like a great dad, putting your child first as a good parent should. 2 weeks is way too long. She doesn’t sound very nice, and doesn’t sound like she’d be a good stepmother. Time to bin her off and have a nice holiday with your son instead. Honestly you could do way better! There’s lots of women out there who’d be happy to have in their lives a nice man who’s a good dad to his son!

@Thechaseison71 Not necessarily. When my now husband met me I had two kids - 6 and 9. He had no bio kids.
Would he ever has asked me to go away with him for two weeks without the kids? Absolutely not!!

Dad of the year, possibly decade - well done!
Your son is lucky to have you.
Your partner’s demands will only get worse.

OP is still entertaining this relationship by offering a 3 day weekend.

💯

An adult who can't understand a 7 year old child takes priority isn't worth bothering with. She sounds tediously self-centred.

I was saying about a single woman with a bloke with a kid. The " stepfather" figures don't usually get lumbered with the childcare like women do further down the line

Yanbu. Keep prioritising your son

@Thechaseison71 Do you mean a bloke with a kid? What's the difference?

Dad of the decade for not having an ex partner he can leave his son with for 2 weeks? The bar is really low for single dads it seems.

Read the post again now I've edited it properly

@Thechaseison71 Why is that do you think?

A year into a relationship is too soon for your son to be going away with her for 2 weeks. Lots of people wouldn't have even introduced their girlfriend by now.

But that's a far lesser matter to her attitude, which is utterly selfish and unreasonable, and shows no understanding for a child's needs or respect for your role as a parent.

I agree with those saying you should end it. She has shown her hand and if she thinks that's ok then things aren't going to improve because your perspectives are too far apart.