To be hurt I’m not invited to the whole of my friend’s 50th?

[ArcanaQueen]

I’m part of a 6 women friendship group. The group has quite a strong identity, we always meet for each other’s birthdays and we go away for a weekend together every year. One of the group is having a glamping/camping party for her 50th. It has become apparent that while I’m only invited for the Saturday night, the rest of the friendship group is invited for Friday and Saturday nights. I get that she and I aren’t as close as some of the relationships in the group. She sent me a text saying do I mind just coming on Saturday as she’s trying to keep numbers low for Friday. AIBU to feel quite hurt? Saturday night is the main party night with more people coming so perhaps I should just feel happy with that, and ordinarily I would if it wasn’t for the friend group context re. the Friday night, which just feels a bit “ouch”.

Absolutely do not go to the Saturday night. What an awful human being to invite the rest of your friendship group on the Friday but not you!

Oh, fuck THAT!

it won't be up to her to decide whether she has lost these friends or not (sorry) they are either under the sway of birthday bitch or not.

This.

What have the other 4 members of the group said about it?

If you don’t feeling comfortable asking or they haven’t even acknowledged that you might feel a bit left out then your friendships probably aren’t as close as you think they are.

How old are your/their kids? I can imagine as a tween/teen begging my parents not to invite a friend with the boy who would ruin it for me and the other girls by annoying us.

and you'd put that over an adult friend? I mean the OP hasn't suddenly acquired a male child and childcare issues because she is bereaved?

@godmum56 Why would she lose them over this unless she tells them all that she's upset? Just say nothing. Or invent a good excuse not to attend if that's easier for her, grandparents having a family get-together, for example.

I know I'm biased, because I hate camping and would invent an excuse regardless :-).

seen from my POV, if they know that the BB has cut the OP out of friday evening, the friendship is over already.....and not by anything that she has done. If the others don't know, or have been told a lie, then they need to find out and decide what their reaction will be. As I said, I need a level of trust with my friends.

”I’m not looking to cause a row or upset anyone but I’m feeling very hurt to be the only one in the group not invited on Friday. I hope you all have a lovely time but i would find it too difficult to attend on Saturday and paste on a smile. Truthfully I don’t understand why i have been singled out and it’s upsetting .”

I see your point @godmum56. That's something that the OP obviously can't control if they're actively trying to drop her. I'm hopeful that this isn't the case, but who knows.

noooo If the BB has done it on purpose, she will have won. Bitches want to victimise and hurt because that's control. Cool factual repudiation is the way.

I hope it rains all Friday.

If it was going to ruin it for every other kid going then I’d consider it. Although I’d probably just suggest OP left son at home as he might feel left out with all the girls.

Maybe I’m just trying to think of something less harsh than my original thought - that OP isn’t seen as much as part of the group as she thinks.

If it was going to ruin it for every other kid going then I’d consider it. Although I’d probably just suggest OP left son at home as he might feel left out with all the girls.

Maybe I’m just trying to think of something less harsh than my original thought - that OP isn’t seen as much as part of the group as she thinks.

I should not react dramatically, I should go; not bother with er Gift. Flirt with a few interesting Men, then ' disappear ' half - way ' through the evening........Leave em all guessing ( and frantic) it should ruin the evening for them........all .

that's not reasoable to use other people's partners in that way.

Exactly. I was in two friend groups when my daughter was in primary, I've been a single parent since she was 6 months old. When the kids started getting older I decided not to be the one making all the effort all the time and guess what...no-one bothered with me. So the decision to leave the groups was made for me. When I was in the groups I was always left out of 'couples' things which was laughable as I didn't (don't) want my own husband, let alone theirs!!

This

Agree that I would sit with it for a bit, don't make any proclamations to the group. I wouldn't say I was sick though...I would make sure I had all the info correct and if it actually was as you say and you were the only one left out, say to birthday 'friend' that I was hurt to be left out, and I have planned something with DC instead for the Saturday. Absolute audacity asking you to bring the cake!

see I think you should never tell a bitch you are hurt. By the bitch's thinking she has won and you are weak. If she's not a bitch and this is all some big mistake then cool disinterest followed by warm forgiveness still shows strength. You can be a kind fun person and still project that you are not to be messed with.

Same. Because you know they will probably sit there talking about how the previous night went and you will feel even worse and more excluded OP.

Id not go and I’d let the others in the group know why.

It’s fine really, thank you.
I was momentarily hurt but we were moving on to divergent roads politically so it’s probably like ripping off a plaster, and it’s one place less I need to expend any energy!

Slightly different situation happened to me. I found out a friend had hosted a very fancy baby shower and I hadn’t been invited - the only one on our group. What made me feel even more embarrassed the week of (what I later discovered was) the baby shower I had called round and gifted her a very expensive car seat that I had only used three times beciase I knew her mum could use it (I also got her a lovely baby gift when the little one arrived).

I felt like a mug when they all started to reminisce about the baby shower and I was the only one who hadn’t been invited.

I reassessed my friendship with her - realised it was one sided and while I am great company when we are out on a crowd I have backed off from any one on one friendship.

i am alao not sure it was hurt or embarrassment that I felt most acutely

Yes! I’m always amazed how much people will overlook for the sake of a quiet life and not upsetting the status quo. I sometimes wish I could be more blase but it’s not in my make up. My grandad was the same !

It's a 50th birthday party though, not 2 of the group casually meeting for lunch!