To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

[ArcanaQueen]

I’m part of a 6 women friendship group. The group has quite a strong identity, we always meet for each other’s birthdays and we go away for a weekend together every year. One of the group is having a glamping/camping party for her 50th. It has become apparent that while I’m only invited for the Saturday night, the rest of the friendship group is invited for Friday and Saturday nights. I get that she and I aren’t as close as some of the relationships in the group. She sent me a text saying do I mind just coming on Saturday as she’s trying to keep numbers low for Friday. AIBU to feel quite hurt? Saturday night is the main party night with more people coming so perhaps I should just feel happy with that, and ordinarily I would if it wasn’t for the friend group context re. the Friday night, which just feels a bit “ouch”.

I absolutely would believe she has recognised herself on MN too.
She is not a nice person and certainly OP is correct to realise that.
The effort and thought required to single one person out like this is ugly.
She is not someone to ever call anything beyond an acquaintance going forward.

Friends certainly not behave like this.
Good luck OP.

I don't think there can be any excuse for excluding one friend like this.

I’m just glad your not taking that bloody cake!

I would also take a lot of the updated excuse with a pinch of salt

It will be BS, designed to make you feel sorry for her/her family.

This woman is a toxic liar who has recognised herself on here and has hung together events and what they as a family have been through and stress as the reason you aren’t invited to all her party . it will all be designed to make sure you know her not inviting you is not her fault.

Love to know the updated reason. I bet it’s got more holes in it than Swiss cheese

Birthday girls excuses seem a bit far fetched and irrelevant as to why she singled you out OP. Like others had said it takes time and effort to actively single one person out of a group event - it wasn’t incidental and it would have been quicker and easier to just invite you all.
you sound like a really nice person OP and I’m glad that you are going to be gracious and focus on other friendships going forward. I hope you have fun with your family at the do.

while its natural to want to know how things turn out, so long as the OP is comfortable with the outcome, that's the main thing.

Good for you, OP. I think that’s a reasonable and proportionate response, and that you are absolutely right not to burn bridges and escalate. Hope it’s enjoyable.

That sounds very sensible and well balanced. You’re right to bare this incident in mind for the future .

That explains nothing about why she singled you out. But as long as it makes sense to you... she was very likely made aware of this post, though.

Reasonable to bear all this in mind and focus on other friends.

I think you have behaved with a great deal more graciousness than your friend.
Best of luck to you.

I think that she recognised herself on MN and felt bad. I suppose it’s good that she cares enough about your feelings to get in touch and that she recognises (presumably) that her behaviour was not acceptable and belongs in the school playground. Enjoy the weekend OP.

You are very wise OP to take this as a warning shot that you're on the fringe of this group now, and Queen Bee has been successful in her sting. I would slowly ease myself out of it and let her find her next target.

nah success would be if the OP had accepted not being there on friday, taken the cake and grovelled. We don't know exactly what the OP did do but it sounds like BB did not win!

I read your update. I really don’t understand how by excluding you, her stress levels will improve?! It’s really odd of her. I personally wouldn’t go to any part of it and remember not to invite her to further events. She’s made things very awkward to say the least. Because you will see each other at shared events and probably start to avoid each other. Well done for not agreeing to collect the cake. That was so thoughtless of the person who asked you.

I agree - ive been through some extremely stressful times in the past. Including very close bereavements etc

Not once did I ever think "I know, I'll exclude one person from my friendship group- that will help my stress and grief" 🙄

And OP’s family have had stress and grief too.

People can be really shit.

Yes, exactly.

Ouch! I wouldn't feel comfortable just going on the Saturday night. Very childish behaviour on her part if you always do everything as a group. Stay dignified, see how you feel about the Saturday and re-evaluate your relationship with the group.

Not sure I understand how the family stress equates to leaving you out, but I hope you enjoy yourself. You seem like a lovely person.

PS. I’m not bringing the cake.
Jolly good!

Seriously odd message from her and I’d still decline. You do not need this person in your life, nor the person who had the gall to ask you to bring the cake! Another absolute ahole.

I wondered this!

I would help her keep the numbers down and give the full weekend a miss . Comes across as purposely nasty

I agree with this.
OP I know it’s easy for us to pontificate about what we would do when we don’t have to do it BUT I honestly believe wild horses couldn’t drag me to the 2nd tier celebration of a so called friend’s birthday.
The fact that a lot of people are aware of this situation will make it feel worse.
Your ‘friend’ obviously knows what she has done and is still unwilling to involve you on the Friday. The cake business is neither here or there in the great scheme of things.
I’ve cut a long term ‘friend’ from my life on at least two occasions and only feel relief. I didn’t fall out with them but they know where they stand. The other joint friends are still my friends and I actually see more of them now.

OP do any of the other friends know that you have been excluded from the Friday night.
If so what did they say. If they are going along with you being left out they are just as bitchy
as the birthday girl